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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH and his memory and confusion is worrying me, he's 49

55 replies

cantrememberagain · 16/07/2021 08:22

My DH has always been a bit forgetful, he will loose things and forget but just like a regular person.

I'm starting to get really concerned over the last year he spends most days at least 30 minutes a day wandering around looking for something he's misplaced, his keys, his wallet etc. In the last 6 months we've had to replace 3 of his bank cards he's lost.

He also does this thing where he says "I'll mow the grass" and two days later it's not done and he seems confused as he's clearly said he was doing it, it's like he think is by saying it, it happens?

Same with food shopping, he's not been for weeks but daily says "I'll go to the shops"

Yesterday he forgot the vets app other the day before he forgot to take my son to his appointment, he's forgotten the dogs and seems just so confused.

He's also getting angry and kind of "flap" panic like if we are running late or for anything that has a timeframe.

I've started this week keeping a note book to pop down everything that happens as it's really starting to impact of the family and I feel like it's me that's making something out of nothing.

What am I supposed to do with this information? I joke with him about being forgetful but now it seems not a joke and maybe something a bit worse that may need medical help.

For context his dad has dementia but is 85 and his started in his 70s so could it be the start?

Anyone with similar experience or tell me that the above is normal?

OP posts:

pitterpatterrain · 16/07/2021 08:23

The note book seems like a good idea - I don’t have any experience but sounds like a trip to the GP would be in order

lobsterkiller · 16/07/2021 08:26

I was like this, i would stare at friends and couldnt remember their names, forget words, forget to attend meetings.

I had a bad vitamin D deficiency. Treated in the standard way. Encourage him to get some tests done. hopefully its something very simple.

DaxtheDestroyer · 16/07/2021 08:26

Yes I agree a trip to the GP would be a good step. It doesn't sound like a normal level of confusion/forgetfulness, and there can be causes other than dementia. Have you noticed anything else about his health or behaviour that's changed recently?

CagneyNYPD · 16/07/2021 08:26

Is he stressed about work? Or something else. My DH is quite forgetful, misplace let's etc. Generally quite disorganised. But there is always a big increase when he is particularly stressed about something else.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 16/07/2021 08:26

Get him to the doctors. That absolutely isn't normal.

Original poster

cantrememberagain · 16/07/2021 08:34

Thank you, I take vit D so that's a great start, I'll get extra for the family to take.

I'm going to keep the note book so when I talk to him about the GP he can see what it's like, because right now he would laugh if I suggested how serious I'm taking this, I'm still not sure how bad it needs to be.

Honesty work is OK for him, I'm the stressy breadwinner and run a business so he's has a steady job that he's done for 8 years and works from home and manages the house, which is maybe why this is more obvious to us as a family.

He's fit and active trains at the gym, eats well so no really obvious health issues.

OP posts:

yumscrumfatbum · 16/07/2021 08:39

I agree a trip to GP. There are a number of illnesses that lead to memory loss/concentration issues. My husband presented like this before being diagnosed with thyroid issues. These all need ruling out.

Original poster

cantrememberagain · 16/07/2021 08:41

Meant to add my house and garden is full of half jobs as well, he will start something and then for whatever reason, weather, tools etc he will stop but then he won't think ever to go back and finish?

We have half cut hedges, half painted fencing. I've spoke to him said I'd get a handy man to do the smaller jobs for him etc but he was quite offended, I was just getting a bit sick of all the half jobs to be honest. I'd do it myself but I'm not at home until 8pm most nights and then just weekends and have two DS to catch up with.

OP posts:

Original poster

cantrememberagain · 16/07/2021 08:41

@yumscrumfatbum was he able to regonise the issues himself? Or did you have to ask him to go?

OP posts:

Horehound · 16/07/2021 08:43

Don't get him on any vitamins right now until you've had tests results back from GP. You need them to see his current state without it being altered by you buying tablets.

It does sound concerning, definitely. I hope you get to the bottom of it and it's not serious.

DinosaurDiana · 16/07/2021 08:44

My DH has completely forgotten a conversation he had with our DD about a friend of his. He is flatly denying it ever took place and has now said we’re hanging up on him and trying to get him put away !
This, along with his driving yesterday, is making me start to think.
Good luck OP, I hope he agrees to go to the GP.

