Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found out today that I’m the other woman

121 replies

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 31/07/2021 02:33

Dated a man for 5 years and we split a year ago. We’ve been in contact regularly since and have been meeting up and having sex, more so this last month. He told me I’m the only one. Told me he loves me while having sex. But due to work commitments, can only see me once a week.
I suspected he was seeing somebody else but he promised he wasn’t and I stupidly believed him.
Fast forward to this week and he tells me he is away for work. Messaging regularly during the day. Text sex etc but he is unable to chat on the phone. Blames working hours.
I find out today he has been away on a different city with a girlfriend as she put a photo of them together on Facebook.
I messaged her to explain and turns out they were driving back from their week away with their two kids (one hers, one his).
She told him when they got back.
He’s messaged me several times saying I’ve ruined his life and I hope I’m happy breaking the hearts of two kids. And he thinks my parents would be disgusted in my behaviour (they both died 3 years ago and one 3 months ago).
The girlfriend has asked lots of questions and is lovely. She said he is a good liar.
He had said in a message that “you haven’t heard the last of this” and “I have no idea why you are doing this. You have no idea what you have done”
I can’t sleep. Pretty much still grieving the death of my dad in May. Don’t really have anybody to tell or for support. Just felt that I needed to tell somebody if that makes sense.
Any advice?

OP posts:
katieg03 · 31/07/2021 17:00

What a pig of a man. You have won. You've won being free of a total pig. Take care of yourself

HorseRaddish · 31/07/2021 17:03

So sorry OP, he sounds very manipulative Flowers

OrlandointheWilderness · 31/07/2021 17:13

I think your parents would be proud of you actually. You've acted with dignity and thought for others.

AlmostSummer21 · 31/07/2021 17:14

@ActonSquirrel

Block them all. They deserve each other Flowers
What?

How on Earth does his girlfriend deserve this? She didn't know about the OP & she was in a relationship with him.

AlmostSummer21 · 31/07/2021 17:22

@WhatdoIsaytohim11

How DARE he presume to know what YOUR parents would think??

I think I'm more angry about that, than his cheating...

I'm so sorry about your parents xx.

You did the right thing telling her, I hope you feel able to answer any questions she has. It sounds like he took up with her before you split up (last time!). Wanker.

It's not easy to grieve, particularly in the current climate. But it's time to look after yourself and look forward, don't waste time on thinking about him & what you had/what he said... he's not worth anymore of your time.

Xx

dottiedodah · 31/07/2021 17:40

Well he sounds like a total twat ,only happy getting his dick wet with 2 unsuspecting ladies! If he sends any more nasty messages ,contact the police immediatly. Its a reflection of him that he just wants to play around .Glad the Fuckers got caught .You have done nothing wrong at all! Your DP will be glad you are rid of him!

JuneJuly · 31/07/2021 17:49

Unbelievable what his thought process has been, isn't it?!

He's lashed out and said what he did about your parents because he's trying to hurt you & knows that's the way to do it, so pay no attention to that. He, himself, knows it's not true.

You obviously hit him where it hurts the most for him to feel like he wants to get back at you in some way.

He's completely unjustified in thinking like that of course because he's knowingly set up the whole situation. And now he's angry that it's all come crashing down... but manages, in his own head, to blame you for that (for not keeping quiet) rather than himself for being a cheating scumbag!

AllTheSingleLadiess · 31/07/2021 17:54

He's a massive cheeky dick of a gaslighting fucker.
How's he twisted his lies into something that's your fault? He is the only one to blame here. He's the one who has been cheating and lying.
Your parents would not judge you for falling for a liar.

sleepyhoglet · 31/07/2021 18:54

If she dated him for a year and you for 5 years then she is the other woman!

Angelofchaos · 31/07/2021 19:04

@sleepyhoglet

If she dated him for a year and you for 5 years then she is the other woman!
They dates for 5 years and split up a year ago. Which is how long he has been seeing this woman.

