Husband checking out girls

[Bambam72]

I've been married for 20 years, my DH and myself were on holiday in a restaurant when the waitress ( in her early twenties) to take our order, she then bent over to open a window and my husband stared at her behind for too long, he has always had an eye for the ladies( he checks them out all the time but denies it) but this has me really upset, I am a reasonal good looking woman and not overweight, I feel this behaviour will only get worse as I get older, we are in separate beds and I asked him to leave.as I've had enough of everything at the moment, i feel really anxious when i am about him now, ps we also have a daughter at this waitresses age and this has made it worse, any help would be appreciated

A few things here, why are you already in separate beds anyway? Could you also be perimenopausal, which is known to increase anxiety states? Has he always been a bit like this, or is this a recent escalation in behaviour?

Well, he's a fucking creep isn't he.

Does he realise that women, not girls don't actually like to be stared at and she was innocently opening a window. Jeez, some poor women can't catch a break! She was just doing her job she didn't want some creepy old perv eyeing her up.

You're insecure about it (understandably) and if he still acts like a creep he isn't going to change.

I am a reasonal good looking woman and not overweight

Also, just because someone is overweight doesn't mean they're ugly.

If you're in separate beds it's not just because he eyed a waitress up. Sounds like the marriage is already over.

How can we help?
I believe all men look at women, but decent ones try not to and men who want other people to think well of them cover it well. Or save it for when their partners aren't around.
I'm glad you're not overweight. That allows you to feel superior to any woman who is. It doesn't endear you to a reader, but it gives you obvious satisfaction so it has some value.
Your husband looks at women his daughter's age. That's a bit creepy.
You've asked him to leave. Has he gone? Is he staying 'gone'? Or are you just making a point?
You have to decide whether you can live with a sleazy old git (who has a lot in common with other men his age) or not.

@DoingItMyself

How can we help? I believe all men look at women, but decent ones try not to and men who want other people to think well of them cover it well. Or save it for when their partners aren't around. I'm glad you're not overweight. That allows you to feel superior to any woman who is. It doesn't endear you to a reader, but it gives you obvious satisfaction so it has some value. Your husband looks at women his daughter's age. That's a bit creepy. You've asked him to leave. Has he gone? Is he staying 'gone'? Or are you just making a point? You have to decide whether you can live with a sleazy old git (who has a lot in common with other men his age) or not.

Agree

Ok, so he's always been a bit like this, and you've always known, but that didn't put you off at the time, so it comes down to why it's putting you off now? I can see how the age gap would add to concern. If you are no longer intimate as a couple, that could also increase it - and if you're not intimate anymore, why stay together anyway?

You asked him to leave because he looked at a waitresses butt?

You’re husband sounds creepy
Unfortunately there’s quite a few posts on here atm about entitled pricks who think they are entitled to drool over women half their age , making both the women they do this too and their partners feel uncomfortable
And yea I echo what others say, you not being overweight has no bearing on anything . Many overweight women are very attractive and also your husband should respect you regardless of your weight , age and appearance
Were you in seperate beds prior to this and what was the reason . What does he say about his leering?
Most importantly, Do you feel you deserve better ?

PPs picking apart the overweight comment are being disingenuous.

You think the DH checks out ugly fat women? No.

He checks out young, good looking, slim women. She's saying she's 2 out of 3 and still doesn't feel good enough.

*ugly OR fat women

It does sound creepy if he’s staring at women the age of his daughter, and if he’s doing it openly it could make the waitress feel really uncomfortable.

However, it also sounds like this relationship is totally dead. I hope you can move on and maybe find a better relationship in the future.

@Sparklfairy

PPs picking apart the overweight comment are being disingenuous.

You think the DH checks out ugly fat women? No.

He checks out young, good looking, slim women. She's saying she's 2 out of 3 and still doesn't feel good enough.

Not at all. Literally what she said.

Why are you in separate beds?

DH and I have separate rooms, but we’re still very much a couple, we just sleep better alone. He visits me for other things…

I'm not defending him but can you not just explain to him you don't like it.

It's not about you so please try not to get anxious about it. Although I understand it must be hard.

And even if they are overweight & ugly, doesn't mean they should command less respect and love.

Snotty comment.

Love the casual overweight reference OP. So, as you're not overweight, that=gorgeous and if you were overweight, that would=gross? Do you realise how triggering, hurtful and smug that comes across? Yes, it all relates to bodyweight, doesn't it.

Your husband was vile but doing that seems to be innate in most men. Your weight has fuck all to do with it and speaks volumes about how you view other women.

@Sparklfairy

PPs picking apart the overweight comment are being disingenuous.

You think the DH checks out ugly fat women? No.

He checks out young, good looking, slim women. She's saying she's 2 out of 3 and still doesn't feel good enough.

That’s not the point . The point is that her body shape and size is irrelevant Men who behave like this do it regardless of their partner because their partners bodes are not the cause, their sense of entitlement is !

@Sparklfairy
Do you believe if a woman’s is ugly she deserves and should tolerate her partner behaving like this?

@Shellady well you and I know that. But OPs self esteem sounds like its taking a beating from this so we could cut her some slack for thinking like this.

This should be called 'Husband checking out women'. A 20-something year old is a woman not a girl. Your inappropriate title makes him sound like a paedophile.

I knew it wouldn't be long before the weight thing started.

[quote Shellady]@Sparklfairy
Do you believe if a woman’s is ugly she deserves and should tolerate her partner behaving like this?[/quote]
Of course not. The damaging effect of behaviour like this on their partners is that they turn the blame of the behaviour onto themselves. Shes simply wondering on an anonymous forum "why is he treating me like this even though i apparently fit his ideal of a woman worth checking out"

"That’s not the point .
The point is that her body shape and size is irrelevant
Men who behave like this do it regardless of their partner because their partners bodes are not the cause, their sense of entitlement is !"

100% this.
I have friends who eat barely anything and kill themselves at the gym to stay slim, have sex when they don't want to and pay hundreds of £ for beauty treatments all to attempt to stop their husband from straying.
And guess what, it makes no difference and the husband still does it. And the ladies are miserable trying to uphold this impossible standard.

I’m fat and ugly. My DP doesn’t prev on other women. Do I win?