Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found out today that I’m the other woman

121 replies

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 31/07/2021 02:33

Dated a man for 5 years and we split a year ago. We’ve been in contact regularly since and have been meeting up and having sex, more so this last month. He told me I’m the only one. Told me he loves me while having sex. But due to work commitments, can only see me once a week.
I suspected he was seeing somebody else but he promised he wasn’t and I stupidly believed him.
Fast forward to this week and he tells me he is away for work. Messaging regularly during the day. Text sex etc but he is unable to chat on the phone. Blames working hours.
I find out today he has been away on a different city with a girlfriend as she put a photo of them together on Facebook.
I messaged her to explain and turns out they were driving back from their week away with their two kids (one hers, one his).
She told him when they got back.
He’s messaged me several times saying I’ve ruined his life and I hope I’m happy breaking the hearts of two kids. And he thinks my parents would be disgusted in my behaviour (they both died 3 years ago and one 3 months ago).
The girlfriend has asked lots of questions and is lovely. She said he is a good liar.
He had said in a message that “you haven’t heard the last of this” and “I have no idea why you are doing this. You have no idea what you have done”
I can’t sleep. Pretty much still grieving the death of my dad in May. Don’t really have anybody to tell or for support. Just felt that I needed to tell somebody if that makes sense.
Any advice?

OP posts:
GullyGull · 09/08/2021 15:54

Suspect she'll be in touch soon with doubts about him and checking up on his whereabouts.

Its sad that she's setting the bar so low and potentially risking upsetting her child again when it all goes belly up. I wouldn't have someone like that in my child's life, way too flaky.

Topia · 09/08/2021 17:56

What a piece of work he is! Honestly, I can’t believe how nasty some individuals are. The mask has slipped & he’s revealed himself for the cheating, venomous snake that he is. His comments to you just show how far his reflect for you really goes ……& I’m sorry to say that’s not far in the slightest.

You’re well shot of him. Find someone who really loves you, has morals & is nice.

Topia · 09/08/2021 17:56

Sorry respect for you!

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 09/08/2021 19:50

While he was here…. She was messaging him to ask where he was before work.

Previous times when he was here, he never got his phone out at all. When it came out he had a girlfriend, she did say “that explains where he goes missing for a few hours and doesn’t message back”.
He picked up is phone immediately today.
He is awful.
Saying he loves her and sees a future with her. The heart ❤️ on the message was just unbelievable.
I feel so sorry for her, yet I think she dispises me for telling her the truth.
I won’t message her this time. Shes believed him after last time. I have no doubt he has told her I’m the bad one.
She will have to find out for herself I suppose x

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 09/08/2021 20:27

Well it’s up to her now - if she’s stupid enough to take him back more fool her.

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 14/08/2021 10:42

She knows everything that he has said and done and that he met me again on Monday despite the blow up when I found out and told her. That he begged me not to say anything to her and “if I promise to keep quiet, we can still message and have sex”
They are still together. It’s amazing what some women will tolerate even though they know the facts. I tolerated it for so long but was unaware of the double life, and couldn’t for a minute longer, continue that once I found out he was sleeping with us both.
He is the worst man I have ever dated, and to think I use to think he was lovely.
To be so deceitful while I was grieving and still tell me when we met that he loves me so much, he doesn’t think he will ever love anybody the same again, but I dumped him and he wants a future and she is the one who doesn’t dump him!
Absolutely comical.
They are welcome to each other.
Shame it’s taken me 6 years to realise but this has been a wake up call to end it once and for all! 😂

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 06:16

@WhatdoIsaytohim11

She knows everything that he has said and done and that he met me again on Monday despite the blow up when I found out and told her. That he begged me not to say anything to her and “if I promise to keep quiet, we can still message and have sex” They are still together. It’s amazing what some women will tolerate even though they know the facts. I tolerated it for so long but was unaware of the double life, and couldn’t for a minute longer, continue that once I found out he was sleeping with us both. He is the worst man I have ever dated, and to think I use to think he was lovely. To be so deceitful while I was grieving and still tell me when we met that he loves me so much, he doesn’t think he will ever love anybody the same again, but I dumped him and he wants a future and she is the one who doesn’t dump him! Absolutely comical. They are welcome to each other. Shame it’s taken me 6 years to realise but this has been a wake up call to end it once and for all! 😂

You are nobody's fool .. you did yourself proud ..

