Should I forget this girl?

[Noah99]

Okay, so I'm gonna try and keep this short.

Ive never been really in love in my life. I'm 22 y/o. I met this girl and we clicked instantly, like a match made in heaven. We both had feelings for each other and spoke almost every day for around 5 months. We met each other a lot of times and hung out, went on dates and whatnot.

I've been diagnosed with moderate depression (whatever that means), and this girl knows that im not doing that well mentally, but im not such a big mess that I cant go to work and socialize with friends etc. But she knows that I kind of hate myself, that I think im pathethic and worthless and so on. She makes me happy, I wouldnt say that she completely cures my depression but she really helps.

Now to get to the point. She broke things off and told me to focus on myself and make myself a man that im proud off and that maybe someday if we are meant to be we will get back together or whatever.

This was a while ago, I am doing much better now and im in school studying to become a nurse. I still have feelings for her and that thought of us being together makes me happy. I really feel like this is my soulmate and that we two are meant to be together.

Now, I kind of ended things on a bad note since I was in love with her and thought that who gives a shit if im depressed, I still have feelings for you and you have feelings for me lets just do this. In my mind it made no sense that we shouldnt be togetehr just cause im depressd.

Bold: Should I try and contact her and see if we can maybe start talking a bit again or should I move on with my life?

@AnotherMarvellousThing

Yes, maybe she was just being kind. But is it that bad that I want to find out? If I just send her a text asking if shes willing to talk, if she says no the fine ill leave her alone. But what if shes willing to talk''''?

@Noah99 just move on regardless. You have to be your main focus.

[quote Noah99]@AnotherMarvellousThing

Yes, maybe she was just being kind. But is it that bad that I want to find out? If I just send her a text asking if shes willing to talk, if she says no the fine ill leave her alone. But what if shes willing to talk''''?[/quote]
Because you say yourself you’re not recovered or ready for a relationship, therefore she won’t be considering resuming your relationship, even if she did mean what she said.

@AnotherMarvellousThing Im not saying I want to contact her today or even in 6 months. Im asking if I can contact her when I am mentally ready and have my life figured out

[quote BasicDad]@Noah99 just move on regardless. You have to be your main focus.[/quote]
Im trying man, its hard. I've had a fucked up childhood

The psychologist im seeing told me i have bipolar disorder type 1, im not sure if this has a play in it

I get it @Noah99 but stop obsessing about this girl and start obsessing about yourself.

@NannyAndJohn

Good God the poor woman. I wonder if she's prone to attracting the obsessive stalker types or if you're just the one off.

I hope for her sake she's getting all the attention and sex she wants and has forgotten about you.

Damn that hurt, didn't choose to be this way. I'll leave her alone and forget about her. Just wanted some advice.

@BasicDad

I get it *@Noah99* but stop obsessing about this girl and start obsessing about yourself.

Will do. Thanks

@Noah99 ignore @NannyAndJohn

But listen to the advice of others.

Concentrate on you, and only you. Becoming the best, healthiest, version of you that is possible.

Because until you do that, no relationship, with this girl or any other, will work out.

[quote excelledyourself]**@Noah99* ignore @NannyAndJohn*

But listen to the advice of others.

Concentrate on you, and only you. Becoming the best, healthiest, version of you that is possible.

Because until you do that, no relationship, with this girl or any other, will work out. [/quote]
Thank you, really. Your words mean a lot. I will do my best. I know that there is a version of me in the future that is truly happy.

Are you in the USA?

@PatricksRum

Are you in the USA?

Nope I live in Sweden

As someone who has suffered from depression and also centred my happiness as being based on other people, I have learned that I am no use to anyone unless I am ok with me. Having been in the space where you are and where you were when you met this girl I think, from personal experience, you are probably romanticising the relationship and possibly seeing it slightly through rose tinted glasses.

My mistake has been in focussing in making other people happy as that’s easier than addressing my issues and making myself happy.

I promise you, once you are in a truly good place for yourself, the right person will come along. And it doesn’t matter how long that takes. Following an abusive marriage breakdown I have been single for 3 years and I’m totally cool with that because I am happy…,I like myself and my own company. I’m totally open to a relationship but I also know my own worth and I’m not going to enter a relationship just to have company.

I wish you all the best……focus on you. Xx

@Pinkie68

As someone who has suffered from depression and also centred my happiness as being based on other people, I have learned that I am no use to anyone unless I am ok with me. Having been in the space where you are and where you were when you met this girl I think, from personal experience, you are probably romanticising the relationship and possibly seeing it slightly through rose tinted glasses.

My mistake has been in focussing in making other people happy as that’s easier than addressing my issues and making myself happy.

