Is he just being polite or is he interested?

[Sarz1991]

So I just had a first date tonight and it went brilliantly other than the fact that I am still left wondering whether he fancies me or not.

He did make a fair bit of eye contact and I definitely (think!) caught him checking me out at the corner of his eye a few times while we were going for a stroll.

But no compliments which always me think a guy might not be interested. So anyways at the end of the date (he was going to offer to get coffee at the cafe at the end of our walk but it was closed so we couldn't) after chatting for a few minutes at our cars, I said I had a lovely time, he said something nice which I can't remember, probably echoing what I said, gave me a really sweet hug and said "we'll keep in touch, enjoy your weekend ".

Not long after i came home still feeling confused, he sent me a text saying "Thanks for the nice walk. Have a safe trip home. Talk soon night!!" So this has left me more confused? So what do ye think? Just being polite or is interested?

'spreading fertiliser'

'enjoy the rest of your weekend' basically sounds like ending a text chat and signing off for the weekend, so I don't think he will be up for contacting you tomorrow or want you to either. Just leave it now, if you are online dating, it would be reasonable to keep your options open at this point, as either he's backwards in coming forwards, or not very interested. Don't put all your eggs in his basket and hang waiting for contact that might not happen, because that could lead to disappointment.

In the past I’ve found it hard to hit the right note in these situations. You might internally be thinking OMG this woman is amazing. You have a lot of nerves and excited thoughts in your head. But you can’t blurt anything too cringe / gushy / creepy out or she’ll run a mile. I think you just give it some time and assume good intent but poor communication for a while, say 3/4 dates then see where you stand.

I think you see what next week brings. If it is not positive, at least you know that it is not due to your mixed messages now.

@Sarz1991 I'd leave it for now.
He's said he is busy this week and won't be free until next weekend as you say he wrote in a text back to you " .... it looks like next weekend I can meet you.... sorry about that."

If he's interested he'll get in touch. You've left the ball in his court. No more contact - you don't want to appear needy.
If it's to be it will be.

I can't help thinking that he wouldn't be banging on about fertiliser if he was hoping to give off sexy potential boyfriend vibes... I also think that he might have tried to make specific plans for next weekend rather than just going "I'm busy, soz" if he was really interested.

@Sarz1991 you had a similar thread on here before where you were confused about the interaction and worried that if he wasn't interested it was your fault.

Focus on what he's doing and put it into perspective. You've had one date and possibly could have another. You've asked for a second and he's busy, he's not attempted to arrange the second date after you asked. He's also ended the last conversation you had. At this stage, I wouldn't say he's keen.

You'll get people here telling you you're playing games by not continuously asking him for dates and initiating contact every time you feel like it. I wouldn't be putting my cards on the table for a stranger.

1. He might not be interested.
2. If he is, he may not respond well to someone coming on strong and never giving him the chance to arrange anything.

If he is interested he will contact you and arrange this second date that you've suggested. It's up to him to do that. If you don't hear from him or you do and he's not forthcoming in arranging to see you, don't give him another thought. Don't second guess yourself for not sending him over eager texts.

I wouldn't say anything else now either. You've done well. Now just get on and perhaps he'll be in touch.

If a guy is interested ( even if shy) they will contact you to arrange a second date. You set the tone for dating by now reaching out first. You’ll never know if he’s really bothered or just lazy dating because you’re making all the effort.
Yes, dating should be 50/50 when you are certain you like each other. I’m certainly not a 1950s housewife by the way, I just like to avoid anxiousness like this (op still isn’t sure how he feels and still hasn’t had a concrete date arranged, so another week of wondering)
I dated a lot! The ones who liked me always set up the next date soon after the first date. The ones who didn’t like me didn’t. I did do the texting first with one guy and the whole relationship I always had to text him (as I’d set the expectation that’s what would happen) it was very angst ridden. He never took any initiative to organise dates etc
If someone hadn’t text soon after the date, I always started dating other people.
I’ve seen one thread in about 30 where reaching out to a guy actually worked, the rest the women felt anxious and a bit upset when the guy ended up saying thanks but no thanks. Why do it to yourself !

Anyway, it’s done now, just leave it to him now !

Have you heard from him again? Since yesterday morning?

Texting "have a good weekend" was basically him saying he won't be in touch all day and night sat and the same today.

Things may be different now with OLD but when I've met anyone we text every day.

You have instigated contact, that alone shows yours interest, and time will tell if he is on the same wavelength. In the meantime, carry on swiping, go on dates, flirt and chat. Just have fun with it and but try not to get too invested after one date.

thanks, blue interesting to hear the male perspective, looking back it's often the case! But how long wuld leave after the ast contact to text again - too long and she would be annoyed / may thikn yo uare not rght for her. I'd say a day or two max.

sorry fr the missing letters!

Any response op?

I might be socially awkward and find it hard to tell someone I liked them but I've never had a problem asking to see someone for another date straightaway

I always see on Mumsnet women trying to read what a man has done on a date, and bizarrely responding by being overly breezy and appearing utterly disinterested. I wonder how many guys end up leaving it with a woman who actually does like them, but has played it a bit too cool and ended up seeming like they don't like him.

@Bumblecattabbybee

I always see on Mumsnet women trying to read what a man has done on a date, and bizarrely responding by being overly breezy and appearing utterly disinterested. I wonder how many guys end up leaving it with a woman who actually does like them, but has played it a bit too cool and ended up seeming like they don't like him.

None!

On the other hand, if we do show an interest, we're accused of "coming on too strong", being "needy" and of "scaring him away" so it seems like there's no acceptable way for us to behave if we want a second date...

Hi guys I just said I would up date ye!!

He text me today but unfortunately he did not want to chance another date. It was a very friendly but strange message stating that he had been on 3 dates with a girl before me and didn't want to mess the 2 of us about. But he enjoyed the date and hoped that we could remain friends, and then ended it with wishing me the best of luck. So of course I replied with a short but sweet message and wished him well too. Obviously I did not make reference to the friends bit as I thought that odd to mention as we did not know each other before the date. But anyway I have learned a lot from ye and others about the signs that a person is really interested in pursuing someone and thankfully I am going on a second date with a guy tomorrow. However I do not fancy him as much as the guy above but I am definitely willing to give it a second try. Which unfortunately does make me feel insecure that the other guy did not even want to chance a second date with me! I will be honest and say I was the ugly duckling growing up then I lost a lot of weight and became a good looking girl as plenty of people describe be as. But unfortunately I settled into a safe 8 and year relationship with a guy I never fully fancied from the start. And I just don't want that happen again! So thanks for all your help but i am still searching for that guy that wants me as much as I want him😊

Well handled👍🏻onwards and upwards. Wishing you lots of fun

Ah thanks for the update @Sarz1991

It wasn't the outcome you wanted but at least he got back to you and didn't leave you hanging.
Onwards and Upwards.

Definitely onwards and upwards. Xxx