A familiar gripe... once again

[Shattered]

Is it just my dh or is it MEN?? DH practically never has ds to himself (2 yrs old), but on the odd occasion that I try to get him to take ds somewhere, he seems to get an attitude about it. Like it's all too hard or something. He has a busy job and travels sometimes, but he still manages to go and watch his older son play sport on a Saturday and he also gets to play golf quite regularly during working hours. (Not to mention sleeps in until 10.00 am on the weekends). Today I asked him if he could take ds to the park for a little while so I could get some work done, and it's almost as if you're asking him to babysit for an entire week. He didn't even say goodbye to me, just gave me a look and then got in the car and went. I have ds constantly on my own and can't believe that dh has a problem with taking him out for half an hour. I don't suppose this is a unique problem but I get so fed up sometimes.

Ellasmum

What a terrible thing to say that all men are officially useless (statistics prove it is probably only 99.7% of them).

And as for the adoring looks at least you didn't say he was doing it on purpose, unlike a friend of mine who used to take his much younger baby brother out to the local spot that college girls and office workers used for lunch on sunny days as a way of pulling.

Worked too.

Now all I have to do is get DW to let me take DD out on my own next summer. I'm sure she would be happy to get some time alone.

Now, SimonHoward, why would you want to do that...?

Shattered, have you tried presenting things as a fait accompli? I'm in the habit of shouting "Right, I'm just off to the shops/library/pub etc as I'm running out the door. By the time the message gets through, he's stuck at home with the small destructive creature and has no option to look after her while I get things done. This works particularly well if they are still in bed. Just deposit one small, and preferably smelly child on his face, announce you're just off to the library because you can't get any work done and he's obviously not got anything important to do, and swan out. Alternativly you could pin a note to this effect on the child and dispense with talking altogether.

Oh my God,
I have just spent the past 5 minutes laughing so hard... I just love the way everyone else has exactly the same thoughts as I have... I like the Men are officially useless and the statistics that prove it!! (99.7%)ha ha, so it is not all in my mind... I am sane...Yippee.... I particlualrly like the idea of the note, then it can hardly be said that they did not hear the instructions!!!!LOL I will now be in good form for the day knowing that although I feel all alone... there is an entire cyberworld at mumsnet feeling exactly the same way!!roflol.

could always just hang a label around child's neck along lines of "please look after this bear" - and then peg it.

OK, I finally used the single mum/uncle anaolgy on DH and apparently I "need a reality check". This is after he's been away on business in Athens for 4 days (incl an afternoon's golf), is at a work thing this evening, out all night drinking on Friday, golf on Saturday, friend staying Saturday evening, out on Tuesday....

The fool has just told me what his work's death-in-service benefits package is though.

LOL, SoupDragon! A foolish error indeed on your dh's part!

I may feel an unprecedented urge to wash the kitchen floor just before he comes home late, tired & drunk...

ROLF, soupdragon :0

I find that even though dp tries very hard (and I know I'm lucky with this one) there's just some fundamental links missing in his brain...

...there's no connection between pulling the last sock out of the draw and putting a wash on...
...there's certainly no connection between putting one on and putting the clothes out to dry, and the only time he takes anything off the rack is if its going to be worn immediately.
...there's no idea of sequence or consequence - if he's getting ds ready for nursery, the last thing he does is put bottles to sterilise and water to boil so they both sit there dressed and in their coats, boiling hot, waiting for the machine to finish!

I know it's perhaps churlish to moan when at least he does work hard at doing his bit, but he'd be much more helpful if he'd link his synapses up correctly. Are men simply genetically disadvantaged, or do they do it badly/reluctantly/grumpily on purpose so they won't be asked to do it again?

Janeaway, loved your eloquent post. There is something in New Scientist this week ( I think) about teenagers brains being so active that they find it hard to process basic info, which makes them emotionally and socially inept and prone to thinking the whole of life is unfair. I wonder if there is something analogous going on in mens brians. On the other hand, I've read Why Men Don't Iron and found it just a bunch of handy biological excuses for getting out of most of lifes tasks. They don't notice detail, it says, so couldn't possibly be expected to dust a room. They can't multitask or do mundane jobs .... except when they want to be air traffic controllers (multitasking) or farmers, factory workers (mundane, repetitive tasks)........ oh dear, here I go again ... must get a life.

LOL Sobernow

LOL

Does watching 3 different sporting events on TV at once count as multi-tasking??

not multitasking, sobernow - just multishirking...which of us can't manage a computer and a glass at the same time ?(I know I can - in fact that's what I'm doing right now - am I a man???)

I'm sitting here with a glass too. Unfortunately it's a Lemsip.

Multishirking -that's fantastic! My DH to a t!

Sorry to be crude, but I firmly believe that the only things a man can do at the same time are fantasis and w*

ROFL!

prufrock - ashs (am sitting here sniggering - thought we could do with some new shorthand).

I am really lucky here, the one thing my dh is good at is looking after the children. I remember having a big row about it and he said that I obviously didn't actually trust him to look after the girls, as I always left a ream of instructions, food, drinks etc etc This made him feel so bad that he didn't like to do it. So I started just leaving him to it, and do you know what... they survived

OK so junk food and TV might have been used liberally, and the cleaning up not done after, but who cares.

This is not a go at anyone here, but I realised in my attempt to have the perfect house, the perfect kids etc I wasn't giving him the space to actually look after the kids under his own steam without being told what to do, what to feed them etc. Once I backed off and let him go for it, he was really very good. This means I don't have to ask permission, or arrange my life to suit him, he is always saying he'll look after them.

My bugbear, however, is that because he'll look after the kids and is good at it, he beleies he's done his job! Therefore he doesn't do anyting else around the house. When I accuse him of being a lazy bd, he looks at me and says, 'I'm not that bad, I look after the kids when ever you want'!! Grrrr you can't win

crunchie, your dh sounds great on the childcare front, but he says what my dh says, too ie

'don't I look after the kids whenever you want'

Ok splitting hairs perhaps, but the children are not a responsibility of mine that gets delegated to him sometimes. Would I reply to my dh, 'well I look after the kids whenever YOU want' sadly no, but I think it!

Love the word multishirking. What a great description!

Recently my dd was ill with a cold and couldn't go to nursery for 2 days. How come when I got home from work the day dh looked after her, the house looked like a bomb had gone off in it, whereas the next day when dh came home I had not only managed to nurse dd and do a day's work on the computer, but had also managed to tidy up her toys AND get dinner started?

Azzie - I have the same problem - dp now works 4 days and looks after ds one day each week on his own, and the place is always a tip unless they've had an all day outing (quite often). The 2 days I'm home alone with ds I get all the cleaning done, nappies washed - the lot - so come the weekend we're not stuck home doing chores.
There was a brief period when dp had stopped working the one day but before ds came out of nursery for that day. Dp used it to clear up outstanding stuff and do cleaning, but still couldn't get through as much as I did on day's when I had ds despite me spending far too long on mumsnet!

It is good, isn't it? Needless to say I've nicked it from somebody else!

My DH has always been pretty good with the kids (though if, eg, he was taking them out for a walk when small I still had to get them coated, booted etc) and does some things around the house and will always do the heavy stuff ("humping" as we affectionately call it!) but he has NEVER NEVER NEVER cleaned the loo.