DH and his memory and confusion is worrying me, he's 49

[cantrememberagain]

My DH has always been a bit forgetful, he will loose things and forget but just like a regular person.

I'm starting to get really concerned over the last year he spends most days at least 30 minutes a day wandering around looking for something he's misplaced, his keys, his wallet etc. In the last 6 months we've had to replace 3 of his bank cards he's lost.

He also does this thing where he says "I'll mow the grass" and two days later it's not done and he seems confused as he's clearly said he was doing it, it's like he think is by saying it, it happens?

Same with food shopping, he's not been for weeks but daily says "I'll go to the shops"

Yesterday he forgot the vets app other the day before he forgot to take my son to his appointment, he's forgotten the dogs and seems just so confused.

He's also getting angry and kind of "flap" panic like if we are running late or for anything that has a timeframe.

I've started this week keeping a note book to pop down everything that happens as it's really starting to impact of the family and I feel like it's me that's making something out of nothing.

What am I supposed to do with this information? I joke with him about being forgetful but now it seems not a joke and maybe something a bit worse that may need medical help.

For context his dad has dementia but is 85 and his started in his 70s so could it be the start?

Anyone with similar experience or tell me that the above is normal?

He loses his keys most days......

Any chance he’s had covid - there are some people suffering with a brain fog for months afterwards.

My Dad developed dementia as a side effect of Parkinson’s. His decline was slow and started with him losing stuff and having an issue with his short term memory so forgetting appointments and recent events. Be good to get his bloods done first and have a chat afterwards with his GP. There is a test that can be done at home. Dad used to practise and truth be told was so clever he staved off a diagnosis for a long time even though my mother knew something was not right. Main thing is you need to make sure you know what you might be dealing with so be good to link with your health care professional before jumping to any conclusions.

@spinningspaniels that's actually really interesting, as I'm on this thread now remembering so many other things he's forgotten.

Only a week ago he did returns at the post office with clear note to get it recorded and now he has no idea if he did post recorded he can't find the receipts and I may of lost about £70 worth of returns. I've asked him the last 4 days in a row can he look for me and he's forgotten to look.

The heart issue, interesting his sister who's 56 has a pacemaker and his dad declined after a heart issue and also has a pacemaker, I'm so glad I started this thread you are all so helpful.

Thank you all, and I agree with the poster that said about being ambushed, I do agree but I need to have it in black and white so he can see my concerns are real, he needs anything we discuss drawing or listing, which isn't memory related more to do with his dyslexia and the way he processes information.

This memory loss is different to his normal processing.

And covid we believe he had it back in Feb 2020 but hasn't had any other long covid symptoms and we have no confirmed test, so are part of the thousands who felt off before the real lockdowns, but it could of been the flu!

@spinningspaniels

DH is 57 and has got terrible memory/attention span these days. He has lost sets of keys, including a very expensive coded key to his car that cost £700 to replace. He's lost 2 of his car mats when cleaning.... he's lost the key to one set of patio doors that we now can't open. He loses his phone most days, and now has a Tile on it with linked app on his phone.

However, he was recently diagnosed with quite a serious cardiac issue (atrial fibrilation) and when I mentioned his memory to the consultant he's under, apparently it's very common and to do with circulation....... so I'd recommend a GP visit (not trying to scare you).

My husband is currently 57. About ten years ago I was going through this with him. He was HORRENDOUS for short term memory loss and so we went to the Gp as his mum lost her marbles at a very young age. He was referred for tests and they hooked him up to a ecg machine and did the test 3-4 times. They were convinced it was wrong. He ended up being rushed to a and e as they thought he was having a massive heart attack. Turned out that he has Atrial fibrillation along with two other separate heart issues. Each one is relatively easy to deal with alone but all three is a nightmare. Ten years on and he is still forgetful, gets tired very quickly and is still having tests and trying new medication to help it improve. I have bought him a watch that monitors and saved his atrial fibrillation patterns onto his phone so he can share them with his consultant. On a bad day he is pinged a dozen times notifying him of an episode and his heart rate goes through the roof and his blood pressure follows it. It's no wonder her is tired! Like running a marathon every day.

This is the watch that I bought my husband. It's clinically verified which the huge majority of other watches that advertise heart health monitoring are not. Afforded my husband some reassurance so that he knows he is in an episode and if he gets unusual pain he can call an ambulance immediately. Before, he never knew if it was afib or heartburn or whatever.

www.withings.com/uk/en/scanwatch

Definitely get some bloods tests done first before you give him any vitamins or supplements - you need to be able to rule in/out deficiency as the cause.

You can have early onset dementia - I've been to patients in their 50s with it...

But!

You won't know which road to go down until you've seen/spoken to a doctor.

Even if you say you're booking an appointment for you both, and go with him and explain your concerns..

And i know you say his driving isn't a concern at the moment, but keep a check on it - if he's forgetting things whilst doing them, it could spread to while driving.

Will he go to the GP? It sounds like you need to convince him.

