Am I normal to feel hurt? (Masturbation)

[hellolittleone]

So me and my partner have been together 3 years and have an 9 month old baby boy. Two days ago he’s ended our relationship over a stupid argument we had and it’s not great at home we don’t talk much but around the baby we act normal. Usually if he breaks things off after a row we are fine after a couple of days of grovelling from whichever one of us was wrong. But this time it’s not so easy and I admit it was my fault. Which I’ve admitted and apologised for.
Here’s my problem...
The past few days since it’s happened he has been leaving underwear he has used to clean up after he’s masturbated, on our bedroom floor for me to wash. Now I usually wouldn’t see this as our sex life is really good and if I did it wouldn’t usually bother me that he’s watched porn etc but to leave them so freely for me to see on the floor I know he wants me to be hurt and I am for some reason. I’m a mess, I’m sleeping on the sofa at night and he’s happily watching porn in our bed at night and getting himself off.
Can anyone please give me some light into why I feel so hurt by this? Do I just wash them as normal and pretend it doesn’t bother me?

Thanks ☺️

@justanotheroldman I do realise my comment sounds very sexist, but given the background of this situation (were the OPs partner frequently ends the relationship over what seems to be trivial issues), it should be him who sleeps downstairs. If it was the OP who frequently started arguments or ended the relationship everytime they fought then I would agree that it would be her that should sleep on the sofa, but that's not the case. The OP did admit that in this instance she instigated the argument but had since apologised. It seems her partner is "punishing" her everytime they fight which is not normal nor healthy. Really the party who is in "the wrong" should be the one to sleep on the sofa, and as OP has admitted fault and said sorry, she is still being "made to pay" which is very unfair.

The main problem here is that you don't respect your feelings.

Whatever feeling you have, x y or z, there will always be somebody who would feel it more than you in the same situation, and there will always be somebody who would feel it less than you. Your emotions are the definition of you - you cannot disrespect them without making yourself unhappy.

In referring to 'normal', you are looking for an external set of parameters, and asking if you are within them. A rulebook, if you like. There is no external rulebook. There is nothing to refer to. So, we have to make our own rulebook, and everybody's is different.

I suspect that there are many other things he does that make you upset, but you think you might not be 'normal' to feel upset by them, so you pretend you're not. This is also disrespecting your feelings.

How do you feel about being with a partner who breaks things off every 5 minutes? In the pit of your stomach, how does that feel, regardless of any other issues?

With regard to the pants, if you can't get out of the relationship/house immediately, tell him that if he leaves any more for you to clean up, you'll put them in the bin, and make sure you follow through.

How do you think he'll respond if you do that?

@TeddyBearsPicnic89
I mostly agree with you, but the OP simply states she is sleeping on the sofa ( could be in a flat not a house, ), and nothing about “being made to pay”.
But either way the pair of them need to buck up their ideas and be parents

No respect for you. Get rid. Simple.

“ Usually if he breaks things off after a row”

I stopped here. This isn’t normal. Not at all. You need to get this man out of your life as much as possible . I realize you are now tied to him by a child, but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship.

Put the pants in the bin every time. He'll soon get the message when he runs out. Better yet, kick him out

Bin them. Every time.

Wait...why are you sleeping on the sofa? He should be sleeping on the sofa, or you both sleep in the bed. I would go to bed as normal tonight and hop in the bed. If he's upset that you are getting into your bed, he can go sleep on the sofa. He sounds like a pig though and nasty, breaking up constantly and either one grovelling is not healthy and is an extremely dysfunctional relationship. So maybe you should call it quits permanently, because what you've described simply isn't normal, mature or stable.

Why the actual fuck are you doing his washing? Put his jizzy pants on his pillow.

That is grim. Disgusting man.

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@TeddyBearsPicnic89,
Why should he be sleeping on the sofa ?, are females not able to sleep on sofas in 2021 ?[/quote]
I'm guessing you've not been pregnant or had your back fucked by carrying a baby around.

@JustAnotherOldMan Their baby is also 9 months old. Most likely OP is doing a lot of the stuff with the baby, which is knackering, and her partner should be supporting her by letting her get a much sleep as she can (which a lot of people don't on the sofa really.)

The division of labour when it comes to childcare does tend to fall more on the woman to some extent unfortunately, rather than being equal.

@hellolittleone I advise you bin him anyway. He's stroppy and minging.

He sounds like a dirty little animal, I wouldn't have a creature like that around my baby. Get rid.

Why are you even washing them?

Tell the dirty bastard to wash his own spunky knickers. So disrespectful to leave them on the floor for someone else to pick up.

I used to live with this man, I spent a lot of time actually the whole time either guilty or confused but sorry anyway. I was so lucky to get bacterial meningitis and almost die so I had to go home to my parents. He never visited once while I was in ICU but a week after he rang and asked what was for tea. I am now 20 years married to a decent kind and loving man x

Fuck him , what a filthy pig . Tell him if he can’t clean his own filth you’ll pick up his undies with tongs put them in a post pack and send them to his mum to wash - seeing as he wants to act like a juevenile
Perhaps mum can organise some counselling for his porn issues which are undoubtedly helping encourage his mysogynistic attitudes towards women

FFS, raise your standards and stop being this pig's skivvy.

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@TeddyBearsPicnic89,
Why should he be sleeping on the sofa ?, are females not able to sleep on sofas in 2021 ?[/quote]
Are men not able to respect women in 2021 ?

So after a row a female is incapable of sleeping on sofa ?

@JustAnotherOldMan

So after a row a female is incapable of sleeping on sofa ?

@justanotheroldman

Why is who sleeps on the clinch what you’re focussed on , when there is SO MUCH MORE that is concerning in this post , like the abusive behaviour from the man towards the OP here
You seem to have your priorities really backwards and to be focussed on somehow worrying about some ‘ injustice against men ‘ and how this is about why a woman isn’t sleeping on the couch after ‘ just some row ‘
How about being concerned with why a man ( and so many men for that matter ) think this type of mysogynistic Abusive behaviour is acceptable ….. or is it more important to you to try to paint men as hard done by

@JustAnotherOldMan

So after a row a female is incapable of sleeping on sofa ?

Irrelevant

Should read ….*why is who’s sleeping on the couch …..

Besides the fact that only a man could possibly expect the mother of a nine month old baby yo sleep on a sofa … I mean it clearly shows a complete ignorance of the absolute toll pregnancy, childbirth qnd feeding take from a woman in those early years and the absolute exhaustion .
Having been there four times qnd then at other times having worked multiple jobs I can say without question I was NEVER as absolutely shattered as the year following each child
Perhaps anotheroldman thinks the OP should have popped the bub in the magazine basket next to the tv so that she could easily rise for the night feeds whilst hubby was happy in the double bed wanking away and leaving his dirty washing for her
Posts like this always highlight to me how me. Just simply have zero idea what women go through

The whole relationship sounds toxic OP. This environment is bad for your mental health and that of your child, it's not normal to break up all the time.

The pants thing is just disgusting, especially now your child is approaching being mobile, they will pick up anything. Totally disrespectful and he knows it.