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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Struggling with the predicament this man has put me in

90 replies

Amongstotherthings · 19/08/2021 20:55

He just stopped calling/texting/meeting up - total shift in his behaviour and
his communication with me but loved me calling/texting him (it probably stroked his ego) as he was very flirty and sending mixed messages etc. After a week of this behaviour from him I was on to his game and backed off, stopping myself contacting him.

It has been 2 weeks. He's not going to contact me is he? Sad.

I imagine he is quite shocked that I've stopped contacting him and deprived him of the reaction he was looking for so I'm proud of myself for that but it is SO HARD!

OP posts:
Original poster
Amongstotherthings · 19/08/2021 22:56

@Redruby2020 sorry to hear you are going through the same, such a horrible feeling isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amongstotherthings · 19/08/2021 22:59

@AnyFucker we are still on "friendly" terms if you like so how would checking in, in a few weeks time be making a fool of myself?

OP posts:
TwoPaperAirplanes · 19/08/2021 23:34

[quote Amongstotherthings]@AnyFucker we are still on "friendly" terms if you like so how would checking in, in a few weeks time be making a fool of myself?[/quote]
Because he doesn't fancy you and you're wasting your time. Sorry Thanks

Original poster
Amongstotherthings · 19/08/2021 23:41

@TwoPaperAirplanes as crazy as it sounds given the situation, I know he does fancy me although I may still be wasting my time

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2021 23:42

Why on earth would you even consider contacting him again? Are you desperate for a man?

TwoPaperAirplanes · 19/08/2021 23:44

I'm so sorry op but fuck him off, you're worth more xx

Original poster
Amongstotherthings · 19/08/2021 23:52

@Aquamarine1029
Why on earth would you even consider contacting him again
I wish I knew! Maybe it's the feeling of rejection? If I ended things or if it ended in a diffrent way maybe wouldn't be feeling this way. Am I the only one who has ever felt like this? I'm starting to wonder if this is even normal. How do people just manage to brush it off and move on so easily.

No I'm not short of dates or attention, I'm also happy to be single. As I said I think it's the way he has ended it - rejection, blow to self esteem? I really don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amongstotherthings · 19/08/2021 23:53

@TwoPaperAirplanes thanks you.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 19/08/2021 23:56

There's no predicament here.

Bunnyfuller · 20/08/2021 00:00

I think you read too much into the initial contact. Don’t take it personally, it was no time at all, move on.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/08/2021 00:14

How do people just manage to brush it off and move on so easily.

You need to figure out why you are so emotionally invested in a twat who doesn't even matter. He was a blip on the radar, nothing more, yet you can't let it go. No, this isn't normal.

SixesAndEights · 20/08/2021 00:33

Block him and move on OP.

Contacting him again at any time would make you look desperate!

Why are you so bothered about a bloke who couldn't be arsed with you?

Original poster
Amongstotherthings · 20/08/2021 01:10

I'm not sure why people think he was just a blip. Nowhere in this thread have I mentioned how long we were together for.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 20/08/2021 01:14

How long?

Redruby2020 · 20/08/2021 01:39

[quote Amongstotherthings]@Redruby2020 sorry to hear you are going through the same, such a horrible feeling isn't it.[/quote]
It's horrible. I was dealing with getting involved with new guys quite well in some respects, after becoming single after a long relationship. And then I now feel this particular person has fed me a load of lies etc.

HerMammy · 20/08/2021 01:44

Is it a theme just now? Women getting ignored/treated like shit but post asking should they stay/contact him?
Christ on a bike stop being bloody desperate doormats and fuck these losers off!

Guineapigbridge · 20/08/2021 02:08

I was ghosted once by a man I loved. It really, really hurt me. I wanted so bad to give him more chances to love me back. But he didn't love me, and I had to accept it and move on.
It's hard OP, I understand.

GreyGoose1980 · 20/08/2021 03:15

I think you need to decide what you want. If actually you enjoy the drama and element of game playing here then carry on. If you want a relationship then you need to be more realistic about the men you are putting effort into as it’s clear he’s not into you in that way and you’ll be in the same non-situation a couple of years down the line with this one.

alexdgr8 · 20/08/2021 04:06

why would you want to throw yourself at any man.
he'll never respect you.
don't do it.
seek therapy if you find yourself drawn to acting in self-defeating ways.

bert3400 · 20/08/2021 04:32

OP, I have been in this situation, ok many many years ago. But remember that feeling of rejection and wanting to pursue the looser(man A) who was making me feel like that.. I ended up seeing someone else, also very casually....really not that bothered by man B but it was an ego boost after man A had repeatedly rejected me. Man A would give me scraps of attention and try to keep me interested....but I didnt forsee Man B being so damn amazing, after 6 months of this I realised what man A was ...a total fuckwit who only cared for himself, a parasite in society and to woman . Long story short ...Man B now DH - 23 years together Man A died trying to import (swallowed them) drugs abroad along with his latest girlfriend at the time, very sad but it didn't suprise me . Don't waste your time on this lowlife, have some self respect and find someone who deserves YOUR attention.

Marni83 · 20/08/2021 06:02

Op
What the heck has occurred in your life that you are so wilfully seeing potential in something when there is none. Literally none.

He was crap at contacting you
And then when you took the decision not to contact you, he didn’t bother to
Two weeks have passed - and nothing

Op, he is not interested. Leave it.

PearlyBird · 20/08/2021 06:11

Oh I see your predicament.

You see it all very clearly with your rational brain but you miss him.

I was just listening to an audible about self-compassion and at the end, the author was talking about being single. She asked what do you need to hear from a partner. To make that specific to this situation, you need to hear from him that you're worth making the effort for. Tell yourself that you're worth reaching out to. You are.

Meditate with the intention to reinforce that you are worth making the effort for. Make the effort for yourself. Get in your own corner. Stand behind yourself. Have your own back.

Sounds like floaty woo but if you can really transfer what you know in your brain to your inner core, it will feel less of a predicament. xx

Notagain20 · 20/08/2021 06:17

You're still really invested iin this but he's not. If he was bothered about you he would be iin touch. Sorry OP but you need to accept that he's just not into you and stop sitting around waiting.

Tocktock · 20/08/2021 06:19

Urgh, that behaviour from some men drives me mad!
Have a look at HG Tudor's site Knowing The Narcissist www.narcsite.com
Giving you the silent treatment to receive 'fuel' from your response is likely to be what this man is doing to you.
If you contact him again it's being drawn into the game.

reprehensibleme · 20/08/2021 06:28

You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you just block and delete - you're giving an awful lot of headspace to someone who obviously doesn't care - he'd likely be arrogantly pleased he's causing you so much angst if he knew how much time you're wasting analysing his actions.

Come on, you're worth more than this.

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