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Original poster

Should I forget this girl?

68 replies

Noah99 · 01/08/2021 00:24

Okay, so I'm gonna try and keep this short.

Ive never been really in love in my life. I'm 22 y/o. I met this girl and we clicked instantly, like a match made in heaven. We both had feelings for each other and spoke almost every day for around 5 months. We met each other a lot of times and hung out, went on dates and whatnot.

I've been diagnosed with moderate depression (whatever that means), and this girl knows that im not doing that well mentally, but im not such a big mess that I cant go to work and socialize with friends etc. But she knows that I kind of hate myself, that I think im pathethic and worthless and so on. She makes me happy, I wouldnt say that she completely cures my depression but she really helps.

Now to get to the point. She broke things off and told me to focus on myself and make myself a man that im proud off and that maybe someday if we are meant to be we will get back together or whatever.

This was a while ago, I am doing much better now and im in school studying to become a nurse. I still have feelings for her and that thought of us being together makes me happy. I really feel like this is my soulmate and that we two are meant to be together.

Now, I kind of ended things on a bad note since I was in love with her and thought that who gives a shit if im depressed, I still have feelings for you and you have feelings for me lets just do this. In my mind it made no sense that we shouldnt be togetehr just cause im depressd.

Bold: Should I try and contact her and see if we can maybe start talking a bit again or should I move on with my life?

OP posts:
BasicDad · 01/08/2021 00:31

Move on and continue working on you. You're not quite there, and this post is evidence of it.

You're very young. Very little is permanent at your age. Soak up as much experience as you can, and keep working on your own self esteem.

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 00:36

@BasicDad

You're probably right that im not quite there yet, but the way she made me feel, the way we connected. I would chop off my hand for her. Id marry her right this second if I could. Is it stupid of me to try and contact her and see what happends? Maybe tells me to forget her completely and never contact her again or maybe she wants to talk to me. If she doesnt want to talk to me ill just have to forget her thats fine. But if there is a chance of us being together even if its 1% I want to take the chance

OP posts:
ButterflyAway · 01/08/2021 00:37

I’d run a mile if I were her. No one needs to deal with that kind of heavy shit at 22.

Nightqueen · 01/08/2021 00:40

How long has it been since your contact with her? Has she tried to contact you since she broke it off?

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 00:42

@Nightqueen 3 weeks ago we had some contact, nothing special though

OP posts:
Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 00:43

@ButterflyAway

Yeah, there is probably something wrong with me, but she understood me either way.

OP posts:
Blindleadingtheblind · 01/08/2021 00:46

You're still so young with lots of life ahead of you. Concentrate on your studies for now. At your age women will probably come and go. Just work on yourself and find inner peace of mind. You sound like you're getting yourself together and to contact her again may not give you the result you want and make you feel worse. Best of luck.

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 00:50

@Blindleadingtheblind

It might not give me the results i want but what if it does? I cant get over that what if

OP posts:
BobCatBob · 01/08/2021 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobCatBob · 01/08/2021 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 00:54

@BobCatBob

Move on. she was probably being kind when she said those things when she broke up with you. You sound a bit obsessive about her and are probably superimposing things on her that she is not. Move on.
This. The best thing you can do for both of you is to leave well alone.
Savoretti · 01/08/2021 00:54

She would have made it clear if she was interested
She has let you down gently. If you hassle her she may not be so kind next time.
As @BobCatBob says you do sound more obsessive about her than actually genuine feelings

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:02

She made it clear that she had feelings for me and that she was interested in me. She said that I cant be her only source of happiness. I don't understand. You are making it seem like I have bad intent or something. I have feelings for her and she has feelings for me she made that clear, sure my feelings might be stronger and yes I might sound obssesive but she made it feel like life is worth living.

But im going to take your guys advise and just forget her. Cant a guy be in love?

OP posts:
Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:08

@BobCatBob Im 22 years old, never been in love, im depressed and this girl made it seem like life is worth living. I guess the combination maybe made me more obssesive of her than genuine feelings like you said how the fuck should I know? All I know is that I want to be with her. If she doesnt want to be with me thats it ill move on. I just dont want to give up on her.

