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Original poster

Is he just being polite or is he interested?

73 replies

Sarz1991 · 23/07/2021 00:16

So I just had a first date tonight and it went brilliantly other than the fact that I am still left wondering whether he fancies me or not.

He did make a fair bit of eye contact and I definitely (think!) caught him checking me out at the corner of his eye a few times while we were going for a stroll.

But no compliments which always me think a guy might not be interested. So anyways at the end of the date (he was going to offer to get coffee at the cafe at the end of our walk but it was closed so we couldn't) after chatting for a few minutes at our cars, I said I had a lovely time, he said something nice which I can't remember, probably echoing what I said, gave me a really sweet hug and said "we'll keep in touch, enjoy your weekend ".

Not long after i came home still feeling confused, he sent me a text saying "Thanks for the nice walk. Have a safe trip home. Talk soon night!!" So this has left me more confused? So what do ye think? Just being polite or is interested?

OP posts:
ohthatbloodycat · 23/07/2021 00:21

Seasoned dater here, and to me it reads like politeness. Sorry!
Can understand your confusion though; why the 'speak soon' if he had no intention of doing so?!
What I'd do, is send a message asking him if he'd like to meet up again. Then you'll know one way or the other.

Mermaidwaves · 23/07/2021 00:27

I would say he's being politely vague, hes leaving the door open but has not asked you out again which I would expect if he definitely wanted to see you again. Being realistic I would expect a slow fade here but I hope I'm wrong!

MerylSqueak · 23/07/2021 00:30

Isn't he just seeing if you're interested?

MrsGarethSouthgate · 23/07/2021 00:31

You need to ask him if he’d like to meet up again, to get an answer. Otherwise it’s too vague.

Spartak · 23/07/2021 00:33

What kind of compliments were you expecting? Did you compliment him?

Fromablokespoint · 23/07/2021 13:47

How about sending HIM a message - "enjoyed that, want to do it again?"

Bridezillamaybe · 23/07/2021 13:52

I think it looks fairly promising, he might be trying to gauge your reaction. I'd respond that you had a lovely time and see if he intiates the next date.

WatieKatie · 23/07/2021 13:59

Did you reply to his message? Maybe he feels confused too?

Pixissmoke · 23/07/2021 14:05

Why are you concerned over whether he's interested in you or not? You've only had one date and you don't even know him yet. I've noticed that a lot of women seem to think that the hallmark of a successful date is if the guy likes them. Sorry if this sounds harsh but your focus should be on whether you like HIM and would be willing to give him the time of day for a second date if he asks.

Original poster
Sarz1991 · 23/07/2021 15:08

Thanks for all your messages! Oh I just replied "I am just home there now, enjoy the rest of your night!😊" and now I think that will put him off! But the way I see it, if he's interested he will message me!

OP posts:
Shurl · 23/07/2021 15:22

@Sarz1991

Thanks for all your messages! Oh I just replied "I am just home there now, enjoy the rest of your night!😊" and now I think that will put him off! But the way I see it, if he's interested he will message me!
And he also might be thinking that if you like him, you'll suggest meeting up with him

Guys can be shy/unsure too you know. I really don't understand the angst with making it clear or not that you like someone. If they don't, it scares them off and you can move onto the next without months of angst. If they do, great, you know where you stand

loobylou10 · 23/07/2021 15:25

Your message doesn't sound like you're interested so that might stop him asking. Why wait for him? Just ask!!

MistyFrequencies · 23/07/2021 15:30

I'd say he's being polite, sorry.
In my experience if they want to see you again, they'll ask.

RevolvingPivot · 23/07/2021 15:33

I think you've acted exactly how he has.

