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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Wrists grab is this ok

94 replies

Meesechelt · 11/07/2021 23:16

Tonight’s been horrendous. I don’t normally like football but it’s England and it’s history in making I get it either win or lose however since showing that interest it’s just gone a little haywire here but I think I’m being a bit daft ? Or I
Know I’m not being daft but seeking reassurance if honest. There’s now a hole in our bedroom door and my arm was twisted from the wrist. I talk with my hands bbq a lot so gesticulate all the time but me getting excited with the football seemed to make my husband less interested in it. He shouted at me that I’d be calling police etc I don’t see how but why does it have to be that I can’t be excited or have an opinion ?

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 12/07/2021 10:59

Oh love, you sounded like you were in shock last night, and today like you are trying to pretend it didn’t happen. But it did, and will happen again. Please, speak to the police. He is not a good man, he will hurt you worse next time.

Lweji · 12/07/2021 11:02

Of course you will be careful not to get too excited in the future, won't you? Just in case?
You should not be afraid in your own home.

toocold54 · 12/07/2021 11:10

Of course you will be careful not to get too excited in the future, won't you?

Imagine having to be careful of being too excited in your own home!

Someone once said that if you ever feel like you’re walking on egg shells in your relationship then get out immediately!

This is your home, you are an adult - if you want to get excited then do!

MNHQ

DawnMumsnet · 12/07/2021 11:14

Hi Meesechelt,

We can see that you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters and are relieved to hear that things are calmer this morning.

We just wanted to add a link to our domestic violence support webguide as there are lots of organisations listed which can give you some real life help.

A really good starting point would be the Freedom Programme - we know it's helped many MNers over the years so please click on the link.

If you do feel you're in immediate danger again, call 999. If you’re unable to speak to the operator, press 55 to let them know you need help.

Take care

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 12/07/2021 11:32

He has crossed that line.
He will do it again.
And again.
Leave.

me4real · 12/07/2021 12:34

he thinks I’ll call police

That's cos you should hun. x

feel a bit like I am over reacting

No.

MondayYogurt · 12/07/2021 12:59

I hope you can find the strength to report and leave your abuser soon. Don't let him minimise and erase what happened.
You deserve to get excited and wave your arms in your own house without fear of assault or property damage.

Original poster

Meesechelt · 12/07/2021 22:19

Thank you all , I know I’ve not answered all questions or responded specifically to advice . I’m going through comments again . It’s all very odd tonight and strange - I’m always a person who says sorry just as an annoying habit but I feel a deep need to make it up to him but I don’t know what for because there’s not “ thing” or issue . He’s fine or just a bit cold really and I’m just wanting to ask him what on Earth etc yet now just want to say sorry hope you’re ok etc ? In fact I text today asking how his hand must be as it must have hurt. I’m rambling now so I’ll stop but thank you again

OP posts:

Original poster

Meesechelt · 12/07/2021 22:20

**no thing

OP posts:

ineedaholidaynow · 12/07/2021 22:22

Why do you think you should say sorry to him?

username18702 · 12/07/2021 22:29

@Meesechelt

OP have a think about the place you are right now. You want to ask him about his hand after he punched a hole in the wall. He physically assaulted you and you want to make it up to him. Please get some help.

thinkingaboutitall · 13/07/2021 19:59

Yeah op your mindset is truly fucked up

luciles · 13/07/2021 20:06

You need to leave and report this, dare I say, 'man'.

wingingit987 · 13/07/2021 21:08

Op I hope this is t to late but I had a similar experience with my partner during the 2018 World Cup England game he had been drinking I was heavily pregnant at the time and he was smashed. He didn't touch me but he did attempt to square up to me and threw a drink at the wall. I was in utter shock tbh I would have walked out but I was to scared he would just follow me drunk. As soon as he threw the drink he new he had gone to far and I was no saint I was screaming at him but he dared to square up to me.

The next day I went to work early sat in the car and wrote him the longest text message I have ever wrote in my life. I would never put up with anything like that again. In 9 years of being together he's only ever done anything like that once we worked through it but you only get one chance. If he ever does anything like that again he loses everything. Me the house the car the money and most importantly he knows he'll lose the kids.

Lweji · 13/07/2021 22:53

In fact I text today asking how his hand must be as it must have hurt

OMG
Has he even asked about your wrist?

You're worth more.

Original poster

Meesechelt · 15/07/2021 20:13

I know I get how what I wrote looks.. I know I’m stupid. What’s a horrible week but I get that there are so many having more rubbish times out there and that to strangers I’m just someone babbling on the other side .. thank you so much for all relies I am grateful genuinely to have been able to have a sounding board that didn’t know me or jump into action etc .

OP posts:

Original poster

Meesechelt · 15/07/2021 20:14

I meant by jump into action as in interfere physically sorry I know you all jumped into acting by replying .. and nope he hasn’t asked how my wrist and arm are :(

OP posts:

thinkingaboutitall · 15/07/2021 20:18

What’s a horrible week but I get that there are so many having more rubbish times out there

That’s irrelevant, you’re in a dangerous situation. It doesn’t matter if others have it worse, you still need to address this

It’s not acceptable but it would be one thing if he profusely apologised and listened to your POV, significantly changed his behaviour, started taking anger management classes, got the wall/door damaged repaired etc. But he hasn’t done anything, which is concerning.

He’s really trying to either sweep this under the carpet or make it seem like your fault. You can’t live with a wildcard angry loser like this! What will trigger his anger next time? It’s dangerous

Lweji · 15/07/2021 22:09

You're not stupid. I understand from personal experience that it's hard to get up and go based on an event like this. But, also from personal experience, I can tell you that it won't be the last, and that you'll be happier without fear that it will happen again. You deserve to be safe to be yourself and in your home.

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