Im sorry for the loss of your parents 🌸

WhatdoIsaytothem · 18/08/2021 18:37

Thank you.
“You did yourself proud” is the phrase I’ve been going back to, to get me through this crappy bit. I felt desperately sad at the weekend, but feel so much better today. Like a weight has been lifted. No negativity, no second guessing. No gaslighting :)
Thanks to all who commented. You are all lifesavers.

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 18/09/2022 12:39

After over a year, I have met an amazing man and we plan to marry next year. This lowlife narcissist has actually emailed me (blocked on everything else) to ask how me and my kids are… and said I hurt him more than he could have ever imagined!!
As far as I know, he is still with the woman who forgave him.
I am truly happy now. I never have given this scum bag a second thought, but his email made me mad. How dare he email now and say I hurt him.
I feel like messaging her and saying “please ask him not to contact me again”.
I thought I’d heard the last from this individual.

OP posts:
TooHotToTangoToo · 18/09/2022 12:45

Tbh that's exactly what I'd do, and use those words too. I'd also tell your df as well so it's all out in the open between you and df and that way the arsehole can't come between you both ever

SuperSange · 18/09/2022 12:56

You keep saying he's blocked on everythig, but he's not , is he? He's emailed you several times now and you're responding to him. Why is that? Why wasn't his email blocked after the first time he contacted you on it?

iamjustwinginglife · 18/09/2022 13:51

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 18/09/2022 12:39

After over a year, I have met an amazing man and we plan to marry next year. This lowlife narcissist has actually emailed me (blocked on everything else) to ask how me and my kids are… and said I hurt him more than he could have ever imagined!!
As far as I know, he is still with the woman who forgave him.
I am truly happy now. I never have given this scum bag a second thought, but his email made me mad. How dare he email now and say I hurt him.
I feel like messaging her and saying “please ask him not to contact me again”.
I thought I’d heard the last from this individual.

Congratulations!! I really hope it all works out for you. Great update - happy Sunday x

Pineappleskies · 18/09/2022 14:30

Oh wow! Thanks for the update and congratulations xx

JanuaryBug · 18/09/2022 14:58

SuperSange · 18/09/2022 12:56

You keep saying he's blocked on everythig, but he's not , is he? He's emailed you several times now and you're responding to him. Why is that? Why wasn't his email blocked after the first time he contacted you on it?

I was coming to post this exact thing before I rtft.

Why after knowing this man had been cheating on someone with you have you continued to entertain him by meeting up with him behind his partners back and even now, replying to his emails when you are engaged to someone else now too?

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 18/09/2022 15:21

I haven’t seen him or heard from him for over a year.
I certainly haven’t met up or seen him since august 2021.
He emailed out of the blue this week.

I blocked him on everything. Hotmail wouldn’t block a sender

OP posts:
MzHz · 18/09/2022 15:44

Congratulations! I’m thrilled for you.

im glad you posted here. We’re here for you!

don’t reply. Just ignore. He’ll think he’s blocked

Bedazzled22 · 18/09/2022 16:14

Congratulations a great update. Best wishes

JuneJuly · 18/09/2022 23:48

I'm glad you're in a better situation now OP.

Don't give previous scumbag the satisfaction of a response. It will be harder on him to never hear from you again so that's exactly what should happen.

Tbh, he's probably only getting back in touch now because he & his other partner have split up.

DON'T REPLY...keep him wondering. He deserves nothing else from you.

Boreded · 19/09/2022 00:46

You did a good thing to let her know, she deserves to know what that scumbag did to you both.

and blocking and moving on is perfect, you keep your dignity and that cretin lives with his mistake

Daleksatemyshed · 19/09/2022 09:46

You did all the right things @WhatdoIsaytohim11 and I'm so glad you're happy now.
When he says you hurt him he wants you to feel guilty for leaving him but I don't believe a word of it. He thought you'd fight for him and can't understand how you just let him go, he wanted two women to fight over him. What an ego he has!
It's sad the GF got sucked back in but she'll have to learn the hard way as you did.

Mooloolabababy · 19/09/2022 10:16

Ah that's great to hear op!
I'd definitely email the gf but I'd forward on his email to her too, it would be nice to think that this may be the catalyst for her to finally realise what a dick he is and leave him.
I wouldn't contact him at all though.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page