LtDansleg · 23/07/2021 15:37

@Pixissmoke

Why are you concerned over whether he's interested in you or not? You've only had one date and you don't even know him yet. I've noticed that a lot of women seem to think that the hallmark of a successful date is if the guy likes them. Sorry if this sounds harsh but your focus should be on whether you like HIM and would be willing to give him the time of day for a second date if he asks.
It’s pretty obvious that the op like him and wants a second date, that’s what issue is, she doesn’t know if he wants one. Op I think you should avoid the handwringing and go straight for ‘do you want a second date’?
layladomino · 23/07/2021 16:09

Please don't fall for the old 'men should ask for the date' 'men should do the running' 'if he liked me he'd call first'.... this is 2021. You have 50% of the responsibility to move this forward. You aren't some sappy herione waiting for her prince to come and rescue her. If you're interested in him then show him that. You'll soon know if he's interested or not. Win win. IME decent people respect other people being honest and straightforward. If he runs a mile just because you show you're interested then you're better off without him.

JustAnotherOldMan · 23/07/2021 16:53

Each person is trying to out polite each other, bit like Buridan’s Donkey for dating (sort of 😵‍💫), paralysed by indecision

Just ask him out

Rozziie · 23/07/2021 17:02

Lots of people say 'if he's interested, he'll ask' but I have experienced countless men being too afraid to ask me out again because they're not sure if I like them or not.

I honestly think an unintended consequence of all the 'me too' stuff, while on the whole a positive movement', is that it's made it even harder now to date. The men who scoff at 'me too' and think it's all bullshit are the ones who will still harass women, and the nice respectful men are now even more cautious than before about giving women possibly unwanted attention. The times I've bit the bullet and asked the man out, I've always had a quick yes, and a 'I didn't think you were interested and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable so I left it to you'.

So basically, it's backfired.

66babe · 23/07/2021 17:10

If you want to see him again .. just tell him
Message him tomorrow maybe and say

" Fancy lunch / coffee / that cake we never got / "

See how he replies , if you are not that bothered them leave it
It's 2021 .. he's not a mind reader either ?

Original poster
Sarz1991 · 23/07/2021 22:52

OK again thanks for all your answers! I feel annoyed by my response tbh because it was even more vague than his. However there are people telling me things like "if he really is interested he will text you next and arrange a date" bla bla. However my friend's friend knows him since her childhood and she says he's a lovely guy but that he doesn't like to show his emotions and it's like trying to get blood out of a stone with him! So he hasn't text today so I'm going to leave it until tomorrow and see of he initiates contact. I suppose I just don't like the fear of getting rejected, and he is really handsome and I'm not bragging at all but I would be considered an attractive girl, so I keep thinking that I'm just good looking enough for guys that I really fancy. And I've gone through a not so nice 8 year relationship where I never truly fancied him and I just don't want to go through that again. I just need a confidence boost and that's why I'm afraid to say I enjoyed the dare too, we should do it again in case he tells me he doesn't want to. I also loved his personality too don't get me wrong, he would be my ideal man tbh. Also just to clarify I am not getting obsessive, I would love for someone to fancy me whom I fancy too. I am just so new to this dating and I listen to much to what other people say too. So will I wait till tomorrow night to add I liked the date or just leave it if he doesn't contact me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarz1991 · 23/07/2021 22:53

That should say NOT good looking enough!

OP posts:
Newjobcrap · 23/07/2021 23:21

Yeah I think he’d have been in touch today if he were that keen. Forget about him and find other men to date! He sounds emotionally stunted anyway.

Baileysandcream · 23/07/2021 23:27

@Sarz1991

That should say NOT good looking enough!
He obviously found you attractive enough to want to go on a date with !! Don't put yourself down.

What's the worst thing that will happen if you drop him a text and ask him if he'd like another chance to have that coffee??

LtDansleg · 24/07/2021 08:57

@Newjobcrap

Yeah I think he’d have been in touch today if he were that keen. Forget about him and find other men to date! He sounds emotionally stunted anyway.
He may be thinking the same about her? Why’s it always on the man to chase? Do you consider the op emotionally stunted because she won’t say how she feels either?
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 24/07/2021 09:08

OP it sounds like you may have an anxious attachment style. With your friend of a friend describing him as pretty emotionally avoidant, this doesn't sound like a good match.