Woodswoman · 16/07/2021 08:46

Does he meet any of the criteria for having ADHD? Or has he previously been fine and now it’s a problem (ADHD starts in childhood, it’s one of the requirements for diagnosis), in which case it wouldn’t be.

Original poster

cantrememberagain · 16/07/2021 08:47

Thanks you again for the fast replies, his motor skills driving etc are all perfectly ok it's just his memory and muddling over simple stuff that's worrying.

OP posts:

LindaEllen · 16/07/2021 08:47

@cantrememberagain

Thank you, I take vit D so that's a great start, I'll get extra for the family to take.

He's fit and active trains at the gym, eats well so no really obvious health issues.

Don't just give him and the rest of the family Vitamin D without knowing if he's deficient or not. He needs a blood test to confirm. You can't just 'decide' that's the answer and give it to him. Too much is bad, too, if he's actually already getting plenty.

Horehound · 16/07/2021 08:48

Just organise the handy man. You know you don't need to have your husband's say so to do it?!

Mabelface · 16/07/2021 08:48

Had the same issues recently and it's impacted my work too. Another vitamin d deficiency here. Been taking supplements prescribed by the gp for a couple of weeks and I'm starting to get my brain back!

Horehound · 16/07/2021 08:49

Also, why haven't you actually mentioned your concern to him? I don't mean in a jokey way which is what it seems like has been happening? Why not say you are concerned?

Oblomov21 · 16/07/2021 09:07

Agree. Why haven't you sat him down and had a serious conversation? So that he too recognises it and talks to the GP willingly.

Lara53 · 16/07/2021 09:07

My underactive thyroid causes me serious brain fog. Ask for blood tests

Original poster

cantrememberagain · 16/07/2021 09:16

@Horehound I have I'm meeting the handy guy next week, only logistics of meeting at the house is hard for me.

I think the jokey thing has been in place for a while as he's been gradually getting worse, it's only while I've been at home for a few weeks where I've started actually adding it all up, I wanted to keep notes so when I do sit down with him he can visually see abs not brush it off.

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 16/07/2021 09:31

Notes are great, but it would be better to mention it first in a serious way.

'Hey Fred, you know you're more forgetful than usual at the moment. I've read that vitamin deficiencies or thyroid problems can cause that. Why don't we get that checked out with the GP?'

Also, ring the GP to make them aware of the degree of the problem. They won't tell you anything, but they'll take it more seriously if your DH downplays it at the appointment.

If he disagrees, that when to keep the notes. I'd be upset, I think, if you'd been keeping track without telling me. I'd feel ambushed.

Wombat36 · 16/07/2021 09:34

Where it will get awkward is if he won't see the GP. Definitely don't leave it tho. As it can be lots of things. I have ADHD (dx'd) and wander round in fog, particularly now I'm the same age as your DH. But I'm not that bad. I think there's more going on here.

We ignored MiL's memory issues and assumed FiL would sort out an assessment. It's just not happened and now she's in a right state and still no-one can talk about it as any discussion gets shut down.

lightand · 16/07/2021 09:41

alzheimer.ca/en/about-dementia/do-i-have-dementia/10-warning-signs-dementia

I agree with going to the GP though.

I also agree that stress can make people forget things. Especially if their job or other parts of their life rely on them remembering a lot of things. It is like the brain has become full up, so some things have to be discarded. I am not medical though.

yumscrumfatbum · 16/07/2021 09:54

He wasn't aware of the issues, I suggested he get himself checked out. To be honest I thought he was depressed.

spinningspaniels · 16/07/2021 10:05

DH is 57 and has got terrible memory/attention span these days. He has lost sets of keys, including a very expensive coded key to his car that cost £700 to replace. He's lost 2 of his car mats when cleaning.... he's lost the key to one set of patio doors that we now can't open. He loses his phone most days, and now has a Tile on it with linked app on his phone.

However, he was recently diagnosed with quite a serious cardiac issue (atrial fibrilation) and when I mentioned his memory to the consultant he's under, apparently it's very common and to do with circulation....... so I'd recommend a GP visit (not trying to scare you).

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