Op doesn't say they got back together, just that they kept in touch and started having sex again.

The woman she contacted was in an actual relationship.

And even if she wasn't she had no clue op existed

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 01/08/2021 06:16

I’ve realised now that he lied to me about everything.
He only lied to her about me.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so badly treated, and I put up with it for a whole year because I thought I loved him and stupidly trusted him.

What an awful time for this to happen when I already felt like I had enough on my plate struggling with my grief.

OP posts:
Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 07:35

Lying to her about you, involved a thousands smaller lies.

He didn't treat either of you well. Don't think about who got lied to worse. She had a daughter he was involved with. The daughter was spending time with his son. He lied to all of them. Pretending they were building a happy little family of their own.

Its absolutely an awful time for it to come out. But coming out now is better than in a year or 2. In the long run. Doesn't feel like it now, but at least you know.

MuseumGardens · 01/08/2021 07:56

You dealt with it well and have done nothing wrong. He's a twat to blame you when he's in the wrong.

baldafrique · 01/08/2021 07:58

What a psychopath he is coming out with those comments! Jesus.

PatchworkElmer · 01/08/2021 08:08

You’ve dealt with this so well OP. The only person who has done something wrong here is him.

Bollindger · 01/08/2021 08:14

His actions may have given you more stress, ditching him means you can moarn this part of your life and find a better path as you move forward.
You can do this. It's summer and a time of new birth.

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 01/08/2021 08:18

They both had a son. The sons got on well by the sound of it as they’ve both told me via a message that the kids are heartbroken

OP posts:
Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 08:21

@WhatdoIsaytohim11

They both had a son. The sons got on well by the sound of it as they’ve both told me via a message that the kids are heartbroken
Sorry don't know why I assumed she had s daughter.

The kids are heart broken because he lied. He cheated. He treated both women terribly. He lied to both kids.

That's all on him.

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 01/08/2021 08:24

He messaged when the girlfriend confronted him that I have ruined his life.
I know I should feel relieved that my suspicions were true and it’s all over now…. but the fact he’s been with her just over a year is stomach churningly difficult for me to process.
It’s just heartbreak. I know. I’ve had it before but it hurts :(

OP posts:
baldafrique · 01/08/2021 08:24

He sounds insane

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 08:34

@WhatdoIsaytohim11

He messaged when the girlfriend confronted him that I have ruined his life. I know I should feel relieved that my suspicions were true and it’s all over now…. but the fact he’s been with her just over a year is stomach churningly difficult for me to process. It’s just heartbreak. I know. I’ve had it before but it hurts :(
He ruined his life. When he he decided to try and have 2 women without being honest.

Everyone involved, being made aware of the situation is not what ruined his life.

rainbowstardrops · 01/08/2021 09:06

He needs to take a look in the mirror if he wants to see the person that is to blame for this mess.
Sorry he's treated you so badly.

user1471462428 · 01/08/2021 09:17

Op, I know it’s the last thing you need to hear but please have a sexual health test. It’s a hard thing to do but better to know than not know.

WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 01/08/2021 09:25

@user1471462428

Op, I know it’s the last thing you need to hear but please have a sexual health test. It’s a hard thing to do but better to know than not know.
Thankyou. I have ordered a test online. The girlfriend did ask if I saw him on a date that I didn’t… so I don’t even know if there could be another one of us. I guess I will never really know if there was and why this happened. I’ve spoken to a friend today IRL and she was lovely and agreed with all the advice here. Block and delete :)
OP posts:
66babe · 01/08/2021 09:28

You missed something out @WhatdoIsaytohim11
Block delete and 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

You may not feel like it right now as you are still grieving and that crutch you believed you had has gone
But I promise , you should be celebrating sussing that vile prick right out the door

Concentrate on your friends , yourself and your healing
Better days are coming 💐

Swipe left for the next trending thread