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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He has cut contact

7 replies

Zig27 · 13/07/2021 17:50

A month ago I went for a group meal with some friends. I have known one guy for 13 years and we were great friends. At the meal he was passive aggressive and belittling me and everyone in he group, including the waitress. I messaged him a few days later as his nastiness towards me had upset me. I did not mention the rest of the group or the waitress as that's up to them to speak out. I was compassionate towards him in my messages but he was defensive and made lots of excuses up.

We were going to meet to catch up a few days after the meal, this was before I messaged him about his behaviour. He cancelled our catch up saying he was 'busy with work'. Since then he has cut contact with us all. The one guy in our friendship group he has known for over 40 years and he didn't even bother to send him a birthday card or message like he does every year.

He is fixated on a work colleague now and it's like only she matters. He is gay so he is not trying to date her. Is this a sign it's time to move on? I still see some of the others from the friendship group and they do not display these negative traits of behaviour that he does.

OP posts:
nolovelost · 13/07/2021 17:58

Why would you want to stay friends with someone like this?

Lindy2 · 13/07/2021 18:36

He doesn't sound very nice at all.

Are you worried something is wrong which has caused this behaviour? If he's cut contact there's not much you can do other than message asking how he is every so often.

If this is normal behaviour though I'd be happy to let contact drop off. Who wants to be friends with someone who is rude to everyone.

Orf1abc · 13/07/2021 18:42

Why do you keep posting about this man?

Zig27 · 13/07/2021 19:34

@Orf1abc

Why do you keep posting about this man?
This is a completely different man! He is gay this ex friend. I just need to focus on myself and stay away from toxic people.
OP posts:
Zig27 · 13/07/2021 20:09

@Lindy2

He doesn't sound very nice at all.

Are you worried something is wrong which has caused this behaviour? If he's cut contact there's not much you can do other than message asking how he is every so often.

If this is normal behaviour though I'd be happy to let contact drop off. Who wants to be friends with someone who is rude to everyone.

You are right. He isn’t a nice person to be around. Years ago he was such a nice guy. He changed jobs 4 years ago and seems to have got involved in the wrong crowd. I find him two faced, he says about some of his friends how he doesn’t like them and then he is always on photos with them on Facebook.
OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 13/07/2021 20:15

He's just a standard narcissist by the sounds of things. He is currently fixated on a new toy (that woman) and you guys have started to outlive your usefulness to him + daring to question his shitty behaviour has hurt his ego so he has discarded you.

It has nothing to do with falling in with a bad crowd. He was always a bitch, you just saw the good side of him before hand because he was being nice to you at the time.

I'm sure if you look back you'll see there has always been people he was unnecessarily nasty about and to.

Zig27 · 13/07/2021 20:22

@Umberellatheweatha Thanks umbrella. You are right, he is being manipulative trying to make me feel I’m bad for standing up for myself. I should be thankful this abuser has removed himself from my life. He is a user and I probably never saw his true colours before.

OP posts:
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