Has anyone’s relationship failed because of their DC?

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

I really don’t know what to do. I am divorced with two DDs who are 12 and 15. I have been seeing someone for three years. He is lovely, kind, supportive, funny and I have never felt so happy with anyone. But DD2 hates the fact I’m with him and says she hates him and his daughter. She can be very moody and difficult about things but I feel I have reached my limit with it and I think the only way I can stop this is to end things. She is extremely stubborn and always has been so I can’t imagine what could make her see things in a different way, I really don’t want to, but DP and I have spoken about marriage about there is no way I can even think about that. I don’t know where we go from here. I feel heartbroken and helpless. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Is it the 12 year old or 15 year old that doesn't like your partner? Does he live with you?

Well that's a heap lot of crap you just blamed your 12 yr old for!

More information needed,

The 12 year old hates him. The 15 year olds really likes him.

@RiverSkater

Well that's a heap lot of crap you just blamed your 12 yr old for!

More information needed,

^this

Maybe try and talk to your dd about this. She’s not responsible for ending this relationship - it falls to you and your partner.

What have you tried to get things to work between her and your partner?

I’m not blaming her for anything. I’m explaining how things are and asking for advice.

Oh love. Same boat. Its shit isn't it. My ds can't accept My new relationship either. Half of me thinks I should end it. Half of me thinks fuck him.... im in love and why can't I have what I want?

Why does she hate him? Had she given any reason?

He doesn’t live with me. He lives quite far away and she doesn’t see him much. He had no idea about any of this.

There is no reason for her hating him. She just doesn’t want me to be in a relationship. She and I have spoken at length about it. She says it isn’t personal one day and the next day days she hates him

Tonight she is texting me from upstairs telling me she hates him and she will never talk to him when he is here. They have never had an argument or a cross word.

Do you think she actually hates him?
Is it the fact that you have a life outside of being her mum?

I'm not sure I would end a relationship on the say so of a stroppy tween.

They can hate anyone and anything.

@MorriseysGladioli I think you are right but I just can’t see how things will change

Oh! Just read your further posts.

Well of course she doesn't want to lose out on her mum's time and attention to some random man and his daughter much less move in together and have to share her personal space, mealtimes, leisure times, the bathroom, being told off by him, being forced to share with his DD, having you side against her with his DD...! why on earth would any child want that?

You are asking a lot of your DDs here. The impact on them is huge. You might want to spend some time thinking very seriously what things look like from DDs perspective, put yourself in their shoes. Do you remember being 12 or 15?

Can you not continue the relationship for yourself but hold off on moving in or forcing the DCs to play happy families until after DDs have gone to uni? only 6 or 7 years to go then you can have a lot more freedom.

My DD and DP have the odd fallout, but that’s normal life. Everyone argues and clashes.
But, never has she said that she hates him. I personally couldn’t deal with always being on eggshells, what’s going to happen next scenarios.

Only you know your daughter, but she is telling you how she feels. Hate is a strong emotion. If she didn’t like him, or was indifferent, then that would maybe be different. But this age is when girls particularly need their mums to empathise with them.

Also, it’s been three years, has your DD always felt this way?

Sorry but there must be something behind from you, him, the past, that’s making her feel this way. Maybe try delving a bit more rather than blaming a child for ‘hating’ your partner?

@SoundBar he doesn’t live here. She has only met his daughter twice. I have taken things really slowly in the hope that she would come round.

Just seen your further posts.

I agree with @SoundBar. DP and I don’t live together. It’s just not the right time, DD needs come first.

@Llamasally I have no idea what that could be other than she sees I am really happy and is scared about the future and how things might change.

I would put the relationship on the back burner. Focus on your DDs. Their happiness comes first.

@SoundBar I’m not asking a huge amount of my DDs. They see DP one evening a week if that. Often they are with their dad when I see him. As I said, I have taken things very slowly. I waited a year before introducing him, he has never stayed over when they are here and they have only met his DD twice.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Llamasally I have no idea what that could be other than she sees I am really happy and is scared about the future and how things might change.[/quote]
That’s probably a valid reason to be worried for a child. I’m not sure what the answer is though…

It could just be a personality thing, but it would damage your relationship if you force her to live with him. Depends how much that matters to you, but the fact that you’re posting suggests it does. I wouldn’t break up but just accept that you won’t be blending in the near future. Keep the relationship separate from your life with your kids.

I disagree with all. Why is she controlling this. Is it because of jealousy? Why doesn't she want you to be happy?

I can perhaps give a perspective from your daughter's point of view. My parents split up and it was messy, I didn't tell many people as it was all very unclear at first whether they would get back together. My mum started seeing someone else when I was a young teen. It was awful. He was a nice person, but seeing him put his hands on my mum made me feel sick. I felt so pushed out. It was also embarrassing. People would assume he was my dad and I was too embarrassed to explain. I just wanted thinks to go back to how they were, it wasn't this man's fault, he was great really, I just didn't want a stranger joining my family. Or having sex with my mum! It's a really tough thing for a teen to deal with.