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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

6 months pregnant, partner has left me

52 replies

redlbr · 27/07/2021 17:03

Hi everyone

I will try and keep this as straightforward as I can

I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and already have a 5 year old son, both to my (now ex) partner

Things have always been rocky. Ex has borderline personality disorder (diagnosed) and struggles with depression and anxiety

In 2019 we split, he remained in our jointly owned home and me and my son moved out and rented.

August 2020 we reconciled and have since been trying to make things work (or so I thought). I fell pregnant beginning of 2021, baby wasn't planned and many will think how foolish but nonetheless we are expecting a baby girl in October. Please no judgment, the clock cannot be turned back!

Anyway, throughout our relationship I have tried so so hard to support his struggles with his BPD and mental health, I have tried to be patient, caring, forgiving. He does not work at all, he has issues with gambling and is verbally and emotionally abusive. We are in the process of selling our home to pay off his debts and living together in my rented home. Things have never been great, but never so bad as they have been lately but I always held on to that glimmer of hope and so wanted for things to work out. So many people have told me to leave but it's so easy to say and so hard to do. We have good and happy times too and I think they are what keep me holding on.

Today he has upped and left me. He says that he's not happy with me, he's been pretending because I'm pregnant. He won't communicate or talk, he's blocked my number and social media. He's already on dating sites. He is being so cold and blunt and so final about everything. I feel worthless! I can't stop crying and thinking this is not how things are meant to be. Feels like my world has crumbled around me

I'm so sad, confused, hurt and I feel abandoned. I guess I'm just here for somewhere to vent and hopefully find someone who can relate and tell me everything will be ok? It's like I know im better off without him but I am also terrified and heartbroken and sad.

Any advice would be appreciated xx

OP posts:
redlbr · 27/07/2021 17:09

Just 3 days ago we were out for the day having a lovely time, we have still been intimate, all the normal 'I love you's' etc etc.. I feel blindsided Sad

OP posts:
Lonelynow · 27/07/2021 17:12

I too suffer from borderline personality disorder and I would not dream of treating someone in this way. So often people use their diagnosis to condone terrible behaviour.

You will be OK OP, I suspect he will try to reappear with his tail between his legs and expect you to take him back as that is what you have always done. Please let this time be the time you do not. As you say things have been awful for so long, so they would not be better especially if as he says he has been "pretending". Right now it is all very fresh and you will be feeling all over the place for a while, especially since you are pregnant but I can guarantee you that you will get through this and you will learn from it. Focus on your own wellbeing and your children. Don't check dating sites to see if he's on there, don't try and contact him. You are far better off without this man in your life.

minniemouseshouses · 27/07/2021 17:29

That is horrible OP, it sounds like you have put up with A LOT. His behaviour is childish and disgusting. I agree with PP, stay strong. Start planning for your life without this man.

MissBPotter · 27/07/2021 17:37

Sounds like he has done you a favour in the long run, though it won’t seem like it now probably. If he doesn’t work and is in debt, you will have to support one less person on your wage now! Also I would ensure that you get half the equity in the property for yourself and it isn’t used for paying off his debt. He can do that with his part. I would probably start talking to a solicitor ASAP. He sounds like an absolute waste of space to be honest and you will be fine without him!

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2021 17:39

He has done you the biggest favour of your life, just don't be foolish enough to ever take him back. Change the locks and move on.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 27/07/2021 17:42

You are getting what you’re entitled to from the sale of the house? He pays his debts from his share, not yours.

CasaBonita · 27/07/2021 17:47

He's really played you hasn't he? Make damn sure you get what you're entitled to. PLEASE do not let this man worm his way back in when the mood takes him.

I get this is hard but you have to be strong. Think of your children. He will be a dead weight around your neck if you let him back into your life.

redlbr · 27/07/2021 17:49

Thank you all for your replies.

The logic in me knows you are all right, when you say he has done me a favour and I will be better off.

But why is it sooo hard to accept. Why do I miss a man who shouted at me every day and who told me to off every time I tried to resolve an argument? Who would flounce off downstairs if I ever turned down sex? Who disregarded my SPD pain and shouted at me because I didn't want to go for a walk on the hills? Who said the 'only thing I've done is open my legs' whilst Im the one who goes to work and studies for my degree and does the majority of childcare / housework?

