any experience with a partner that doesn't "finish"?

[whiteboatriver]

Both in 40s, known each other as friends for several years, gradually got closer, got together as a couple in the last 3 months, we get on very well, we know each others background, no baggage for either of use with respect to ex, kids, etc.

DTD one or three times a week. Everything good for me, very attentive, but I noticed he'd be OK to keep going, I also noticed no leakage, mess, etc. On Fri, I finally asked if everything is OK, and he said he could not finish.

I'm away, but we'll meet up again on Wed, and wanted to carry on that discussion.

Any experience with something like that?

Maybe I'd wonder if there is something about me, that I wasn't good enough, if my partner never came?

Same for the male side, it's a reflection on the man being a poor lover if his partner never comes.

It's not likely an issue for short term hook ups, but if my partner never comes, then I'd really not like it, even if I enjoyed the sex, regardless of the cause

I'd have assumed that we all found out how those things work as teenagers. In my day pre-internet reading, talking with friends, and basically trying things.

If that the case for 100% females, it must be the same for men. I should ask DH :)

Maybe everything was OK for him, and this could be a recent problem. Could you ask his ex-wife

I think I'd find it a bit off putting that all focus was on my orgasm? Possibly that's some women's idea of heaven but I think I'd feel a bit pressured and conscious that he wasn't chasing his own climax.

OP, I don’t have experience of what you are saying directly, but rather in an inverse situation. I’ve been with partners where I was not satisfied. One case was size related, an other few were basically the partner being lazy and selfish.

I don’t mean to be confrontational, but it’s always good to try look at oneself too. Do you look after him, are you an active participant or just lying there letting him do the work. Just like there are men that are bad in bed, I’d assume that there are women too that are bad in bed.

Didn’t mean to offend you, but if you’re not very experienced or proactive , that could a factor. It’s a two way thing. Good luck!!

Yes, 3 months and he never did...weird.

@TheFutureIsUncertain, so basically you’re asking if I’m crap in bed I do understand your question. I’ve had a few long term relationships, and like with other things in life I always put in some effort. I’ve done my research. I think I know what I’m doing, I can’t be certain but I don’t think it’s me.

Yep. 5 year relationship with my ex (who I was also friends with previously) and he never came once, and we had a LOT of sex. He said he'd "trained his mind" to not let him after once coming and accidentally urinating on someone at the same time 30+ years ago

Although i suspect his being an overweight, heavy drinking, porn addled, death grip suffering nob might also have something to do with it. Also strongly suspect undiagnosed bipolar, he waseither up or down (oh, and never up after necking 5 pints ;) ...)

@TwoBrownSugars
I wonder why that is not discussed more, it seems a huge issue
Because every time you mention it, people take it as a challenge 🙄
I will never forget my then husband saying he would "sort her out" after I told him my BFF had never had an orgasm

I can't orgasm without very long lasting oral (at least 20 mins, which is a long time to ask someone to spend in one position) OR a decent vibrator. I have burned out the motors of 5 vibrators throughout the years, and I've only been using them 15 years!

OP does he finish if you stop piv and give him oral or encourage him to finish himself off? Apols if you've already answered

@ItsDifferentFor

There is a hint of double standards on this topic too.

Imagine the case of a woman who doesn't orgasm? Not sure people would be suggesting that she's on coke, SSRI, or having quick wank before meeting up.

You clearly don’t have a good understanding of biology and that fact that whilst it’s usual for men to reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone only one in three women will The fact is that it’s MUCH more difficult for women to reach orgasm through sex than it is for a man No double standards whatsoever Perhaps the only double standard is a comment like yours that expects women’s bodies to be like men’s

@kurtney

Yes. He admitted to watching shit loads of porn and also had a wank about 5 times a day so it was death grip.

In the end it made me feel like shit. I don't care if it's double standards. I left.

Good for you The only one here with the double standards was hun . Thinking he could binge all that porn leave you wanting and you should be satisfied My gif when will men ever realise what pathetic lovers porn turns them into OP not saying this is the case with your guy but I’d be cautious

Very sexually experienced female here.

My Ex, who I was with for 15 years, couldn't ejaculate unless by his own hand. Oral, PIV, my hand, useless.

I found out that he had only ever reached orgasm by his own hand. He had been to a Doctor and was advised that as he could do it himself, quite easily and quickly, it was psychological. He was a T1Diabetic too, but that was ruled out as the cause.

