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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Girlfriend going away with ex boyfriend

72 replies

Pricey1976 · 29/07/2021 18:54

I have been with my girlfriend for just over 5 months , a couple of weeks ago she went to a wedding with her ex boyfriend which involved a two night stay , I had to accept this because it was arranged before we met , now she tells me they are planning a weekend away with friends from the weather, I told her this is unreasonable, total disrespect to me and it should be me going not her ex … am I right in saying this because she said it’s her and her exes friends so I’m not invited .. need some advice on how to tackle this
Thanks

OP posts:
premium77 · 29/07/2021 19:59

I mean if they are actually just friends and theres other people going I don’t really see the issue.

Personally I think that if dating someone who is friends with an ex is a deal breaker for you then you should never date that person in the first place. I don’t think it’s fair to date that person and then try and change the dynamic.

i wouldn’t date someone who is friends with their ex for this very reason.

StarryNight468 · 29/07/2021 20:03

Just bail out of this whole relationship OP. You're not being unreasonable, your feelings are valid but she will make you out to be the bat shit one in this.

Original poster
Pricey1976 · 29/07/2021 20:03

But at the same time she only told me they was good friends after the wedding up until then she didn’t have a good word to say about him !! Also they have only been split up just short of a year

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 29/07/2021 20:07

bail out. This will not end well. move on and find someone else

girlmom21 · 29/07/2021 20:15

Ultimately you don't feel like you can trust them so you shouldn't have to put up with this. Walk away now.

Babyghirl · 29/07/2021 20:15

@pricey1976
I say if someone is friends with there ex they either never loved them or are still in love with them, get out they might be there friends but your her partner and should be invited to mix with them as your a team now and come as one, I would not trust her as far as I could throw her tbh, find someone who wants you to be part of what ever they r doing.

Bookaholic73 · 29/07/2021 20:17

There is no way I’d be happy with my DH going away with his ex.
You aren’t being unreasonable at alll.

coffeeandjuice · 29/07/2021 20:25

I personally wouldn't be able to cope with my OH going away with his ex. I think it would be my cue to leave- leave them to it. I'd assume it meant unfinished business.

Original poster
Pricey1976 · 29/07/2021 20:32

She tried to compare it to when I pick my daughter up and I have to see my ex … when in fact it’s not even in the same bracket … I was gobsmacked

OP posts:
KateTheEighth · 29/07/2021 20:40

Get out of this relationship

She's taking you for a fool

TheWeeDonkey · 29/07/2021 21:01

She only told you they were good friends after the wedding? [Hmm]

TheNewBlack · 29/07/2021 21:18

YANBU.

Say ‘By all means go away with your ex if you want but it’s a deal breaker for me. I wish you well. Enjoy your holiday’. And walk away.

Don’t look back.

forumdonkey · 29/07/2021 21:32

It doesn't really matter whether it's reasonable or not, it's how it makes you feel. If her doing that makes you unhappy and you can't live with it, finish it.

Northernsoullover · 29/07/2021 21:35

She's taking you for a mug. Thank you. Next!

drpet49 · 29/07/2021 21:38

** There is no way I’d be happy with my DH going away with his ex.
You aren’t being unreasonable at all.**

^This. She is playing you for a fool

EarthSight · 29/07/2021 21:40

@Pricey1976

She tried to compare it to when I pick my daughter up and I have to see my ex … when in fact it’s not even in the same bracket … I was gobsmacked
Lol. That's a pathetic comparison. It's not the same at all and she knows it.
Fustyoldface · 29/07/2021 21:41

Yep all the hating him then suddenly friends - sounds slightly fishy. Walk away.

Seesawmummadaw · 29/07/2021 21:42

Bizarre

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 21:43

You're joking right? You can't possibly not know what to do here. Your girlfriend is cheating on you right in front of your eyes. FGS, stop being such a mug. She is making a fool out of you.

MushMonster · 29/07/2021 21:44

YANBU, your feelings are perfectly normal. Some people (very few I think) would be ok with this setting. Me, no way!
Walk out and wish each other best luck.
Do not spend more time on something that does not feel right.

CanIHaveAHolidayPlease · 29/07/2021 21:50

I wouldn't put up with this, but that's just me.

She says she hated him but hate is still a feeling. Who can be bothered with someone who had feelings for their ex so recently? I don't think it would be quite so bad if she felt indifferent towards him.

Fustyoldface · 29/07/2021 21:58

You’ll be ok pricey

PolkadotSkies · 29/07/2021 22:32

[quote Babyghirl]@pricey1976
I say if someone is friends with there ex they either never loved them or are still in love with them, get out they might be there friends but your her partner and should be invited to mix with them as your a team now and come as one, I would not trust her as far as I could throw her tbh, find someone who wants you to be part of what ever they r doing.[/quote]
Wow. That's bonkers. I am friends with most of my exs. We don't speak/ see each other very often but sometimes do. Going in holiday with them - unless it's with shared children which isn't the case here - is a bit much. But to claim nobody can have a genuine, platonic friendship with an ex is really weird and suggests that your relationships did not end in a healthy/ respectful way, but that isn't always the case for everybody.

TheNewBlack · 29/07/2021 22:43

@Fustyoldface is right.

You will be ok without this relationship.

You don’t need this in your life and the sooner you can walk away the more you will see it for what it is.

Take care.

TolkiensFallow · 29/07/2021 22:45

It’s the fact that you aren’t invited that pushes this over the edge