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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He's being ridiculous isn't he?

60 replies

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 21:59

Just a post to show my husband he's being ridiculous. Here is the story.

My eldest child attends a club outside of school, between sessions I have back and forth messages with the club leader about my child, the messages are based around this. I've actually only met the leader twice and spoke to the leader once via zoom call, all to help my child. In the most recent messages, the leader has told me that he doesn't live too far from where I live when I gave my address for something to be posted to my child regarding this club my child attends, it was said in a passing conversation in text and the next messages after that almost a week later the message read 'it's always nice to hear from you'..my husband thinks he fancies me and is peeved. Tell him it's ridiculous as I don't know him and have barely even met the man..thanks

OP posts:

ThePurplePalace · 14/07/2021 22:05

It’s a generic response and doesn’t mean one thing or the other.

And if he did fancy you… so what? Is your husband lack any confidence in your ability to a.) remember you’re married and b.) you don’t have it off with any man that shows an interest?

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:06

Thank you and I completely agree!

OP posts:

Justcallmebebes · 14/07/2021 22:08

It's a tad flirty tbh and if you've only met twice in the club setting, pretty inappropriate. If it's unwanted shut it right down and keep it v formal

PieceOfString · 14/07/2021 22:11

Entirely depends on the man's personality. If my anti social DH said that to someone, it would stand out a mile, very out of character, but from a sociable sort of person like me... not so much. Presumably to be running a kids club he's going to be more of the extrovert kind and more prone to warm friendly ways of phrasing. I wouldn't read too much into it if I was him, certainly not enough to cause an atmosphere at home!

MissConductUS · 14/07/2021 22:13

Your husband is being ridiculous. And if he did fancy you, why would that make him a pervert?

MotionActivatedDog · 14/07/2021 22:14

Yeah I reckon he’s testing the waters for flirting territory.

Cheerio21 · 14/07/2021 22:15

Tbh if it was the other way round and a woman text my DP that I'd be pissed too 😂

MissConductUS · 14/07/2021 22:16

Sorry, I misread peeved for perv.

The bloke was just trying to be pleasant.

changingdirection · 14/07/2021 22:17

The comment about not living too far isn't a problem. I can see why he'd be feeling a bit uncomfortable with "it's always nice to hear from you". It could be completely innocent and he could just be a very friendly chap but I would be careful with how many messages are being sent to him and the content. That's the trouble with texts! They can be misconstrued.

LunaAndHer3Stars · 14/07/2021 22:18

Unless you said something like sorry to keep bothering you with questions the it's always nice to hear from you does seem a bit out of place. But on the flip side it's not something I'd get peeved over. Whether he's overreacting depends, if he just said he's flirting with you and was a little annoyed at the man, not you, not over reaction. If he's saying you need to cut all contact and is blaming you then yes way over reaction. He either trusts you, or he doesn't.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/07/2021 22:18

If you don't intend to shag him wjatbdoes it matter?

SilverOak · 14/07/2021 22:23

The leader is being slightly flirtatious. As long as you don’t respond then your husband is being ridiculous. Last week my husband’s colleague told him he was looking good and his wife should be worried, and he just laughed and felt flattered. I’m not bothered in the slightest, so what if someone fancies him?

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:23

My DH thinks I should cut down contact but the only time I contact him or he contacts me is if we need to talk about my child. The hearing from me thing wasn't said in relation to me apologising for asking questions no. It was just said after I emailed with a question where I just said hello, asked the question and said thanks and signed off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:25

To answer how I respond, I don't say anything like that back to him other than if I say 'you too' or ' I'm okay, hope you are' in response.

OP posts:

Wheelz46 · 14/07/2021 22:31

Have your husband correspond with him instead of you, see if he messages him in the same way.

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:33

Ha ha @Wheelz46 not a bad idea!

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MsJinks · 14/07/2021 22:38

It’s just the guy being polite and engaging with a parent of a kid in his club as far as I can see - my mum’s gardener always seems to think he should put something nice on texts as well - but it’s business sense.
Your hubby should be proud you’re fit and fanciable anyway - and fully confident that you have sufficient self control not to tear your pants off if a male adds just one extra normal sentence than might be strictly necessary.

OVienna · 14/07/2021 22:43

"It's always nice to hear from you" is kind of a weird remark tbh.

TwinsAndTrifle · 14/07/2021 22:48

It's always nice to hear from you, suggests he could be testing if you think it's nice to hear from him. In a "I like our little chats, I'm open to them being more frequent" kind of way.

I'd feel a bit, hmmmmm, about it tbh.

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:49

@OVienna can you explain from your views why? I don't know now if I'm right or being naive

OP posts:

toastantea · 14/07/2021 22:50

Why is your husband even reading your messages?

SGBK4862 · 14/07/2021 22:52

"It's always nice to hear from you" is kind of a weird remark tbh.

Agree with the above. I've frequently messaged people about my kids and can't see a situation in which it could be termed strictly professional, other than that a pp suggested where you had apologised for bothering them. On the other hand, it's not exactly code for "how about a shag?" either.

Can see your DH's irritation but doesn't he trust you? You can't help it if this guy does fancy you. As long as you don't encourage him.......

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:53

I showed him that particular message to show him what was said about our child and he commented it was an odd thing to say and that coupled with the other message it sounded like something more and he wasn't impressed.

OP posts:

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/07/2021 22:56

I say things like lovely to hear from you to my customers. I don't fancy them. 😁 It makes them feel valued, its good for business.

Even if he was trying to get into your knickers your husband should have enough respect for you to know that you would tell him to sod off.

Original poster

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 22:59

I thought it was going to go 100% in my favor here. Lol. He said the whole where he lives thing was hinting as he said 'I live near to you as it happens'..again that's friendly convo to me.

OP posts:

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