Just a few examples out of many and im sorry im ranting now! I just keep flitting between sad and furious!

I think there is a trauma bond here from 7+ years of abuse and whilst I can recognise it I can't seem to find a way to overcome it.

How do people find the strength to just pick themselves up and move on? My heart feels shattered xx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2021 17:52

You need therapy, op. Seriously, as soon as you can start, do so. You need to figure out why you allowed yourself to be abused for so long, and why your sense of self worth is so tragically low. I wouldn't seek out any new relationships until you get a handle on your standards and boundaries.

redlbr · 27/07/2021 18:33

I agree and therapy is something I intend to look into. I'm so ashamed, that I put up with it and that I'm so upset that he's gone. X

Re the house sale- profit will be split (deposit was his and will go back to him, rest will be split 50/50). We have buyers and in process of selling now but he is threatening to stop the sale

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/07/2021 18:37

It doesn't look like it now but this is the best thing that could have happened to you, DO NOT take him back he is abusive and unreliable.
You will be much better off on your own with the kids.
Why did you move out of the home last time? You and the children needed the house not him - he doesn't deserve the house with a gambling habit.
Raise your standards, from now on only decent hard working men no losers.

66babe · 27/07/2021 19:45

Please keep focused on how much happier / safer / content you and your children will be without this wanker

Your children will flourish
Your pain will ease
You deserve so much better 💐

redlbr · 27/07/2021 20:52

Thank you for your replies everyone. It really does help to feel a bit less alone. X

OP posts:
chunderwunder · 27/07/2021 21:34

Don't underestimate how much healing you'll need to do having been involved long term with someone with BPD. It's unusual to come out of that unscathed. Damaged people do damaging things.

I bet you've completely neglected your needs in. favour of trying to meet his. Focus on yourself.

redlbr · 28/07/2021 09:16

Chunderwunder, yes I have put his needs first for a long time now however he doesn't seem to see that at all.

Woke up this morning feeling lost and empty. He's gone back to the old house, my 5 year old is with him as I'm supposed to be working for the next 3 days but I've ended up calling in sick because I can't stop crying. Miss my 5yo more than anything which isn't helping Sad

Feels like a bad dream. X

OP posts:
MrsMaizel · 28/07/2021 09:28

You are in the very early stages of this so your feelings are natural . One day you will realise this is THE best thing to happen to you and you and your children will have a lovely life without the threat that he brings to that hanging over your head all the time . No more chaos, no more gambling , no treating you like crap . You sound like someone who knows what is what and sound like you do have a sense of self preservation . Currently your mind is driven by drama and even addicted to it . It is hard to break from this but you will in time . Think of yourself and your children in everything you do . Do not falter . Do not get back with him . It's very painful but you will get through it . People don't believe this so early on but you will .

redlbr · 28/07/2021 17:43

He turned up midday-ish, grabbed a load more of his things and I said are you going to talk to me at all? He point blank refused, said he doesn't want to speak to me and doesn't want to be with me. Just left me sobbing

Re his BPD - is this splitting?

Anyone have any advice of how on earth I get through this, practically speaking? I just keep breaking down. I want to run to him, the worst part is even if I gave in and did that he would shut the door in my face. :(

OP posts:
redlbr · 28/07/2021 17:45

Just want to say thank you for all your comments too, they do really help. I'm trying really hard to read them and remember them. It's just so hard x

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 28/07/2021 18:16

You fake it til you make it OP. Seriously. Tell yourself you're fine and he can fuck himself and practise that face. Eventually your heart catches up and you'll genuine start to feel stronger, better and genuinely believe that you're better off without him.

Give it a couple of weeks, be kind to yourself and don't bite when he goads you, you'll start to get there.

user16395699 · 28/07/2021 18:21

He is an abuser. It's not "verbal and emotional abuse", it's been domestic abuse. Coercive control. Abuse is about using power and control to break and dominate someone. The specific tactics used (e.g. Verbal nastiness) are secondary. When you get sucked in to labelling specific tactics you miss the bigger picture and don't see that the whole thing is a cycle of abuse.

The whole relationship was abusive, not just the Times he was saying nasty things. The 'good' times were part of the abuse - part of keeping control of you and how he trauma bonded you.

