any experience with a partner that doesn't "finish"?

[whiteboatriver]

Both in 40s, known each other as friends for several years, gradually got closer, got together as a couple in the last 3 months, we get on very well, we know each others background, no baggage for either of use with respect to ex, kids, etc.

DTD one or three times a week. Everything good for me, very attentive, but I noticed he'd be OK to keep going, I also noticed no leakage, mess, etc. On Fri, I finally asked if everything is OK, and he said he could not finish.

I'm away, but we'll meet up again on Wed, and wanted to carry on that discussion.

Any experience with something like that?

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@Shellady
Thanks for the response,

As this a thread about about a male sexual disfunction which I have had personal experience of, I thought I could help, but as you seem be determined to take offence at every single comment, I wont bother anymore[/quote]
@JustAnotherOldMan
More than happy to leave it there
Yes it is a thread in male sexual dysfunction yet you seem to be telling us all about your expertise on women’s sexual function - and how women work . Especially telling us all how lucky women are Something I notice you have a habit of in other threads

Yep, I’d say half the time he doesn’t finish. I do believe it’s psychological for him - the first time he did not, the next morning it was lovely and intimate and he did and it’s either he does or he does not now. We are very used to this. He finished himself off sometimes but sometimes he even struggles doing this.

Very damaging to my self esteem and upsetting at times but at the same time I’ve no doubt he fancies me and I try not to take it too personally. He very rarely loses an erection (unless he’s had a drink or gets too hot!) and can stay hard for as long as hours.

Despite this he is not bad in bed, I don’t think either of us are. I’ve noticed lately that telling him to have a break helps, even for five or ten minutes we will cuddle up and talk and have a bit of a tease and then he’s usually raring to go again and will orgasm quite soon after that! I think it takes the pressure off a little.

My last partner literally did not last more than ten seconds, very rare it was anything over that which was a kill joy as it meant I could not just get on top and have my way with it i so desperately craved over the years! I much prefer my current situation to that!

@JustAnotherOldMan men can have short refractory periods too. My partner can have 3 orgasms in a couple of hours.

And women's clitoris is too sensitive after having an orgasm (or at least mine is) so need to take time before going again. Also for me at least, my brain changes after having had an orgasm and wouldn't be mentally ready to go again immediately. Need the whole build up again.

@stealingbeauty

Yes, I have had this experience with an ex. Turned out he was taking a very high dose of an SSRI and he said that was the cause. I accepted this as the truth as it’s something I’d heard of before. We still had a good sex life despite this.

This can definitely be true, it's a noted side effect of certain anti-depressants (interestingly it's listed as a side effect for men, but no mention of the effect on women - but a few years back when I was prescribed the same anti-d for a few months as my DH is on longterm, I lost the ability to orgasm while I was taking it).

Primary anorgasmia is something I find hard to understand, and would not believed it until my step sis had confided that to me a few years ago. She is pretty, smart, educated, but it always ends up being an issue in longer term relationships for her. Her partners end up wanting to get the issue resolved.

In recent months I know she went to her GP, was has some follow up, but not sure of the status since we've not had a good chat in almost 18 months.

Certainly no coke use, or SSRI in her case, so don't know the root cause.

@SeptemberGurl
She is pretty, smart, educated
How is this remotely relevant to her ability to orgasm?!

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation, nothing at all that I'm aware of. You've misinterpreted my post (which could have been clearer?).

Basically, I think she has a lot of the attributes for being a great partner, but it has led to serious longer relationship issues.

#whiteboatriver

My DP of 7 years rarely orgasms. Yes it's very unusual but for some men it is their normal. He's been like this since a teen apparently He's hard, stays hard, loves sex especially blow jobs, it rarely ends in orgasm now. Used to be a bit more frequent but almost gone now. Would say 1 in 10 BJs resulted in orgasm, now it's none.

We've talked about it over the years, he gets the urge to come but the more he chases it and focuses on it, the more it slips away and he gets annoyed then loses erection. If it doesn't chase it, erection stays but no finish.

He's getting older and the urge is less. Was a regular porn user when younger but that didn't make he come either. He would enjoy stimulating himself but rarely finished even on his own with no pressure. No health issues, no medication, just the way he's wired.

Our sex life is still good, was great but working too much and covid has dented it for now. Yes it was confusing for him and me but once he had convinced me it was nothing to do with me and was just his normal, we just got on with it and I accept it's how it is. I feel like it's such a shame for him but if he accepts it then why wouldn't I.

This is probably just who he is. Be sensitive if you talk to him as my DP knew it was a relationship breaker and had been dumped for it previously and was worried I would judge him as lacking. We are good at talking about sex. The upside for me is that I now come in PIV as the focus is on my orgasm.

