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Original poster

When DH randomly grabs at your boobs

96 replies

ILoveTheOcean · 18/08/2021 10:48

Does anyone's husband just randomly touch/jiggle/grab at your boobs?

My husband does this sometimes and I hate it and he gets offended when I push him away. ''Why are you pushing me away, I can touch them, they're mine.'' he would say.

'No, they are not yours, they are mine and I don't like it.'

'Oh, so now I can't even touch you anymore' #guilttrip

What makes a guy think that all women would take pleasure out of that sort of behaviour, or that one would just stand there and let them have a feel because they are somehow entitled to to it.

Maybe I'm a bit prudish, but I expect more respect than that, especially from DH. Randomly grabbing at women no matter how familiar the relationship is just a big no.

OP posts:
Discofish · 18/08/2021 15:40

That would make me really uncomfortable- the guilt tripping and "they're mine" would probably make me angry.

I like how tactile and physically affectionate my partner is- but there's a massive difference in what you're describing and something consensual and reciprocal.

NewlyGranny · 18/08/2021 15:41

OK, so there is such a thing as implied consent but it would involve OP unambiguously initiating sexual contact. She isn't. Grabbing her like that without consent is a sexual assault.

End of story.

Hen2018 · 18/08/2021 15:43

My ex husband was pretty appalling.

Even he wouldn’t have done this. Vile.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 18/08/2021 15:44

@Dillydollydingdong

My dp will come and grab me from behind. I love it. It makes us both giggle.
Well good for you but OP and probably most women wouldn't find it funny so your comment is irrelevant
messybun101 · 18/08/2021 15:44

My DP is playful but not like the way you describe. Your husband sounds like a creepy cunt (sorry op!)
My DP can be a bit cheeky sometimes and have a little squeeze of my bum as he's walking past occasionally but he'd never claim my body to belong to him. He wouldn't overstep my boundaries, forcefully grab me or touch me inappropriately.
It's really really shocking

NewlyGranny · 18/08/2021 15:45

I was taught to push a groper (every workplace had one in the 70s) away by bringing the heel of my hand up swiftly under his chin. A bitten tongue would be a good deterrent for next time he thought he could help himself without consent.

If OP fears he might retaliate violently to that, she needs to make plans to leave, sharpish.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2021 15:45

@NewlyGranny

OK, so there is such a thing as implied consent but it would involve OP unambiguously initiating sexual contact. She isn't. Grabbing her like that without consent is a sexual assault.

End of story.

Or saying, "I really like when you grab me". DH and I smack each other's arses. But we 'wind up' so the other person knows it's coming and can object. In a pissy mood I say, "I wouldn't" and he doesn't.

Consent is great and can be asked for and given in a hundred different ways. In OP's case consent is actively being withheld.

messybun101 · 18/08/2021 15:47

'Oh, so now I can't even touch you anymore'

That's right. You can't. You've overstepped one too many times. I've told you, you don't listen and I'm not putting up with it anymore

...queue moping around feeling sorry for himself that his wife objected to being sexually harassed at home

Dickhead

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 18/08/2021 15:48

@SirenSays

Is he trying to hurt you when he grabs you, or do you just not like it? If he's not hurting you, kicking, hitting, kneeing him in the balls or twisting his junk seems a bit evil and unnecessary? Just have a serious conversation where you tell him he has to stop this from now on or ya'know LTB..
It doesn't matter why he's doing it, OP has told him repeatedly to stop, he's ignoring what she's saying and telling her it's his right to do it as they are his.
FoxHenDrama · 18/08/2021 15:49

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman Nothing wrong with what Dilly said. That’s her experience and no need to be so sarky. What the OP is describing is done without her consent. That’s the difference.

bigbaggyeyes · 18/08/2021 15:51

You don't like it, you've asked him to stop, he's ignoring this. Another vote for punching him in the dick everytime he does it.

RosiePosieDozy · 18/08/2021 15:51

Disgusting behaviour. To do it in the first place and continue to do it when he knows you don't like it is completely disrespectful.

As for the 'they are mine' comment, you deserve better than this.

putthebinsout · 18/08/2021 15:57

Oh god my ex used to do this accompanied by a "honk honk" noise. Nasty little fucker he was

AngryWhompingWillow · 18/08/2021 16:01

I have had a couple of exes who used to do this kind of thing. Grabbing my boobs, pinching my nipples, grabbing and whacking my arse. Thought he had the right, thought I would find it a 'turn on; and grumbled when I protested and said 'FFS stop!' Hmm One ex even said once (when he pinched my nipples hard when I was washing up,) that he didn't think nipples had feeling in them. Stupid cunt.

Some men seem to assume that if they grab a woman's boobs, and pinch or squeeze them, that she will throw herself on the bed, spread her legs, and beg him to shag her. Hmm

One ex of mine would sulk like a baby and say 'not fair - I can't even touch my own fucking girlfriend now!' Sad

Sadly, I have heard quite a few tales from women who have/have had men who think they're entitled to grab and grope them, and see them as their 'possession.'

@ILoveTheOcean Tell him to pack it in. This won't get better otherwise.

isthismylifenow · 18/08/2021 16:04

@putthebinsout

Oh god my ex used to do this accompanied by a "honk honk" noise. Nasty little fucker he was
Urgh. This from a (presumably) grown man. 😡
putthebinsout · 18/08/2021 16:08

@isthismylifenow yep, fully grown father in his 30s

godmum56 · 18/08/2021 16:13

@wtfisgoingonhere21

Nope nope nope.

If dh grabbed at me like that I'd be grabbing his nuts as hard as I could and smiling sweetly at him.

yes cos you own them don't you Grin
larkstar · 18/08/2021 16:14

You are not being prudish - don't label yourself with that and don't let him put that on you either. How does he behave around women when you are not there - at work - in the pub? You don't have to put up with or feel guilt about it - he needs to be told and he needs to stop. If you don't feel safe straightening this situation out you need to think hard about being in this relationship imho.

Peanutsandchilli · 18/08/2021 16:17

@NewlyGranny

Is there even such a thing as "implied consent" as mentioned by a PP? Surely that went when the crime of rape within marriage came in in 1991? "You said yes once/married me, hence your body is up for grabs 24/7." ?

#NoThankyou

Yes, it's implied until someone says no.
Ellie56 · 18/08/2021 16:19

Eww! He sounds vile.

me4real · 18/08/2021 16:28

Sexual assault, and he also has a wrong understanding of who your body belongs to.

As you put it well @ILoveTheOcean - if someone, anyone, gropes your boobs at random outside of sex it's an unpleasant feeling. Maybe some people are ok with it but many (I think most in this thread) are not.

I'm quite a tactile or whatever person, but someone can be a physically demonstative person by touching someone's shoulder or whatever, not going straight for someone's boobs or p

Greystray · 18/08/2021 16:33

So he thought your wedding ceremony was actually a slave auction?

Cuddlemuffin · 18/08/2021 16:35

Stick your finger up his bum every time he tries it, that'll give him a clear message. Unless he likes that....
Jokes don't do that, tell him to piss off x

Bettyboop3 · 18/08/2021 16:35

I wish mine would do this again - he used to 🥺

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 18/08/2021 16:36

I would find this repulsive.