I promise you, once you are in a truly good place for yourself, the right person will come along. And it doesn’t matter how long that takes. Following an abusive marriage breakdown I have been single for 3 years and I’m totally cool with that because I am happy…,I like myself and my own company. I’m totally open to a relationship but I also know my own worth and I’m not going to enter a relationship just to have company.

I wish you all the best……focus on you. Xx

Thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot and you've made my day a lot better. I hate that I hate myself so strange...

Why do you hate yourself? Message me.

I think that you'll do no harm just staying in touch infrequently, maybe let her know how you're doing, ask her how she is, but don't put any pressure on her for a relationship. As she sees you're doing the necessary work then she might feel she wants to give it another go. Don't make her the centre of your happiness though, no-one can do that only yourself, but you're doing all the right things to make that so.

22 is young as a lot have said, but it doesn't mean you can't 'feel' these emotions, of course you can, I was married at your age! So don't beat yourself up or minimise your feelings.

I agree though that depression warps your thinking and feelings and probably until you're on top of this you won't be able to put your best self into any relationship, so carry on doing what's right for you and the rest will slot into place, whether that's with your ex or someone else.

I wish you the very best, depression is horrendous, but you can, will, and ARE getting better, you're doing all the right things, and at such a young age, to be struggling like this is so hard. Best of luck, you sound like a truly switched on, decent man, you'll get there.

@Booboo24

Thank you for your kind words, I really appriciate them. I really am struggling with everything but ill do my best

Ignore Nanny & John - frankly they're disgusting to say that to you.

Hats off to you for doing such a worthwhile course - you should be really proud of yourself for doing something so important.

IMO, I think you should let her go.

Even if she did want to give it another go, surely it would put you under immense pressure to appear to be 'okay' outwardly if you were suffering internally.

I think this would be very detrimental for you and not help you to progress and recover.

IF your desire to contact her is so strong that wild horses won't hold you back, sleep on it and think about it first. If you do and the result is negative, then leave her be for good.

Like others have said, you really have got your whole life ahead of you and it's going in the right direction (that's down to you) and just take with one step at a time, it will all come for you it really will.

Good luck

She broke things off and told me to focus on myself and make myself a man that im proud off and that maybe someday if we are meant to be we will get back together or whatever

Move on. She does not want to be with you. The maybe someday was her way of letting you down gently. If she she wanted to be with you she would be in contact herself.

Again - she does NOT want to be with you . She is not your soulmate and there are other people out there who can make you feel the way she did or better because you're now in a mentally better place.

The only thing that would come out of getting in touch is a big humiliating and depressing knock back.

Some people are being unfairly and unnecessarily cruel to you for some reason.

You have said once or twice that she made you so happy. Whilst this is a normal statement to make in a balanced, healthy, mutually supportive relationship, it can be very hard when one of the people is suffering with their mental health. It can make the other person feel as though they are responsible for the good or bad mental health of their bf / gf. That is a lot of pressure on them. It's often coupled with the pressue of constantly being supportive and being the strong one. Always reassuring the other person. Always have to think of their feelings first. It's exhausting to be the other person in that scenario. That can be hard enough in a mature, long standing relationship, but for someone in their early twenties it's too big an ask.

So your ex was exactly right to say you should concentrate on you. And good on you for doing that. Please keep doing it.

She said that maybe one day you might find each other again. It's possible she meant that. It's possible she was being kind. It's possible she meant it at the time but has since moved on. I can't see any problem in contacting her - once you're in a much better place yourself and at the top of your game - and asking. But be prepared that she may have moved on in the meantime.

Whatever happens, she isn't the only woman out there. There will be other opportunities for relationships. But you stand the best chance of a good, happy relationship if you are the best possible version of yourself.

And always remember that it isn't someone else's job to make you happy.

Yeah, forget her.

Op ignore some nasty comments on here. A lot are right though that you need to focus on yourself. You're studying to be a nurse, be proud of yourself! Give it another month or so and see how you're feeling. Dont go telling her you want to marry her though and don't be too in her face and this goes for all women its quite off putting. You should be living together and a while into a relationship before discussing marriage. Good luck

Op may I congratulate you on your English, it's very good and I would never have guessed that you weren't a native speaker!

It sounds like you are doing well working on your mental health. You mentioned that you have bipolar. It may be worth discussing with your psychiatrist your feelings about your relationship with this girl and how you feel your happiness, to some extent, revolved around her.

You mentioned a fucked up childhood. I am also a member of that unhappy club! I recognise those feelings of my happiness being completely controlled by one other person and my interactions with them. I would recommend that you look into co-dependency. It took me decades of unhappiness and unhealthy relationships before I got the memo! So if you can start to get a good handle on this at the age of 22, you will be doing well!

Wish you the best of luck Noah 🍀