Dp has anger problems.

[BountyIsUnderrated]

I am so disappointed.
Dp has stress related anger problems since I met him 6 years ago which improved up until the baby was born.
We both know he has issues and he's been working on it, he's always struggled to verbally communicate his feelings so tends to take his anger out instead (throwing stuff sometimes).
I've been depressed recently so tried to be more positive, he's been saying he needs to work on his mood and was improving. Last night we had friends around and something frustrating happened and he couldn't get it to work again for a good 5 minutes, he was slightly annoyed but it escalated to swearing and raising his voice at the thing.
The room got really uncomfortable, he sat back down when it was working again and texted me to say sorry he's had a bad day (which it was really stressful in fairness). I ignored it which sent him storming upstairs for a good 10 minutes (he does this to calm down) he finally returned visibly upset and apologised profusely to everyone for his anger and also at the end of the night.

I know I should be happy he apologised to our friends he was upset he let it get to him, but I'm so ashamed he's never done this in front of friends before (his family know he has a short fuse). He also never lets the baby get to him but when I'm angry in response it tends to make it 10x worse so I feel like I'm on eggshells half the time.
We both love eachother deeply but I'm feeling down again now, I really thought we turned a corner.
Am I right to still be annoyed even though he was apologetic and just try to forget about it?
I'm just so embarrassed.

He may have shown patience so far with the baby, but how will he deal with 7 hours of solid screaming or any other really stressful baby situation. That concerns me deeply.

There is some really good advice here which I'm not going to repeat, but I want to echo the comments of a pp who pointed out that you had put up with this behaviour for years, but came on here to talk because you were embarassed that some friends had seen it.

You should be much more worried that you and your child have to see it.

You came from a violent home, and if you stay in this situation then your child will say the same, and the cycle may continue. Why do that to your child?

Your DP may benefit from some professional help, but he is very slow to seek it out (and worrying that it takes being angry in front of friends to do that, whereas he's been happy to be angry and violent in front of you and your child without seeking any help).

If you are determined that you want to stay together, then I'd sugegst separating while he gets the help and proves that he will no longer - EVER - get physically angry. EVER.

If he isn't willing to pick up the phone and make a GP appointment today, then his promises are worthless.

Finally, you were embarassed about what your friends thought, and were reassured that he's apologised and they've said it was fine. Please know that they don't think it's fine and they won't ever forget. I witnessed a longtime friend have an angry outburst many years ago - about 30 years ago ish. It tainted my view of them ever after. We are no longer in touch but I still think about it and can remember the aftermath of that day, as people talked about how surprised they were, and kind of saw him differently after that incident. Your friends won't forget.

@user1471442488

Another mother who’s going to let her child grow up in a shitty abusive home because her poor husband is just frustrated and stressed and she loves him sooo much.

How anyone can have an ounce of respect for a man who shouts and throws things in a childish tantrum is beyond me. Absolutely pathetic.

Yep. Poor kid.

I echo that your friends do not think it’s ok. They’ve said that to stop you feeling so bad, and they feel embarrassed.

I’ve been in that situation and I have never thought it was ok.