To be honest, it did affect me massively. I lost all confidence and felt like nothing that I did was good enough. If I made the moves, or tried to go on top, he went soft. In fact, the only time he did want sex was when I was sick, or didn't want it. Then he would insist, but still wouldn't climax.

We went for relationship counselling about 5 years in. The Counsellor told me it was all about control and not wanting to give me power over him.

We did have children. He would do it himself and stick it in last second. Pleasant.

Honestly, I never felt less attractive or sexual in any other relationship. For me sex is intimacy, part of intimacy is being vulnerable. It doesn't work if only one person is being vulnerable really.

@whiteboatriver
Have a read about delayed Ejaculation, I’ve had it from time to time, more as I get older, for some men it’s lifelong

www.healthline.com/health/delayed-ejaculation?c=1426664967405

It's very strange that you did not notice OP. Was he faking? I'll admit I did that in the past. With one ex I'd do that, that would make him finish, which in turn would make. I know I can fake it, but I'm fairly certain a man with me have never done so (but then again I just might not know).

That stat of 10% of women never having an orgasm is astounding. I wonder what happens in those relationships?

I'd have assumed we'd all have figured out the mechanics of that younger. At least any that was the case for me, and the handful I've spoken to about such things, including males.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation, wow that's a good bit of work for your DP, but al least you know what you need/like. I'm also not like most of MN that come at the drop of a hat.

I wonder if he could be taking viagra, could that have an impact? He'd be physically ready, but maybe not mentally?

[quote bellmyring]@EvenMoreFuriousVexation, wow that's a good bit of work for your DP, but al least you know what you need/like. I'm also not like most of MN that come at the drop of a hat.

I wonder if he could be taking viagra, could that have an impact? He'd be physically ready, but maybe not mentally?[/quote]
No, Sildenafil doesn’t work like that, without arousal all you will get is the dilation of the lungs, you need arousal to get the side effects ( the erection is the main side effect)

@ItsDifferentFor

There is a hint of double standards on this topic too.

Imagine the case of a woman who doesn't orgasm? Not sure people would be suggesting that she's on coke, SSRI, or having quick wank before meeting up.

Oh for god sake, does everything have to be turned into “poor menz, we’re so mean to them”? Men and women have different bodies, it is trickier for a woman.

Men and women have different bodies, it is trickier for a woman.

And in someways better I think , you don’t have the refractory period to deal with so can have multiple orgasms in a way that is impossible for men.

@JustAnotherOldMan

Men and women have different bodies, it is trickier for a woman.

And in someways better I think , you don’t have the refractory period to deal with so can have multiple orgasms in a way that is impossible for men.

‘Can’ certainly doesn’t mean ‘do’ I’d say this is the exception rather than the norm and many women don’t orgasm at all during intercourse

Many women struggle to have one orgasm during sex.it’s estimated women orgasm between 46-50 percent of the time , let alone multiple which many women have never experienced - so I’m not sure why that makes us luckier . It’s definately trickier

@Shellady

Many women struggle to have one orgasm during sex.it’s estimated women orgasm between 46-50 percent of the time , let alone multiple which many women have never experienced - so I’m not sure why that makes us luckier . It’s definately trickier

my previous partner could have 2/3/4 orgasms in one session, whereas I had 1.

Yes I accept that many struggle to have one orgasm during sex, but you do have the ability

Yes like I said , it’s not impossible but certainly not the norm .
Your anecdote about one woman is really irrelevant , and only reiterates ‘ ‘ some women CAN’ even though most DONT and many don’t even have ONE so let’s not be misleading and call women luckier. I think the only people who believe that the majority of women are luckier would be people who watch too much porn

And ftr I’ve know two men who have been able to orgasm twice during sex … so seems some of them can too

@JustAnotherOldMan

‘Yes I accept that many struggle to have one orgasm during sex, but you do have the ability’

You really need to NOT come on here abd tell women what ‘ abilities ‘ they have or how their bodies work sexually

Many women do NOT have the ability to orgasm during sex
Many women do not have the ability to have multiple orgasms

Women are not one monolithic sexual being represented by the porn one sees !

So annoying when men tell women what sexual abilities ‘women have ‘ and how lucky we are !

@Shellady
Thanks for the response,

As this a thread about about a male sexual disfunction which I have had personal experience of, I thought I could help, but as you seem be determined to take offence at every single comment, I wont bother anymore