You can look at the informant questionnaire on here to help you:

gpcog.com.au/

Both DH and I raised concerns on it just to post-Covid neurological/cognitive issues with memory and executive function. So if he has had Covid both cardiac/circulation issues and neurological issues could result and could get worse over time.

If you tell him your plans can he take it in?
E.g I am going to friend's house now and will go to supermarket on way home then I am taking child to activity.
If this sort of thing is too much to take in it could be a warning sign of a gradual onset cognitive stroke please get him checked out .If you can't go to GP with him speak to them first with your concerns.Good luck

And check for atrial fibrillation

Agree with what PP are saying about not giving anyone Vit D without getting blood tests first
Plus the GP is likely to prescribe a much higher dose of Vit D - if it is needed - than you would think of buying.

As is has been on a few years adhd is also something to consider as my ex was very forgetful and disorganised and was since early 20s when I met him .

I'm concerned about my DP. He's 57 and this morning he woke me at 7.30am worried I hadn't heard my alarm clock and would be late for work. I start my annual leave today, he forgot.

He left a frying pan on the gas hob the other day, it was low and no fat in it as it had been used for warming up tortillas.

This morning he'd gone into a cupboard, brought out a new jar of coffee when the half full jar of coffee was next to the kettle.

He's type 2 diabetic and he's been eating too many sweet things lately. He says he takes his tablets although I don't think he does religiously and he hasn't checked his blood sugars for ages. If I was to mention anything he gets snappy.

Actually it sounds like vascular dementia or Alzheimer's vs needing a pacemaker-he'd be symptomatic with low heart rate,paleness,feeling faint or near faint.

@EKGEMS

That is not true. Pace makers are not just for a low heart rate. They are for very fast or irregular heart rate as well. That wouldn't make somebody pale, on the contrary they could be flushed. But some people do not have ANY symptoms at all other than feeling a very occasional flutter and let's be honest that "missed beat" feeling happens to us all occasionally.

My husband was 47-48 and had NO physical symptoms at all. He was being investigated for dementia and a routine ecg picked up 3 separate heart issues. He will likely need a pacemaker very soon but not because his heart rate is low, but because it goes like the clappers ( up to 170 bmp when he is say perfectly still in his very sedentary job). That is what causes his tiredness and add in the other issues and it's like he is running 10-15 miles a day while not even moving.

@fantastaballs thank you for that watch link, DH wore a monitor for 2 weeks to aid diagnosis and had several episodes over that with a heart rate of 175bpm. A watch would be very reassurring. He's now on his 3rd lot of medication but this one although strong is doing the trick. I think a pacemaker will happen eventually.

OP, maybe speak to your Dr in your own right saying how much it is stressing you. Your Dr will probably ask you appropriate questions. Then you will have told your Dr what is happening with your husband.

If you gently mention things to your husband that you have listed he might explain it away. If he forbids you to speak to the Dr about this you are going to be in an awkward position.

Hang on @cantrememberagain did you say your husband has dyslexia? Memory is a massive part of that and can get worse as you get older.

@spinningspaniels

Your husbands journey sounds very similar to my own husband. I only purchased the watch around 6 months ago after he suspected he may be having a heart attack. The diy blood pressure monitor couldn't get a reading and he had very tight pains across his chest. Thankfully it was just a severe episode but I bought the watch right away. It really helps him to be sure that while it may be uncomfortable, it's just a normal episode for him and he isn't biting the bullet just yet.

I can highly recommend them for peace of mind and ease of sharing the information with the drs etc. The reviews are good and they look quite nice too.

@DameCelia yes he was diagnosed when he was younger and my eldest son has the same dyslexia and dyspraxia and diagnosed and mild.

So to the poster that asked about following instructions the answer is no, he can't focus on more than 3 things at a time, so I break it into chunks and write notes for him, I've been managing this for 20+ years and I have the same with my son, so I'm used to saying

"Can you take this to post office and make sure it's recorded delivery"

Even though I need some eggs, milk, cheese etc, what I'll do is hand him a list with those items on it and say while you're there.

But on this occasion, he had the list forgot the cheese, can't recall if he posted recorded And now he can't find the receipts, and is really frustrated.

For me that aspect of him is normal, the increased confusion, looking muddled and the level of incidents are going beyond dyslexia.

I'm going to take on board all of your comments and see how talking to him goes, I think he's going to be very defensive.

I also think he's going slightly deaf as he shouts and he didn't take to kindly to me mentioning that and suggesting he booked a hearing test, he took ages to accept the fact he needs glasses as well.

Thank you for the watch links, you aren't vipers after all 🤣

@fantastaballs you are 100% right-I swear half my post disappeared! Yes the AICD or pacemaker is for dysrhytjmias.

At some point soon you override him with a GP visit and a hospital bag packed in the car.
Don't delay it might be important

I don't want to worry you, as it is only one of many things it could be, but my DH had a brain tumour and was really confused. Definitely worth getting checked out.