I’m an awful heartless mum

[Loveagoodbargain21]

Don’t really know where to start. So it was my daughters prom - she’s 16. She asked if she could get dressed in her friends house. I said yes. Husband not keen just asked why did she have to get changed there? I say it’s cos she wants to be with her friends. I said we could get photos with her at the venue before she goes in. Only me bring me and my stupid ways decided to cook tea before we leave which then makes us so late we didn’t have much time to take photos. I’ve let everyone down. Husband says I have a heart of stone and I know he’s right but why the hell did I do that? Why didn’t I just leave early with plenty of time? Seriously doubting my ability to be a normal person. What’s the matter with me? I know I should have said to her get dressed at home then I could have taken her to her friends before the doo. I should have wanted to help her dress and do her makeup but as she’d asked to do it with her friends I didn’t want to let her down. Now I’ve let my husband die and myself as we don’t have any photos of her in her in her lovely dress at Home . Feel sick every day since thinking why did I do that? I just can’t be normal . A normal mum wouldn’t do that would they. Can’t fix it. Just getting more and more depressed every day . Just needed to talk to someone about it which is why I’m on here .

It's not the end of the world op.

Learn to delegate, that takes the pressure off you all the time.

Stop feeling guilty about everything, your daughter had a lovely evening, that's what matters.

I can see from a previous thread OP that your husband has been violent to you before. Far wiser people than me can advise you but you are not at fault in any way here. Please take care of yourself.

Stop trying to fix everything for everybody, it is not your job, and you will send yourself crazy. On the scale of things, not getting a photo is not the end of the world. She will have got plenty through the night with her friends, and there will be the official ones. Give yourself a day off, you cannot carry on with this level of anxiety around everything.
And please don’t beat yourself up any more, you sound like a lovely Mum.

I think I have one official photo of DD at her prom.
The important thing is that she had a great time, not that your DH took a photo on his phone.
I didn’t even take DD to her prom, she went with friends.
Your husband sounds highly unpleasant to me, and clearly knows how to guilt trip you. Nasty behaviour.

Proms are supposed to be a rite of passage celebration for kids, not a family photo op for middle aged men. Your dd will have lovely memories of getting ready with her friends and you do still have photos in her dress. If you’d done it dh’s way you’d have photos but the cost would have been your dd missing out on that shared experience with her friends. It really was a night when dds wishes trump her dad’s.

@partydownseason3

I can see from a previous thread OP that your husband has been violent to you before. Far wiser people than me can advise you but you are not at fault in any way here. Please take care of yourself.

Ah OP.

Your husband sounds deeply unpleasant just from what you've said on this thread. Blaming you for everything, and he has you blaming yourself too when it's all him.

He's a nasty piece of work, and even if he's been physically violent in the past but isn't now, he is still violent towards you.

I hope you can clear your mind enough to see how damaging he's been to you, and to your daughter living in this environment, so you can work on your self esteem and start planning a different life.

after the proms i felt so sad looking at others facebook pictures, glorious pictures of prom dc in beautiful scenery.
my ds refused to go
my dd we were lucky to get a photo outside as she was in such a rush
we made up for it with final dd, in another house's garden

but time has gone on, it is far less important now.

can you get some photos from someone else?

gosh, i am guilty of not reading thread.
your dh was over reacting.
what a stressful time

@ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn

Hug.

Know what I’d do? I’d get a professional family photo session booked and paid for

You did nothing wrong.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. Or if you can’t afford that just all get dressed up at home and take some nice pictures. Get her to put her dress on again and take some lovely photos

or ask your dd to dress up again and go to a beautiful national trust garden, i saw a family doing this.

tbh, your dh can organise this as he is so upset about it.

It's difficult but you need to get it into perspective. No one's going to die from this.

Oh dear so sorry you went through this.

If it is any consolation my DD didn't have a prom at all this year due to Covid.
DD would have loved one and was bitterly disappointed.

I, however was secretly over the moon as after the year we've had with G.C.S.E's I think I would have bucked under the stress/expectations/expense of it.

So on that score, you are better mum than me OP.

buckled