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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Someone slap me

54 replies

skinnycat89 · 11/07/2021 17:36

So this might be a long one be with my now ex partner for 7 years but over the years he has been cheating with girls online I take him back well I beg himback so I begged him back January we said fresh start and Friday I find out he been messaging a girl he works with and starting messaging m calling me a fat mess and lazy bitch I have 3 children 1 of them is his I also work and do all the housework he would sit on the computer not helping ... he has moved out and am finding it so bloody hard not ring and text and beg him back ... am 32 this year no1 will look twice at me

OP posts:

FlowerArranger · 12/07/2021 09:25

Please believe me: being single is sooooooo much better than being with a good-for-nothing man.

Despite the awful title, reading Women Who Love Too Much would really help you.

Stop begging and build up your self-worth instead.

layladomino · 12/07/2021 09:43

Why on earth would you want him back? Is he kind, caring, hard-working, supportive, shows you he loves you all the time? I think not. It sounds like he's the exact opposite of a good partner.

Calling you lazy when you do everything and he does nothing - he's either thick as s**t or he thinks you are. Either way, he sounds quite pathetic and very unattractive.

You are so much better off without him. Being happily single is a wonderful place to be. And if you want to have a partner, being single means you are open to new opportunities.

And BTW, being nearly 32 so noone will want you anymore?? How offensive is that to us older people??!! I'm in my fifties now and in the best shape of my life. It is far from over at 32!!!!!

FootieFever22 · 12/07/2021 12:15

You can meet someone else however you look .. lots of people why look all sorts of ways get into relationships.

Your success in relationships depends on the character of the bloke you get involved with, not your looks.

That's why some of the women considered most beautiful in the media have strings of unsuccessful relationships,; Marilyn Monroe, Halle Berry, Kylie minogue, Cheryl Cole etc.

FootieFever22 · 12/07/2021 12:17

You're also still v young.

And if you want to improve your looks, you can. Taking up activity/sport for example. Eating healthier food.

But no matter what you change, you won't change him - he's a dickhead and bastard so try to recover and move on.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/07/2021 15:28

You're 32, not 92!!!

Loads of people don't meet their partners until their 30s and beyond. Absolutely loads.

This man is an absolute waste of space and you'll be so much happier without him as a 'partner'. I promise.

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 12/07/2021 16:09

Thanks everyone ... I don't why I miss him I really don't I just had this horrible feeling in my stomach and can't stop myself from crying I go sit in the bathroom so the kids don't see me ... like I said I need a slap x

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 12/07/2021 16:13

I don't why I miss him I really don't

Because he represents 'partner' to you, and you put all your worth into being in the position of 'having a partner'.

How do you feel about single people? Do you think it's admirable to be single and happy, or do you think it's more a case of pretending to be happy, and not realising what you're missing by not having a partner? Could you hold someone in high esteem, for example, if they chose to be single?

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 12/07/2021 16:23

I don't no how I feel about single I just don't like the idea of it some of my friends are single and are very very happy ... I just feel like he was my soulmate and I feel like my heart been torn apart xx

OP posts:

FootieFever22 · 12/07/2021 16:28

It's normal to go through sadness, panic, bitterness, anger, pessimism etc when a relationship ends. Esp when it was a serious one in which you've had children. You're human.

Bit at the end of the day he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and even if he did - he's a shit partner and person by the sounds of it. You're better out of it. You'll recover and you'll.move on.

FootieFever22 · 12/07/2021 16:29

Your soul mate wouldn't treat you badly.

TheFoundations · 12/07/2021 16:40

@skinnycat89

Do you understand that it's up to you to decide how to live your life?

Motherofalittledragon · 12/07/2021 16:42

Crikey get some self respect, he doesn't sound like a great catch.

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 12/07/2021 16:58

I no I keep telling myself move on you deserve better .. and really need to get some self respect I no I do those ladies who have been threw anything similar did use do anything to take your mind of things my friends just keep saying to get over someone get under someone else lol xx

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 12/07/2021 17:56

Do you know how to go about getting self respect, @skinnycat89?

Nicolastuffedone · 12/07/2021 18:08

Not sure I’d take your friends advice right now 🥴

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 12/07/2021 18:23

No I don't no how to go about getting it to be honest ... and yeah I think they only say it to make me laugh about things xx

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 12/07/2021 18:31

@skinnycat89

No I don't no how to go about getting it to be honest ... and yeah I think they only say it to make me laugh about things xx

It's quite a big project. It'll take you a bit of time and build incrementally, so you might not notice it starting until it's got bigger - you know, like a seed germinates under the ground but you don't know it's doing anything until it sprouts above the soil. While you're doing the project, you won't really have much time to focus on silly stuff like boys.

The first step is to start noticing things that other people do that you think are amazing. You can spend a couple/few weeks on this. My list had things like running marathons, playing an instrument, knowing about history, donating blood, public speaking... that sort of stuff. You write your list down. It won't all come at once. Things will crop up when you see people do them or talk about them.

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 12/07/2021 18:47

Aww that's a great yeah am going to start a list see and just focus on my kids and try forget about him .. and stop acting so bloody needy as am very much a person who needs to love and wanted but am going to try change that xx

OP posts:

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 13/07/2021 12:15

Am still not feeling any better I literally feel like crying all the bloody time :( I don't even no why I post on here as like people have said only I can change things

OP posts:

Longdistance · 13/07/2021 12:24

Here’s a virtual slap 👏
Now, he was a rotten egg and you don’t need him in your life. Every time you feel that pit of a stomach feeling think of that awful text he sent the ow. You’re certainly not lazy, he’s a lazy one. Make sure your finances are separate and claim everything you can including CM.

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 13/07/2021 12:28

Aha thank you for the slap I need it ... I just feel so low like I can't get him out my bloody head xx

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 13/07/2021 12:31

You are posting here for the same reason you want him back. You have a desperate need to feel that someone is listening. Even if they don't give you the response you want, it's still better to get a response, than no response at all.

I'd bet my motorbike and my piano that when you were little, your parents made you feel like your feelings were of very little importance indeed, and you were told to 'be quiet', 'shut up', 'don't be silly', etc on a regular basis, even when you were genuinely upset about things.

Am I barking up the wrong tree? Do you get responses here and think 'Oh, thank god, somebody's answered!' even before you read what they have to say?

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 13/07/2021 13:45

No my parents were amazing I had such a good up bringing so yeah barking up the wrong tree ... maybe I just like have people to talk to and yes I am sad yes I am upset that is aloud right ? I just feel like bursting into tears all the time is that aloud ?

OP posts:

TheFoundations · 13/07/2021 13:51

is that aloud

You sound like you feel oppressed.

Original poster

skinnycat89 · 13/07/2021 15:45

What's does that mean?

OP posts:

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