Will we work out

[nearly30s]

Hi I have been with my guy for 12 years.

I give every thing up for him for his career. I cheated on him and tried to hide it but months later he found out. He was devastated and made me feel guilty for months. He finally forgive me!

To find out 8 months ago he had then went on to have and affair when I found out he told me he loved her. And because I had cheated on him he confided in her.

He tried to leave me a few times before I found out about the affair.

It's 8 months on and I still feel something is going on with them.
He works away and I'm due to move there with him. At least that way I can keep an eye on him.

Through the week when he's away I FaceTime him until he falls asleep and when I wake up I ring him make sure he's on his own. I make him send me his location through the day while he's at work.

We argue constantly but I don't want him to leave me for her.

I have tried to make things better like get a pet. I let him do what he wants and when he comes home I let him sit on the PlayStation with his friends all weekend.

Do you think things will get better once I live with him full time again

I think considering what he has put me through telling me he loves anther women and I'm not daft I know you can't switch those feelings off. The things I get him to do aren't asking much

They really are asking too much! Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Nothing you have said about this relationship is good. When were you last happy?

So let me get this straight?

-You cheated on him first (Once or not is irrelevant. If you truly love someone you don't cheat on them)
-You have psychotic behaviour (Making him send his location/factimeing him constantly)
-You argue constantly

And you think all of this is normal behaviour?

Want to know how mine and the majority of other relationships operate? Trust. I trust my partner so I don't need to facetime him all day or make him send me his location. If he says hes at work then I believe him. If he says he has to stay late because they're approaching a deadline and need to work extra... I trust him.

He has enough trust and respect for me to not cheat (and I can say that with 10000000% confidence) and I him.

From what you've said so far this it utterly toxic and no it won't work out. You would both be happier without each other and have you ever considered he's having an affair because he wants a "normal" relationship without toxic controlling? (NOT condoning it but if that's a breather for him I don't blame him)

It doesn't sound like there much love, trust or respect on either side to be honest.

If he has feelings for another woman why are you staying around to torture yourself? You're not acknowledging how wrong your behaviour is.

I've a feeling you wont listen to anyone on here nor your mum. To answer your question no this relationship wont work, it is a car crash. I shan't waste time responding to you anymore, you're too busy making excuses for your appalling, immature, coercive behaviour and I have little time for abusive people having left a controlling relationship myself.

The things I get him to do aren't asking much

Healthy relationships don't work like this. You don't own him and you can't control him. Relationships are based on trust, respect and love.

Do you work? Do you have hobbies or interests. How about friends? There is a wonderful world out there to experience. Change your focus.

Move back home, get some help with your insecurities and lack of confidence.

Above all, you can't make anyone love you. Please accept the relationship is over.

@nearly30s

I'm 29, 30 this year. He's had an affair what do you expect me to do

YOU had an affair first. What do you expect HIM to do?

Personally I'd actually have expected him to leave....but he didn't!

This is a dreadful relationship and it won’t work out.

It's over. Sooner you accept, the sooner you can move on.

Why did you have an affair? You must have been unhappy.

Op I don't think you are facing up to any of this.

From the other posted can you see this ever working out.

It seems like an absolute disaster.

I'm not even sure counselling could sort this out.

Maybe you should just accepts it's over. 29 you have your whole life ahead of you.

You cheated on him first so you can't be worried about not meeting any one else.