Should I contact H's ex counsellor?

[ohstoplying]

I encouraged H to go to GP to ask about a particular type of MH therapy, I had to really push for him to do this. He did but that type of therapy wasn't available and he was given general counselling instead.
I was in the house, he was having a therapy session on the phone but he never told me. As I went to the kitchen I heard him in the living room basically lying to the counsellor. I did stop and listen and he just lied and lied. There were blatant contradictions and inconsistencies in his account that the counsellor clearly did not question. As well as outright lies there were also lies by omission.
Here are things he never told the counsellor:
That when I want to discuss something he doesn't want to he bangs his head on the wall and yells until I shut up
That he punched the wall next to my face when I told him I was not sharing a bedroom with him anymore
That he keeps coming into my bedroom when I am undressing and gets angry when I tell him he has to leave
That he calls me an evil bitch in front of the children
That when I tell him we need to talk about separating as we are both unhappy and its bad for the children that he tells me he won't and have to stay married to him.
That I pushed him to get the MH support he needs, that I gave up my own career to support his, that I have arranged family support for us/him, that I encourage him to go out and make friends, that I encourage him to do projects with the kids that they all enjoy and I get all the equipment they need for this, that basically I facilitate the life he wants. That I organise all of the nice family time with the children that he enjoys.
I could go on and on and on

He is now finished the counselling and is gloating and smirking and telling me how 'its very interesting' and how his counsellor spoke to her manager and they both agree that I am emotionally abusive to him.

I am absolutely gutted that the counsellors have gullibly swallowed the narrative of this idiot and have allowed themselves to become a tool in his egotism and rage against me for no longer loving him. They have made things so much worse for me.

Should I write to them? I would like them to be aware in the hope that it might encourage them to be more alert in future to becoming unwitting pawns in an abusive man's narrative.

*to not correct.

@DelilahDingleberry

Where did you get those 3 areas from TossieFleacake?

www.bacp.co.uk/media/6305/bacp-managing-confidentiality-legal-resource-gpia014-july2019.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjy4tfQ-pXyAhXHYMAKHR1fAgsQFnoECBkQAg&usg=AOvVaw1t2eyE6i1LaFb4Nz9Fp4zX" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.bacp.co.uk/media/6305/bacp-managing-confidentiality-legal-resource-gpia014-july2019.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjy4tfQ-pXyAhXHYMAKHR1fAgsQFnoECBkQAg&usg=AOvVaw1t2eyE6i1LaFb4Nz9Fp4zX

This document explains it well, in a bit more depth, pages 11 - 18

Thank you. I asked because you said those situations require a counsellor to break confidentiality, which isn’t quite true (except for the specific crimes list under “Statutory Obligations”). Lots of situations may require confidentiality to be broken but it’s an ethical decision for each counsellor based on the information they have. It’s important that people know this so that they don’t put off going to therapy when they are experiencing abuse in case the counsellor reports their partner to the police, which would almost certainly not happen without the person’s awareness and consent.

I understand your frustration OP, my ex played a similar game with me his mental health professionals. I think back to the marriage counsellor and the psychiatrist and I want to scream and shake them, that they couldn't see through his act or see how terrified of saying anything wrong I was. He also twisted it round in his head afterwards so in his mind they'd agreed with him and were on his side against me.

But these days, as frustrated as I get when I think about it, I know its pointless. It wouldn't get me anywhere and the best thing to do is to stay as far away from it all as possible and focus on myself.

How do you know that she told him that? Maybe he is lying to you to get a reaction, which clearly he is getting.

To be frank, you do show tendencies of control. For one, I think it's quite appalling that you stood there and listened to the conversation. However tempting it might be, it is such an infringement of privacy, at a time when privacy is most expected.

The fact that you want to call the counsellor and tell them straight is also a very controlling attitude, so whether you are abusive or not, there might be some issues that maybe you would benefit from considering.

I can see your still trying to fix him. You want the therapist to fix him.
He won’t change. No one can fix him.
If you really want him out then go to the police station and report the incidents to them.
Or WHEN he next becomes verbally and or physically abusive call the police and get him out.
You have no control over this man you cannot fix or change an abuser.
I’d suggest contacting women’s aid. Doing at the Freedom programme and reading Lundy Bancroft - Why does he do that -= it’s about abuse.
Staying with this man is damaging yourself and your children.
He’s just another sad bully who no doubt only abuses you and it isn’t directed to his family, friends or work colleagues.
You need to make plans to leave or make plans to get him out.
Protect your children if you don’t value yourself enough.
It’s hard I know - I’ve been there.

So you've got evidence he's lied to the counsellor, yet you believe him completely when he tells you that his counsellor has allegedly informed him that she's spoken to her manager and they both agree you're abusive?

You don't think it's possible that he might be... lying to you about that, too?

You're judging his counsellor's abilities based on one side of their interactions (which tbh you shouldn't have been listening into) and based on information a known liar is feeding you about how it apparently went. I can't believe you cannot see this.

Your anger is displaced onto this counsellor when in reality it should be directed towards him, or may be anger you feel towards yourself for putting up with this man for so long.