Would this be considered abusive behaviour?

[namechangeat11pm]

Not a TAAT but it is inspired by one.

My DH loves walking, loves going up hills and walking for miles. I like it, but I’m not as into it as him. He’s very fit, and I’m not unfit but not as fit as him.

DH will insist I go walking with him, which in general I’m happy to do, but it usually results in me being in a fair amount of pain from it. He’ll often do things like tell me it’s a six mile walk, but it’ll end up being an eight (a comfortable walk for me would be 4-5 miles). Or we’ll agree a turn back point and he will insist we keep going to add a bit extra on. Or take a different route which ends up being rougher terrain. Or when we go on holiday, he’ll make me walk miles and miles and miles per day, refuse to get public transport or taxis. It often results in me being in pain, limping and can last for a few days after. I’m also fairly sure it has contributed in me suffering from both a knee injury and a foot injury.

We went to New York on holiday, and I expected to do a lot of walking. But we walked 18+ miles every day and I was in agony despite wearing walking boots and doing things which normally help me. One day, I was crying because I was in so much pain and didn’t feel like I could walk to a restaurant for dinner. He refused for us to get a taxi, he refused to go out and get me something and bring it back, and he refused to let us order room service.

If I refuse to do any of the things he said, his responses range from anger to sulking to guilt tripping to just carrying on walking and me feeling like I have to just follow him.

Would this be something that is considered as abusive, or not? From his view, he just wants us to do something fun together, exercise is good for you, he’s just pushing me to do a bit more to improve my fitness, dogs enjoy it, etc. Which I don’t disagree with, and I don’t mind being a bit achy after exercising. I’m quite into weight lifting and often ache after that too and I like the feeling, but this isn’t achy it’s pain.

I’m genuinely interested to hear others honest perspectives on this.

This is a really horrible man you’re stuck with. Do you have more than one set of car keys? If you do, you could quietly take your own set whenever you go anywhere together and then you have more options.

But basically he’s horrible and you need to focus on your exit plans. A partner is not supposed to make you feel like shit.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 RUN!

My bastard ex did this to me while heavily pregnant

One night it was a long walk. Freezing cold along a badly lit canal

He would not let me stop

Op you have my full sympathies xxxxxx

I think you need to tell him you have spoken to the doctor and you need total rest. Buying yourself some time for a few weeks. Say your being referred etc to the hospital. Don’t do anything you don’t want to.

I have reached the point in my life of saying no if I don’t want to do something.

My advice is get things sorted to make the break. You deserve to live your life happy doing what you want to do.

What happens if you just refuse to go?

@namechangeat11pm

He always just told me, either directly or implied, that I was being lazy. And I believed it.

OP I read your initial post and said 'what the fuck' out loud without realising I did it and my partner asked me if I was OK.

I mean... what the fuck... how mean and narrow minded and positively cruel and bonkers and sadistic...........

How are you OP?