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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you do if your partner took his ex’s side and did not defend you?

59 replies

Lolabray · 15/08/2021 20:12

To me loyalty to your partner should be first and foremost. The above has happened to me but I don’t want to go into it on here. I feel let down hurt and disrespected. The relationship has now ended because of this and a few other issues.

OP posts:
Luannee · 15/08/2021 20:14

Completely depends what the issue is.

I don't think a partner should always have to take your side. They're entitled to their own opinion.

Apeirogon · 15/08/2021 20:14

Was it something involving their joint child?

Lumpwoody · 15/08/2021 20:14

It really depends on the issue.

Fullofglee · 15/08/2021 20:15

People can advise you op without knowing the details to saybif your being unreasonable or not.

Fullofglee · 15/08/2021 20:15

Cannot*

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 20:15

Depends on the situation.

Are child involved?

freelions · 15/08/2021 20:17

Perhaps you were in the wrong OP?

Blind loyalty, regardless of who is in the right or wrong is thankfully not a universal trait

CrazyNeighbour · 15/08/2021 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lolabray · 15/08/2021 20:22

Nope, that’s a users way of thinking. It shows a sense of entitlement to be supported in ridiculous behaviour.

Does it?

OP posts:
Terryberrycherry · 15/08/2021 20:25

All depends on the context etc, whether they have a child together, length of your relationship

MichelleScarn · 15/08/2021 20:27

@Lolabray

Nope, that’s a users way of thinking. It shows a sense of entitlement to be supported in ridiculous behaviour.

Does it?

Absolutely! What total compliance because you're bumping uglies no matter what? Noooo.
AhNowTed · 15/08/2021 20:27

Are you expecting loyalty even if you're wrong?

CrazyNeighbour · 15/08/2021 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/08/2021 20:28

@Lolabray

Nope, that’s a users way of thinking. It shows a sense of entitlement to be supported in ridiculous behaviour.

Does it?

None of us know , because you havent said.
bathsh3ba · 15/08/2021 20:28

No human love or support is unconditional, nor should it be.

All depends on the context but he should be able to explain why he didn't support you, in my view.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 20:28

Context is everything. Your thread is wasted without it

IReallyCantThinkOfAnything · 15/08/2021 20:29

Depends…

Sakurami · 15/08/2021 20:29

He can be loyal to you and disagree with you!

Unless you say what it was it is impossible to know who is being unreasonable, surely you must know that?

SD1978 · 15/08/2021 20:30

Depends,on if I was in the wrong. If I was, I'd accept it. If I wasn't I'd talk to them. Given,you are declining to,give any information as to what the situation was, no one will be able to say if ending the relationship is a step they would have taken.

Luannee · 15/08/2021 20:30

Nobody can answer this without more detail.

Do you think he should back you up even if you're in the wrong?

Friesfrench · 15/08/2021 20:33

If honestly depends on what happened.. If you did or said something that was hurtful or derogatory to his child he shares with his ex then of course you're being unreasonable.. If he's just siding with her to keep the peace... Then he's being unreasonable. You won't get much advice until the situation is loosely explained.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2021 20:36

You’re best off saying what happened. You’ve dumped him anyway so just get it off your chest.

AlfonsoTheMango · 15/08/2021 20:39

No. The support is for the person who is correct.

I remember reading an interview with a reality star celebrity - Stacey Something who won a singing contest - who said that her partner supports her, even when she's wrong. Apparently she had a row with a taxi driver. He was right and she was wrong but her partner, Joe Swash (oddly, I can remember his name), supported her. I remember thinking that that is not healthy.

Lolabray · 15/08/2021 20:46

I won’t go into details but things have been said about me which are not true . Lies have been made up about me saying things I never said and he knows that

OP posts:
Lolabray · 15/08/2021 20:46

But anyway that’s by the by for various reasons we aren’t together now

OP posts: