He locked me out of the house!

[Sunnyday5]

Partner of 8 years locked me out as I was late home from work. I went in, put my bag down, went back outside to water the plants and he had locked the door. He opened the window and said he knew I'd been cheating on him and that I'd have to apologise to him before he let me...kids were there didn't want to make a scene, didn't have any of my things to go anywhere and was a bit confused - so I apologised (for nothing). I'm not overreacting by thinking this is odd am I?

I think the question is whether he is a garden variety abusive controlling dickhead, or does he have delusional jealousy. If he really does believe you are having an affair, and he has a history of holding you by the neck then he is truly dangerous to you. Get out.

Please contact women’s aid or similar for advice; he sounds dangerous and escalating and you have a resignation in your posts that suggests you’ve stopped seeing just how out of the ordinary and potentially dangerous this is.
You shouldn’t be experiencing this and your DC shouldn’t be witnessing this as a model of how grown up relationships work.

You are possibly in danger from this man and your relationship is hugely abusive.

Him holding you be the throat was life threatening.

You need to go to the police.

I agree with pp. My good friend had a slightly possessive husband who kept track of her in the way you detailed.

She turned up at 3am once after he had got drunk, looked at her phone and accused her of sleeping with one of the names of the people on there. Completely unfounded.
He threw her down the stairs and said he was going to kill her then when she locked herself in an upstairs room he tried to kick the door in.
Luckily he fell asleep on the sofa due to the drink and she ran out. I worry what could have happened.
It went to court and he was found guilty.

@Sunnyday5

I can't stand up to him as previously he pinned me up against the wall by my neck...he didn't hurt me it was just a shock. He was drunk. Never spoken about it. Now all this crazy chasing me up on things. You are all right and I think I've let far too much slip through the cracks and now need to face up to it. Thanks all.

Jesus Christ. Who cares about locking a door… get out. Do it for your children.

I can't stand up to him as previously he pinned me up against the wall by my neck...he didn't hurt me it was just a shock

I can only imagine that you've been abused by this man in various ways for so long that you can't see how absolutely shocking this incident alone is.

Women whose partners wrap their hands around their throat are statistically six or seven times more likely to be murdered by their partner.

You should not be living with this man. The fact you have children means it's vital you leave in order to stop them having to grow up in this environment for even one day longer.

He abuses you. That means they are living in an abusive home.

Even without the physical act of abuse you mentioned, the incident in your first post is so shocking to people with healthy boundaries that they would say you should leave him too. It isn't odd, it's abusive.

There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour, it’s not normal. You might say things to justify or things that he’s good at etc but the base line is that this behaviour is never acceptable. Going from an abusive relationship myself to one where me and my DH talk through anything bothering us, where he’s actually emotionally available and mature enough to treat me as an equal and come to me with anything; no matter how small or stupid, that’s normal and bloody refreshing. No good can outweigh this behaviour.

Are you prepared to leave him?

I hope you're safe and far away from him!

Thanks for all the comments, I appreciate the advice. I have a lot to think about and sort out..