He locked me out of the house!

[Sunnyday5]

Partner of 8 years locked me out as I was late home from work. I went in, put my bag down, went back outside to water the plants and he had locked the door. He opened the window and said he knew I'd been cheating on him and that I'd have to apologise to him before he let me...kids were there didn't want to make a scene, didn't have any of my things to go anywhere and was a bit confused - so I apologised (for nothing). I'm not overreacting by thinking this is odd am I?

That is very odd and completely unbacepftable OP.

Is this totally out of the blue? Has he made this type of accusation before? Shown tendencies suxh as disapproving of you wearing makeup /certain clothes?

It's more than odd it's abusive. Are they his kids too?

If by odd you mean crazy, no you aren't overreacting.
What other bonkers ideas and behaviour does your DP have?

Is he having some sort of psychotic episode or is this fairly standard for him?. It's so abusive it's off the scale

Are you the poster who has been locked out several times?

This is weird. But you are going to give us a bit more backstory?

So controlling that you are not allowed to be late without an apology for something that you haven't done and you are so conditioned or powerless in the relationship that you went along with it 🙁. Is this what he is like?

It's abusive and you need to break free of him. You say 'partner' and you have children - vulnerable position. This can't go on, though. What will he do next, I wonder? Lock you out overnight?

@Badhabits1

Are you the poster who has been locked out several times?

I immediately wondered that.

I've never really thought about anything else...i haven't been cheating - not sure where I'd find time or energy for that!! I was late in because I went to the shop. They are his kids. I've not been locked out several times just this once. He has made comments about it before but hasn't done anything. I went back in and just made dinner like it hadn't happened.

@Sunnyday5 - if you want useful advice, you really need to tell us the whole story...

There must be more to this story

The fact you need to even ask if this is odd tells me that a lot more goes on and you've been conditioned to accept this behaviour and question yourself when you know its wrong.
This is abuse, there's no other word for it and you've now "admitted" to cheating when you haven't so I would be worried that his behaviour escalates because of this.
It isn't healthy or safe to stay in a relationship like this and there is support available from various places if you feel ready to access it. Women's aid were invaluable to me when I needed help.

Did you not discuss it with him? Challenge him on his batshit behaviour? Aren't you worried for his mental health if he's behaving so bizarrely?

He's a controlling bully. You need to get him out to keep you and the children safe. He's escalating.

If course its not normal, He is controlling, making false accusations of having an affair is a classic in emotional abuse
IME, the best way to combat it is to leave.
I would say, I went to the shop, (show ticket) to get supper. I was not out shagging. Wind your fucking neck in or I'm gone
Do not wheedle try to explain simple truths, Get Angry.

Sorry OP, there is something wrong with him.

It could be that he is abusive and controlling.
It could be that he is cheating and projecting on to you.
It could be that he is having some sort of crisis.

Do any of these seem likely?

You're actually under reacting , I wonder why that is.
Do you feel safe?

Ok so I may have become more distant recently, he always seems like he doesn't want to be here. He'd much rather be doing his own thing so I stopped doing everything I was doing for him as often and that's when this all started. He was complaining about the food I cooked or that I was late for picking him up from work (I work too and run the children around), he took some money I got for my birthday and said he didn't know why he did it..(loads of little things). I went out the other week and the seats had moved in the car and he checked it to see who I'd had in it (I'd been to the tip!). He calls work to check I'm in and my mum to see if I am there when I take the children to visit. I went to drop a friend's birthday present off the other day and because I was there a couple of hours having a chat he called my mum 5 times to see if she knew where I was. He's now got it in his head I'm cheating...

This is awful.

His behaviour is escalating OP.

I'd be making plans to get myself far, far away from him.

OP this is very much an abusive relationship and you need to separate.

The house: rented? Mortgaged? Whose name is it in? Joint?

That is so far from normal behaviour. I rather think you need to be thinking about leaving him.

@DeadButDelicious

His behaviour is escalating OP.

I'd be making plans to get myself far, far away from him.

Yep. Locking you out is the start of that escalation.

You now have to decide, how much of this is acceptable for your kids to watch. Watching you get locked out would have been distressing for them.

So, he was all fine and dandy when you were doing everything despite him never being there, and now that you've had enough of that lark he's making life difficult for you.

His behaviour is controlling. If you've already had a talk with him then I'd be starting to make plans. If you haven't then talk and see if anything changes. If not, make plans.

Hovever, his long term behaviour is one of neglect so I'd guess he won't change.