When DH randomly grabs at your boobs

[ILoveTheOcean]

Does anyone's husband just randomly touch/jiggle/grab at your boobs?

My husband does this sometimes and I hate it and he gets offended when I push him away. ''Why are you pushing me away, I can touch them, they're mine.'' he would say.

'No, they are not yours, they are mine and I don't like it.'

'Oh, so now I can't even touch you anymore' #guilttrip

What makes a guy think that all women would take pleasure out of that sort of behaviour, or that one would just stand there and let them have a feel because they are somehow entitled to to it.

Maybe I'm a bit prudish, but I expect more respect than that, especially from DH. Randomly grabbing at women no matter how familiar the relationship is just a big no.

Thank you for all you comments. I think he thinks it's funny or spontaneous or something. He hasn't done it in a while, until last night again. But still, I don't like it. I don't wear revealing clothes either, no cleavage or anything like that, purely because I don't like pervy attention.

That's not a guy thing. It's an entitled, creepy bastard thing.

'Purely because I don't like pervy attention'.
What, from him?

Yes because heaven forbid a woman should feel comfortable wearing anything that shows cleavage in her own home, incase a grown man thinks it's a free pass to be a complete creepoid.

I think it might be wise to look at how else he has displayed inappropriate begaviour over the years. And how you have felt the need to change yourself and your actions as an attempt to 'fix' him.

@ILoveTheOcean

Thank you for all you comments. I think he thinks it's funny or spontaneous or something. He hasn't done it in a while, until last night again. But still, I don't like it. I don't wear revealing clothes either, no cleavage or anything like that, purely because I don't like pervy attention.

You should be able to wear whatever the hell you want and still not be grabbed by him.

This is not just grim it’s sexual assault.

I'm in a Facebook group and one of the women on there was talking about this, saying her husband always has to be near her boobs and will just come and grab them if she's eating or talking or whatever. She was saying it like we'd all know what she meant, I honestly couldn't fathom it.

It reminds me of my toddler when we stopped breastfeeding and for a while she had to fall asleep just holding a boob... In a grown man I would be suggesting therapy, honestly.

No one is touching my body for sexual gratification that isn't mutual!

[quote FoxHenDrama]@thanksforyourcommentrandomman Nothing wrong with what Dilly said. That’s her experience and no need to be so sarky. What the OP is describing is done without her consent. That’s the difference.[/quote]
Well I think it was a stupid comment to make on a post that clearly states OP does NOT like it and has asked for it not to happen.

God this made my stomach churn! My ex did this walking home on our 3rd date. I was pissed off and told him to get the f’ off. His reaction should have told me everything I needed to know. He had a go at me and sulked all the way home. Stupidly I ignored this huge red flag and ended up in a very controlling abusive relationship for 20+ years. It’s frightening the way men honestly believe women’s body’s belong to them once they are in a relationship with them.

Have you had a serious conversation with him about bodily autonomy etc so there is no misunderstanding about what he’s doing? If so his behaviour is very worrying. Does he badger you for sex or behave entitled in other ways too?

As a cautionary tale, after a few years of doing this my ex progressed to sticking a finger inside me while I was sat on the couch for comedy effect. He absolutely couldn't see what was wrong with it and was horrified when I got upset.

Peanutsandchilli, implied consent isn't just carrying on waiting for a no! That could wind up in court. The implied consent needs to be initiation and enthusiastic participation. Think about it - the person being assaulted could freeze in fear or be asleep or unconscious.

The excuse that "She didn't say no, so I thought she was consenting," is long gone.

Your husband doesn't respect you.

You've said no numerous times I assume, very clearly, and yet he still grabs an intimate part of you when he knows it distresses you. That's because your feelings or boundaries don't really matter to him. I don't know how you can trust someone like that.

Consent is obviously the key issue here. Personally I think having to ask your DP before you touched them sounds a bit sad, each side should know what is acceptable without needing to ask on every occasion. We are pretty tactile and the rule is that touching is allowed until it isn't, which basically means we can tell the other one to stop at any time but we do not expect them to ask before they start.

We really need to understand that physical touch (inlcuding non sexual) is a risk. It's a risk with strangers and it's a risk with partners too. Touch has the possibility of bringing people closer or pushing them away. It is our responsibility as humans to understand that, respect that and make sure that we minimise the risk or don't take that risk. If we take the risk and it causes hurt or distance then we need to repair that distance if we want to maintain what we have others the risk level increases and any touch becomes unwanted because it never feels safe and things start deteriorating. It takes both parties to maintain a healthy physical relationship both by how they touch and how they don't touch.

I'm sorry this is happening. I had a grabby ex and I'm so glad I left.

What?????

Just no.

Anothernick, if a DP's idea of the sort of touching that's allowed is randomly grabbing and squeezing a beast or breast and
making honking noises Benny Hill style, what happens to your pretty consensual love-in image?

They tend to wait till your hands are full, too. Our work groper came up behind me while I was at the coffee urn with half-full cup in one hand and the tap in the other and copped a feel. I told him my DH's arm was broken and asked if he wanted me to show him how I'd done it. He got the message.

The broken arm bit was true but I had no involvement!

A breast or breasts! No beast involved except the groper/honker.

Christ on a bike. Hard to believe that some men think this behaviour is acceptable. Fucking outrageous assault.

@Rainy365

’I can touch them, they are mine’

I really don’t think I could be with someone who had that attitude towards women. It’s disgusting.

Agree! So gross.

I had an abusive ex who started with this and escalated to raping me multiple times.

OP do you ever wake up to him touching you? Does he sulk if you don't "give him" sex.

You have set a boundary: "I do not want you groping my boobs around the house." His reaction to you setting that boundary is to sulk, moan, and lay a manipulative guilt trip on you. A normal man would be apologising and he would not do it again.

Does he sulk and moan in other areas of life in order to keep you "in your place"?

BTW after dumping that abusive ex, a male "friend" came up behind me "as a joke" and grabbed my boob. I reflexively pistoned my arm back into his stomach, he went "oooof" and bent forward, winded. I then rotated my arm downwards and punched him in the cock while simultaneously stamping on his foot.

Funnily enough he never did it again. He also apologised profoundly when I explained that you don't just fucking grab someone's sexual parts without their consent. (This was in the 80s and consent really wasn't discussed then.) We remained friends, because he apologised and changed his ways.

For me I’d have no issue with it…. But that’s because for both of us we are touchy feeling with each other. For example I’d quite happily walk up to DH in the kitchen and give him a squeeze or touch his bum… I’m quite happy with him coming up to me and giving me cuddle and a bit of a boob squeeze.( obviously when the kids aren’t around). For us working full time , young children etc, a bit of intimacy here and there is v much wanted.

Difference is we are both on the same page about it. If you guys aren’t then it’s not acceptable