This is the best thing for your children's wellbeing. Look at developmental trauma. This protects them from lifelong damage and suffering that spending a childhood in an abusive home causes.

As to how you get through it...

One thing at a time. Focus on the present not all your worries and emotions and what ifs.

Emotions are temporary, they never last forever. Strong emotions come in waves, so care for yourself. Be kind and compassionate as this soothes your central nervous system.

Do one thing every day for no reason other than because it makes you feel good.

Make a list of things you need to tackle. Prioritise them. (Urgent, must be done, nice to do, one day - dates for anything time critical). There are apps you can use to help.

Do the Freedom Programme course. Inform yourself about why it is critical for the health and brain development of your children never to resume this relationship. Understand the cycle of Abuse for yourself so that you can recover.

Get support. Real people, online people, professional people. Therapy, support lines from DV orgs, Samaritans (they're for anyone in distress, not just suicidal).

Trauma therapy. You will need to explain you have experienced "domestic abuse" - using those words - so you receive the correct referral. Counselling is not safe for someone with trauma (NICE guidelines say as such it you would like to confirm for yourself) as it makes things worse so you have to tell them you're traumatised to make sure you are assessed and referred to the correct therapy.

Distract yourself. Dwelling and ruminating makes you feel worse. Do activities with other, build your social network so you are not isolated, have activities to do at home (even if it's just puzzles or colouring or music).

Use apps like Breathe or Calm to help you learn breathing techniques and other strategies.

Give yourself goals, however small ("this week I want to clear one item from my to do list" or "cook my favourite meal"). Start a notebook and each night write down everything you achieved that day, however small. On tough days, eating a healthy meal or showering are both achievements to give yourself credit for.

Journal. Write down worries to get them out of your head. Write down successes to remember them. Doodle. Confide your feelings in the page.

Ask for help when you need it. Accept help.

Use the words "domestic abuse" when asking for help from services and professionals so that they understand what's happening and can give correct advice. If you don't do this or just name tactics like you did here, then people will misunderstand you and give bad advice. It is important.

Money Advice Service website has lots of good advice on financial matters and budgeting. When things feel overwhelming it can be useful. Money saving expert can be good too.

Citizens Advice website is also a wealth of information on navigating bureaucracy and legal matters. Make use of resources like that. Knowledge is power.

The more you do like this to take control of your life, the better you will feel. Feeling in control of our lives is a really important human need that abuse takes away and creates a feeling of helplessness. Feeling helpless makes you feel hopeless and distressed. Acting helpless stops you making life better.

You are not helpless, but you do have to start acting to prove that to yourself and re-learn how to live a healthy life free from his abuse.

Take control of your life back. It is a very, very positive thing that you and your children now have the opportunity to build a future safe from abuse, even if it doesn't feel positive yet - seize it with both hands.

You can do this.

user16395699 · 28/07/2021 18:29

Oh, and stop trying to talk to him, stop trying to engage with him. Just stop.

It makes you feel worse, it jeopardises your ability to break free from his abuse, and it stops you from being able to move forward. Why would you attempt to invite an abuser back into your and your children's life?

You need to break this cycle of abuse and you need to do it now.

Your energy needs to go into moving forward without him. You are sabotaging yourself by wasting time, energy and focus on him. Please don't. You and your children deserve so much better.

tararabumdeay · 28/07/2021 18:38

Another abusive waster.

Smile as he takes his way off from you. It's not worth it, never has been.

LouHotel · 28/07/2021 18:55

Is the deposit protected. Dont do anything to rock the house sale but make sure your lawyers know to send your half to your account. His debts come out of his half.

Spudina · 28/07/2021 19:17

You have escaped an abuser. His diagnosis is no excuse. Find your anger and use it OP. Stop trying to engage.

redlbr · 29/07/2021 10:51

Wow thank you all for your replies. Helps more than I can put into words. I will keep re reading and try to take into account.

Woke up feeling awful again.

The only way I can describe the pain is like a desperate panic, like something inside me is screaming, an overwhelming feeling of loss and grief and hopelessness (I know this is not logical given the person he is)

Just how can he suddenly be so cold?

Terrified that in 3 months time I will have a newborn to cope with on top of all this.

He has also, without any discussion, pulled out of the house sale with the intentions of staying there (with no job, no money to buy me out and £40k+ of debt).

Sad
OP posts: