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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's being ridiculous isn't he?

60 replies

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 21:59

Just a post to show my husband he's being ridiculous. Here is the story.

My eldest child attends a club outside of school, between sessions I have back and forth messages with the club leader about my child, the messages are based around this. I've actually only met the leader twice and spoke to the leader once via zoom call, all to help my child. In the most recent messages, the leader has told me that he doesn't live too far from where I live when I gave my address for something to be posted to my child regarding this club my child attends, it was said in a passing conversation in text and the next messages after that almost a week later the message read 'it's always nice to hear from you'..my husband thinks he fancies me and is peeved. Tell him it's ridiculous as I don't know him and have barely even met the man..thanks

OP posts:
Downsize2021 · 14/07/2021 23:01

I would read it as your feedback/communication is always polite, useful and friendly and therefore he's happy to hear from you because he knows it's going to be a positive thing. Some parents are just lovely to hear from and in my 15 years as a teacher I've never wanted to shag any of the children's parents.

Original poster
Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 23:02

Thank you @Downsize2021 that's exactly how I've been seeing it.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 14/07/2021 23:03

He said the whole where he lives thing was hinting as he said 'I live near to you as it happens'

He’s right. Sorry OP but your husband recognises this for what it is. I can too from the little you’ve posted as I’ve had it too from various people over the years.

Sally872 · 14/07/2021 23:08

How often are you communicating? I have 3 children at various clubs and have rarely contacted coaches individually.

Original poster
Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 23:10

There is over 70 messages in 2 months BUT my child has been struggling hence so many messages and all about him other than those things stated.

OP posts:
iamtheoneandonlyyy · 14/07/2021 23:13

70 messaged in two months is a lot, or appears to be. I think I'd be raising an eyebrow too

TwinsAndTrifle · 14/07/2021 23:19

Ahhhhh, that might throw a different angle.

An elderly family member of mine sends quite a lot of messages. And I love her. But there's a lot. And if I don't reply fast enough for her, I get a passive aggressive "Sorry, I can see you're busy, I'm taking up too much of your time"

And several times, I've replied "no, honestly, it's always nice to hear from you"

Have you sent far too many messages about your son and he's actually thought he's been a bit dismissive (in the hope you'll stop) then realised he sounded shirty/unprofessional and tried to cover quickly with a "lovely to hear from you though"

MarianneUnfaithful · 14/07/2021 23:20

70 messages in 2 months is a LOT.

If he is flirting with you OP, be honest with yourself about that.

And either smile, shrug and shrug it off, or be honest with yourself and ask if you are enjoying the attention.

And then think carefully.

ahoyshipmates · 14/07/2021 23:34

@OVienna

"It's always nice to hear from you" is kind of a weird remark tbh.
No it's not - it is the sort of thing that someone running a business would say to a parent asking a question. It's a way of saying that they don't mind getting trivial queries.
TwinsAndTrifle · 14/07/2021 23:37

It's a way of saying that they don't mind getting trivial queries.

I think this too, now OP has messaged 70 times in two months.

Meaning, honestly, no problem, contact us whenever you like. Or as said before, when someone points out they are hassling you a bit and you're trying to be polite.

TwinsAndTrifle · 14/07/2021 23:39

But then reading OP again, is she saying there was no contact for a week, then she got out of the blue "it's always nice to hear from you"?

Because that's different. That's trying to encourage dialogue where none had existed.

Sally872 · 14/07/2021 23:41

Imagine every parent messaged the person that often? When would he get anything else done?

FaceyRomford · 14/07/2021 23:49

As bloke, I agree with your DH.

HalzTangz · 14/07/2021 23:59

I agree with your husband, he does fancy you

HalzTangz · 15/07/2021 00:07

@Lostmyself86

I thought it was going to go 100% in my favor here. Lol. He said the whole where he lives thing was hinting as he said 'I live near to you as it happens'..again that's friendly convo to me.
But he's not a friend, he's your son's club leader. When you apologised for emailing the appropriate response would be its no problem how can I help, not it's always lovely to hear from you. Professional people would keep messages on track (in this case about your son) and not dropping hints where he lives Also, what sort of club is it that the leader has to text you during club sessions, shouldn't that time be spent with the children. Does he text other mother's as much as he texts you?
RedRoomAvenger · 15/07/2021 00:21

Even before you said you message each other 70 times every two months I could see where your husband is coming from. I've had men say similar to me and then get inappropriate when I've thought they were just being friendly.

But that's an awful lot of messages, even for a hobby a child is struggling with, what is it you need to be communicating with each so much about that can't be done at pick up and drop off or just a quick five minute call or a couple of texts? I know a few people have said it's good business but i kind of disagree. An occasional text maybe but not 30+ a month. If you included that in your OP your responses might be different.

My bil coaches kids football and he's had some boys really struggle with confidence but he communicates at drop off and pick up with things the parents can do at home with their children and might reply with a "great" or "well done" if a parents messages about their child doing well at football at school or "keep trying" type of messages but not that many a month. If he did that with all the parents messaging him he'd not have time to spend with his own kids as he works full time and does many hours of sorting kits and transport and lifts and shit outside of the actual session. Another reason he doesn't get drawn into lots of back and forth outside of the sessions is to avoid gossiping about being closer to one parent and being accused of favouritism cos he fancies the Mum.

TacCat49 · 15/07/2021 00:38

I think the club leader is so thankful to have some contact with a parent who is looking out for the best interests of their child. The conment means nothing, its a generic response. Maybe your husband could do the liaising.

gigglybum · 15/07/2021 01:04

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

I say things like lovely to hear from you to my customers. I don't fancy them. 😁 It makes them feel valued, its good for business.

Even if he was trying to get into your knickers your husband should have enough respect for you to know that you would tell him to sod off.

Youve probably upset a lot of wives/husbands over the years without even knowingGrin
Naunet · 15/07/2021 06:58

It doesn’t matter if this guy has a thing for you or not, your husband should trust you. If your messages have all been appropriate and this is the worst he’s said, then your husband needs to grow the fuck up. I have no tolerance for that sort of insecure, sulky crap.

Original poster
Lostmyself86 · 15/07/2021 07:16

To respond, right now the club is virtual because of covid. It is not a sports club. There is no pick up and drop off at present hence why there have been messages instead that would have amounted to an actual face to face conversation if covid had permitted. Secondly, I've asked the odd question but mainly it is not me that sends the first message so I very much doubt he feels harrassed by me asking lots of questions. I feel I'll re read the message now in case I have done that but I genuinely think it's not me. I go out of my way to only message when absolutely necessary as I already feel bad for asking questions as I know people are busy and have other lives.

OP posts:
layladomino · 15/07/2021 07:17

I agree that your husband should trust you not to do anything out of order even if this man is being flirty. That said, if I think someone is being inappropriately flirty with me I tend to back away and keep conversations very neutral. But from what you've said, your messages are all about your DC, and if they are all essential messages then I don't know how you can avoid them, unless your DH is happy to take on all responsibility for that hobby? Which seems overkill under the circumstances (unless of course you're doing the lionshare of the work, and he should be sharing the load more anyway?)

That said, 70 messages in 2 months?? That seems very demanding of this man's time - I assume he has other customers and not just your DS?!

OVienna · 15/07/2021 07:58

@Lostmyself86 a while back you asked why I thought that comment was a bit weird. Basically for the reasons @TwinsAndTrifle said. I hadn't seen or hadn't taken in it's 70 msgs over two months too.

OVienna · 15/07/2021 08:02

And is it def the case that it's always nice to hear from you" came from out of the blue? What you mention in your OP. Sorry if you've explained already.

Shoxfordian · 15/07/2021 08:06

Is your husband always this insecure and jealous? He’s being ridiculous

Original poster
Lostmyself86 · 15/07/2021 08:07

I asked a question, my first in a while as all the other messages came from him and he responded with 'Afternoon, it's always nice to hear from you' and then a response.

OP posts:
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