TIME ALONE 😔 HELP PLEASE

[Newmum333]

Lately I have been finding myself in a very low and trapped place, my LO is a few months old now and ever since he has been born my husband has on many occasions, went out with friends, goes to play his cricket matches on weekends, get away from me and LO whenever I visit my parents home in the week. He works from home and when he finishes work he heads of to the gym!

I on the other hand have never been without my LO, I cannot always rely on others to look after him while I pop into town and if others do agree it has to be something important such as a doctors appointment! What I really need is just a few hours a week to go out with friends, or go and play badminton which I enjoyed before pregnancy. My husband always helps out with LO as long as I am there, he doesn't understand that I also require some time alone without him and with LO just for my own sanity, I mean I cannot go and dine in a fine restaurant with friends with him crying in the pram, nor can I take him with me if wanted to get back into badminton!!!! He just feels its a mothers responsibility to have the LO with her all the time!

I've communicated this with him many times and the only answer I get is "I work and pay the bills you don't", although that has nothing to do with me having some alone time!!!!!

Today I spoke to him again and his answer was "if you plan something and give me good notice I will look after the little one", I just know him too well, because I tried that last time and he made all sorts of excuses and it didn't happen!

He is very good at changing nappies etc. It's not an anxiety thing! I'm just very fed up with this double standard behaviour, and non understanding attitude, I want to know if anyone else has been or going through this and what to do

Sorry about all the typos.

Also I don't see why he'd only be paying 50% or childcare costs .... when you'd not be earning equal to.him. Surely it should be proportional.

Get yourself and baby out of there as soon as you can OP- it’s pretty clear what life he has planned for you— and don’t let him take him on trips abroad —

Well if pays the bills he can pay for a baby sitter to watch the baby one night a week.

On the other side why not ask him what he intends to do when you divorce and he has the any 50:50?

At the moment he gets lunch breaks coffee breaks holiday pay and works 8 hours a week. You on the other hand get nothing except on call 24/7.

Make a list of what you do costs in the real world, cooking cleaning childcare - and show him!

"...through a horrible divorce 8 years ago (no children involved), and I always told myself the next person I meet and settle down with will be for life!"

When you told yourself this, you thought it would be true because you'd next marry someone who was a good match for you and you'd be happy in a long marriage.

You weren't thinking, if the next person turns out to be a horrible match then I will stay with them anyway, no matter what.

I'm sorry that he has not been as good as his words.

@Newmum333

Yes he very much can be a chauvinist, because when he goes out with friends or leisure time, we do not sit and plan weeks in advance for that, he will just presume that I will be okay to be left with our son. Whereas for me, he requires at least a 2 week notice to then only make excuses that he has no time, I just find it so unfair. Before having a child I too had a practical social life. I'm also not asking for much time, I've only asked for a few hours a week on the day it suits him.

I just find it so inconsiderate that he cannot understand this, he also accused me of not loving my own child because I want space from him for my own sanity, yet he goes out whenever he fancies.

He does understand - perfectly. If he admitted that he understands he would have to curtail his life - which he has pretty much as he wants it. It's pretty shit. It's really shit that you are driven to writing here or probably to the point of losing it. Unfortunately it doesn't bode well because at the heart of it he doesn't care about how you feel and he is willing to manipulate the conversation to keep his position.

Make a hard a fast rule. One night a week, every week (Thursday for ex) no need to "give notice". and one morning or afternoon over the weekend. That's just the way it is. Lay out the facts plainly and without arguing.

If that fails or if he makes that difficult I would suggest a well thought out shock and awe tactic. Ask him to leave for 3 months and say you want to do counselling. You have to avoid bickering and not getting drawn into arguing.

However - if he isn't willing to meet you half way you have a bigger problem. Personally - no way in hell would I live with this manipulative chauvinist bullshit. Me and my ex shared all parenting and also gave each other space.

Unfortunately it doesn't bode well because at the heart of it he doesn't care about how you feel and he is willing to manipulate the conversation to keep his position.

thats true and i wouldnt want to stay with such person.