OP posts:
BobCatBob · 01/08/2021 01:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 01:15

[quote Noah99]@BobCatBob Im 22 years old, never been in love, im depressed and this girl made it seem like life is worth living. I guess the combination maybe made me more obssesive of her than genuine feelings like you said how the fuck should I know? All I know is that I want to be with her. If she doesnt want to be with me thats it ill move on. I just dont want to give up on her.[/quote]
But she broke up with you, @Noah99. Respect her wishes.

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:19

@BobCatBob

You're right, its just so annoying that she broke up with me cause im depressed. I would rather she break up with me cause she doesnt like the way i look or that we didnt click or anything else...

OP posts:
AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 01:22

[quote Noah99]@BobCatBob

You're right, its just so annoying that she broke up with me cause im depressed. I would rather she break up with me cause she doesnt like the way i look or that we didnt click or anything else...[/quote]
But it’s not ‘annoying’, it’s a good decision. Dating someone depressed is absolutely soul-destroying. She’s very young. So are you. You dated for five months. She made her position clear — she doesn’t want to spend time reassuring someone who thinks they’re ‘pathetic and worthless’.

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:22

@BobCatBob

Nobody is saying you have bad intent. But she broke up with you and you should respect that. Maybe it would be worth you looking up the term ‘limerance’. You sound more like you’re in limerance than in love.
Yes, but she also said that if I get better and that we are meant to be we will find our way back to each other. Im not saying that I want to text her today or even in one year.
OP posts:
Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:24

@AnotherMarvellousThing

You are absolutely right, and I do understand why she did it, she has other thing she should prioritize like school, friends family and so on. But What if i get better? What if the doctors say that im not depressed anymore etc.

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 01/08/2021 01:26

To be fair she didn't js tbreak up, she said they 'may happen' once OP works more on his issues.
If he feels he's making progress by starting the nursing studies etc, I can't see why not tell her about it, convwey that you aer being more focussed and positive now.
It's only bee nthree weeks with some contact inbetween so it's not like she wants nothing to do with you, OP, so without putting pressure just tell her about your new achievements/studies. She may well thing 3 wks is not enough to re=start ith you but she may wan to see how it goes. If she doesnb't want that, you'll know from her response.

EmergencyHydrangea · 01/08/2021 01:26

Even if you get better she still doesn't have to date you.

Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:29

@CatAndHisKit

To be fair she didn't js tbreak up, she said they 'may happen' once OP works more on his issues. If he feels he's making progress by starting the nursing studies etc, I can't see why not tell her about it, convwey that you aer being more focussed and positive now. It's only bee nthree weeks with some contact inbetween so it's not like she wants nothing to do with you, OP, so without putting pressure just tell her about your new achievements/studies. She may well thing 3 wks is not enough to re=start ith you but she may wan to see how it goes. If she doesnb't want that, you'll know from her response.
Last contact we had was 3 weeks ago, but before that was a few months. And im not saying that im fully restored and not depressed and ready for a relationship. I just want to know if I should still contact her when I get better to see if there still is a chance if I still have feelings for her.
OP posts:
Original poster
Noah99 · 01/08/2021 01:30

@EmergencyHydrangea

Even if you get better she still doesn't have to date you.
Of course not, and if thats how she feels then fine, ill move on. But what if she maybe wants to give it another try? If she doesnt then she doesnt.
OP posts:
AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 01:34

@CatAndHisKit

To be fair she didn't js tbreak up, she said they 'may happen' once OP works more on his issues. If he feels he's making progress by starting the nursing studies etc, I can't see why not tell her about it, convwey that you aer being more focussed and positive now. It's only bee nthree weeks with some contact inbetween so it's not like she wants nothing to do with you, OP, so without putting pressure just tell her about your new achievements/studies. She may well thing 3 wks is not enough to re=start ith you but she may wan to see how it goes. If she doesnb't want that, you'll know from her response.
Honestly, it’s perfectly possible she was being kind as she dumped him and has absolutely no intention of dating him again, even if his MH came with a cast-iron guarantee.