I think @wantmorenow has a very good point about being sensitive and careful in the discussion topic. I was out for drinks with a few friends on Monday, and mentioned this topic (after a few!).

Everyone had experience not finishing (both themselves and partners) from time to time for a variety of reasons. It's been my experience too. But much more common than I would have expected really.

None of them ever met/knew someone who NEVER. So it might be a very sensitive subject for women, but for men too.

I've not had a lot of partners, but every single one of them has finished (not every time, but I'd say 95+% of the time at least).

Sex is a topic I've often discussed with close female friends at different times over years. I've personally never know someone who's stated they never had an orgasm.

It's clear: first question would be to clarify if it really is never (nobody I've ever known has said that), or just not at the moment (not uncommon for many of the reasons mentioned above).

To clarify, I've just re-read and see the partner is male (not female), but same question applies!

@JustAnotherOldMan

Men and women have different bodies, it is trickier for a woman.

And in someways better I think , you don’t have the refractory period to deal with so can have multiple orgasms in a way that is impossible for men.

In theory, yes But...

@Shellady

Many women struggle to have one orgasm during sex.it’s estimated women orgasm between 46-50 percent of the time , let alone multiple which many women have never experienced - so I’m not sure why that makes us luckier . It’s definately trickier

I've not had many sexual partners, but I've only had one who couldn't seem to orgasm multiple times (and I think she had some 'issues', or just didn't like sex at all). Most seem to climax within 5 minutes of foreplay. Maybe I'm just good at giving, or picking women who climax easily, or maybe they've all ben faking it? Don't know why they would fake it multiple times though.

Anyway, I'm a man who suffers delayed ejaculation, and I know it upsets my partner a bit - she thinks it's her fault that I don't climax, or that I take a very long time to get there. Sometimes we have sex for ages before I get there, other times we both give up, exhausted from trying. I think it's mostly psychological for me, but I really don't know what's behind it. It never used to be a problem, but has slowly become more of an issue since my mid 30's (early 40's now).

I do have a couple of theories (which may or may not be of any significance for the OP). Firstly 'death grip' does not exist, at least not in the physical sense. If they've been wanking loads recently, then yes, that might make it harder during sex with a partner, but that's no different to if they'd just been having lots of sex too. To be a physical sensation thing, it would have to have been very recently, like right before your sex session started.

I have noticed that, that when I give my partner extended foreplay (which we both enjoy), that seems to make me take longer when we get to the main act. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe that my arousal has waned a bit after I've got so excited during the lengthy foreplay. It may be because the more foreplay we partake in, the wetter my partner gets, and when things are so wet there is zero friction from PiV, so the sensation (for me at least) is reduced to minimal or non existent. This may also be because my partner is rather loose (or perhaps I'm just not big enough for her), so the physical sensation of PiV is rather minimal for me, this is definitely more so than with previous partners, so it does seem to be an anatomical thing.

My partner is rather rough when she gives me a handjob during foreplay, and I think this does reduce cause a temporary loss in sensitivity - this is similar to what people on here keep calling 'death grip', but I think it only applies because it's immediately before PiV. She also likes PiV rather hard and fast right from the start, whereas I'm more used to building up from a slow start, so again, that might stifle the sensations further on.

One thing that really makes it worse is that when it's taking a long time, it puts pressure on me to hurry up, especially if I think my ex is starting to get fed up (understandable). It's unavoidable, but that just seems to make things even worse - the issue seems to become self perpetuating. I do think stopping for a break would help, but I also know that my partner probably wouldn't want to carry on again afterwards.

I don't know if the OP can relate to any of that, but it might be some food for thought?

After some more thought, since people have been kind to share their thoughts I decided to post an update. I've had to do some thinking and reflection on my side, and I'm still not sure of how things will go.

• He said he has never finished, ever. Honestly, I'm very surprised but believe him. In the past he's had some medicals, investigation, proposed treatment, but he never followed through. No medication/drugs issue (but I almost knew that for certain anyway in advance). That's just the way it is he said.

• We are firstly friends, and in retrospect. I see the benefits arose mostly from my initiation. He is kind, considerate, attentive and knows what he is doing IYSWIM :)

• We're both independent, and neither of us are feeling any pressure or desire to move forward the relationship.

• For some reason I'm still very bothered by it. I still don't know why really. Maybe it's like anything I ever do won't work? I can imagine the same situation in a LTR relationship for a man, if his female partner never had an orgasm. For me, it just seems something is missing.

• It did become a major issue in the relationship with his ex-wife (who I know a little). Interestingly, they only have great things to say about each other.

I've decided I won't try deepen or develop the relationship. I've stopped the benefits part of it, because it would mean me stopping meeting another more compatible partner.

I think/hope we can remain good friends. Fingers crossed!