When you have feelings for FWB and they don't feel the same....

[CatFan1122]

I'm in agony. Feel like I'm obsessed..

This has been going on for two years now. He's also a colleague which makes it so much worse. I'm getting close to quitting my job as my life just isn't worth living

I've explained how I feel, then he'll go away for a while and inevitably come back and the whole cycle just starts again.

Any tips/advice please.....

@justhisonce345 that’s you though.

My FWB was damn sexy just not relationship material. We were friends - I knew he was attractive, didn’t do anything until we had a chat one night and decided to do the FWB thing. And that’s all it ever was. Friend. With benefits.

We hung out occasionally, went for dinner, to the cinema, and had sex.

Why don't you start seeing other guys?
You will meet new people, have some fun, maybe who knows someone new will even catch your eyes and then you won't be so obsessed with him. Your problem is that you are probably acting like you are in a relationship with him. You are not.. so go out! date! feel good about yourself..
If he doesn't want to lose you he'll act on it. And it won't hurt if you skip a meeting with him to go on a date with another guy (he won't feel good about it trust me).

FWB are a mind fuck in my opinion. It’s a lot easier for men to walk away after fucking you but often we have that sense of attachment.

I didn’t. In my case it was him who caught the feels and I had to end it.

@CatFan1122 this sounds exactly like my abusive ex and his on / off again girlfriend.

One minute they are together …. the next he is bored of it all and won’t speak with her. Few months ago he said he wanted to introduce her to our children, I advised against it given they keep breaking up …. low and behold they are now off again.

She is such a lovely girl but he drags her back in every time she pulls away. Poor thing works with him as well.

Selfishly, I am so relieved it’s not me going through it.

You will get over this guy and will one day look back on this and realise how lucky you are to NOT be with him xxx

[email protected] I met this lad total fun just a good fwb, we talk and help each other and it’s all good but now I’m moving on and he’s very supportive on my thoughts and I’m looking for a real relationship as he told me too Bcos he’s only 23 and I’m early 30’s soo try something new with someone new but caring

@Redglitter

which to me seems very similar to going out with someone

But that's the whole thing, we don't go out together. Going out etc is exactly what makes it a relationship IMO. We don't have dinner, watch movies, go out etc. That's not what it's about. We meet up, spend a few hours together, have sex, and he goes home

Thank you for explaining. I feel so stupid not understanding it but that makes sense.

@Cowbells

I genuinely don't understand how FWB works. If you are genuinely a good friend with someone and fancy them enough to sleep with - isn't that ideal partner material? Like and lust? If you don't like or fancy them enough to go out with, why sleep with them? How does it work when it works and how is it different from a relationship? It seems a bit degrading to me: they like me/I like them but not enough to actually go out with each other.

I agree with this and I don't get it either.

I've just spent a fabulous week away with a male friend. We don't fancy each other in the least and it was so refreshing to be with a guy with absolutely zero sexual thoughts whatsoever, and not worrying about how I look! If I had shagged him (I wouldn't of course) it would wreck the friendship which I value far too much.

I will never understand FWB. But that is because, I think, I would only sleep with a man I was in love with who loved me back.

@Redglitter

Yours sounds like a FB relationship

It's most definitely not. He's my best friend. We chat lots between visits & when he visits he's here for hours. Were friends first & foremost. We both feel going out for dinner etc starts to blur the lines & is moving more into dating territory.

If one of you got married - let's say him - would he still be your best friend?