Is he just being polite or is he interested?

[Sarz1991]

So I just had a first date tonight and it went brilliantly other than the fact that I am still left wondering whether he fancies me or not.

He did make a fair bit of eye contact and I definitely (think!) caught him checking me out at the corner of his eye a few times while we were going for a stroll.

But no compliments which always me think a guy might not be interested. So anyways at the end of the date (he was going to offer to get coffee at the cafe at the end of our walk but it was closed so we couldn't) after chatting for a few minutes at our cars, I said I had a lovely time, he said something nice which I can't remember, probably echoing what I said, gave me a really sweet hug and said "we'll keep in touch, enjoy your weekend ".

Not long after i came home still feeling confused, he sent me a text saying "Thanks for the nice walk. Have a safe trip home. Talk soon night!!" So this has left me more confused? So what do ye think? Just being polite or is interested?

LtDansleg I see people post comments like yours all over Mumsnet when threads like this are started. I even took the advice myself once - and ended up dating a man who was lukewarm about me. I’ve yet to see one successful outcome following this advice. I could be wrong this time but I doubt it. If he’s interested, he will let OP know.

I don't think it should always be down to the guy to ask and I also don't like uncertainty so if I've been on a date I'd like to repeat but couldn't tell if they were feeling it I send a "had a lovely time, let me know if you fancy doing it again" message - no pressure but clear im interested and if they aren't they can just ignore or whatever

@Newjobcrap I have to disagree I'm afraid. I asked DH out and arranged, I think, two subsequent dates.

We hit it off and within 6 months, he gave up all his future plans for me and we're still crazy about each other after nearly 20 years.

@layladomino

Please don't fall for the old 'men should ask for the date' 'men should do the running' 'if he liked me he'd call first'.... this is 2021. You have 50% of the responsibility to move this forward. You aren't some sappy herione waiting for her prince to come and rescue her. If you're interested in him then show him that. You'll soon know if he's interested or not. Win win. IME decent people respect other people being honest and straightforward. If he runs a mile just because you show you're interested then you're better off without him.

I gather The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You advise the opposite of this!

OK rather mixed comments but thanks for them anyway, I really appreciate them! I suppose the bottom line is, I fancy the pants off this guy. Yes I know its only a first date and he may or not be who I want to be with in the future, but what I am trying to say is....I am willing to take a chance and see what happens. So I am going to message him tomorrow night(if he hasn't messaged me by then!) and say something along the lines of "Hey how are you? I forgot to mention I enjoyed our walk and I would like to do it again". But wow I really don't want to have to because I fear the reply that I don't want to hear🙈 So do ye think I should just do it or hold onto my pride?

I'd message him now OP. Then you'll know whether he's interested or not. Don't drag it out until tomorrow.

Why would it hurt your pride if a man decided you weren’t compatible so didn’t want a second date? If it’s going to upset you more getting turned down then don’t message him. But I wouldn’t see the issue in asking if he wants a second date

You are playing games by waiting to message him. If you want to message him, just do it.
Based on the messages you have exchanged, it sounds like neither of you are that keen, and your message to him sounded a bit like a polite brush-off. So if you like him, just message him now to show interest. There is nothing wrong with showing someone you are keen (within reason of course!)
However, one thing that stands out is your ‘blood out of a stone’ description. Would you want a relationship with someone like that? Doesn’t sound much fun to me.

No, don't say 'I forgot to mention', that's super cringe. Just message now and ask if he's interested in seeing you again. What do you have to lose? A few minutes of feeling sad about being rejected, compared to the possibility of seeing him again and maybe even having a relationship!

Just say what is true in your text. Don't 'overthink' it !

E.g Hi, how's your weekend ? I'm going to ..........later for a coffee, would you like to join me if you're free ?

Or something similar. I never understand other women's reluctance to just say what they think/want etc !

What the hell have you got to lose ?

He WILL text if he wants to, it is that simple. So why agonise?

The 50 percent responsibility for moving it forward is nice in theory, but in practice usually impossible to do without getting anxious, as you are currently doing.

Just text him and say "hey, I really enjoyed the other night and was wondering if you wanted to grab that coffee? X"

Don't wait for him to text if you're interested.

Just message him and ask him if he wants to do something, don't say I forgot to mention though. Personally I wouldn't wait for him to message before sending one either, men have the same nerves we do.

@Sarz1991

OK rather mixed comments but thanks for them anyway, I really appreciate them! I suppose the bottom line is, I fancy the pants off this guy. Yes I know its only a first date and he may or not be who I want to be with in the future, but what I am trying to say is....I am willing to take a chance and see what happens. So I am going to message him tomorrow night(if he hasn't messaged me by then!) and say something along the lines of "Hey how are you? I forgot to mention I enjoyed our walk and I would like to do it again". But wow I really don't want to have to because I fear the reply that I don't want to hear🙈 So do ye think I should just do it or hold onto my pride?

I don’t know why you need to wait a day to see if he answers, if I were him I would not answer your last message as it shut down the conversation cold (at least he aid “speak later”). You could just send a message and invite him somewhere, please don’t say “I forgot to mention” I am cringing for you at that. 😊

OK thanks again for all your great comments. I took the plunge and asked him if he would like to get an ice cream later and this is what he said "How ya Sarah! Sorry I have a anniversary mass for my aunt to go to this evening in limerick.
And I'm not really free the next couple of days and then I'm off to Galway Tuesday so it looks like it will be next weekend I can meet you!
Sorry about that, are you having a good Saturday? 😀". I am happy enough with that! If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't say he wanted to meet me! I am glad I messaged him now because I totally agree that my reply to his message Thursday night was a bit cold.

Leave it there OP and line up some dates with other men.

He is lukewarmth in action so keep him in the maybe pile and look for better.

In my experience if a man really likes you no matter how shy he is he will pursue you.

@Sarz1991

OK thanks again for all your great comments. I took the plunge and asked him if he would like to get an ice cream later and this is what he said "How ya Sarah! Sorry I have a anniversary mass for my aunt to go to this evening in limerick. And I'm not really free the next couple of days and then I'm off to Galway Tuesday so it looks like it will be next weekend I can meet you! Sorry about that, are you having a good Saturday? 😀". I am happy enough with that! If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't say he wanted to meet me! I am glad I messaged him now because I totally agree that my reply to his message Thursday night was a bit cold.

I think that's a brush off. The anniversary mass thing could be true but I've heard that line a few times myself and so have a few of my friends. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think he sounds keen.

Firstly, by what your friends say he doesn't sound a catch.
Secondly, text - great, okay, get in touch when you're back'. If he don't...

Just reply “All good here, thanks. Hope all goes well and give me a shout when you’re back if you’d like to meet up?”

And then leave it. You’ve been proactive; if he’s keen, he’ll call after that….

he doesn't like to show his emotions and it's like trying to get blood out of a stone with him

He might continue to give crumbs if he's known to be this way. You've asked him now, see if he follows up. I'd leave it at that for the meantime.

Just ask him on another date. If he's interested he will say yes.

So he's off to Galway - for the races ?

What did you reply OP?

I just replied that" I was up at my parents house riding this morning but now I'm back home! How was your day" He replied "It was busy I was spreading fertiliser all day and I was under pressure to get it finished for this mass tonight. I'm just leaving now so I'll talk to you soon, enjoy the rest of your weekend! 😉👍☀️" and I just replied " Yeah enjoy the rest of your weekend 😊". But I'm going to leave it at that! I only wanted to message him first purely because I thought I was a bit cold in my last message. But the ball is in his court after that that!

Horse riding I meant to say!