Regular user gone anon for this.
Background - DH & I together 25 years this year, had a rough few years about 10 years ago put but it behind us and moved on. Since then everything seemed okay however DH always had a better social life than I with multiple male and female friends.
Anyways I was sure there was nothing in it (had been there before 11 years ago and agreed if it happened again it was over). I the nature of his business he is in contact with 100s of people and has them all on his social media and phone book. So anyways Christmas eve sitting on laptop chatting to a friend when a message popped up from (let's call her Mary - one of said friends) Mary's husband to tell me that my Dh and her were having an affair for over 3 years that he had thought was finished in September but he found some texts the night before and he reckoned DH should be pulled too. When I questioned him back for proof he wouldn't provide any saying he was working on his marriage.
So I went to her and DH, she says it was just a few silly texts he said it was absolutely nothing, she's just a friend who gets him lots of work. Then her and her partner blocked me on facebook which I thought was weird but he kept saying it was cause there was nothing in it.
Fast forward about 3/4 months and I was constantly suspicious - anyway phone never leaves is side at all, but this particularly evening it was in the kitchen so I looked and took screen shots.
Coversation between the two of them went like this :
Him : Put an order into tesco for drink and asked if she (me) wanted a bottle and she picked 6;
her: Who narky
Him: Who else
Her: greedy fucky
Him: yeah 6 bottles probably just for tonight;
Her: Hows your sexlife
Him: had to Sunday
Her Enjoy: HA HA Had Too; give over you love it;
Him: No really its a job when you don't want to:
Her: You still not fancying her so:
Him: No not at all;
Her: Ah you need a good seeing to:
Him : Know anyone :): ) :)
After I took the pictures I confronted him, where he said he was deeply sorry but it was just a joke between friends, but I don't think it's funny or approrpirate.
We have fought over it for weeks with me checking his phone.
He goes the pub every Thursday and she does be there, last Thursday I had a night out that was finishing early so told him I'd call but but didn't. He must've been terrified cos he was in foul humuour all friday too saying he didn't want me showing up in the pub making a fool of him.
Started saying I drink too much, and dragging up things we argued about 20 years ago.
I can't tell anyone about this IRL cos my closed friend has cancer and I don't want to discuss it with anyone else but I feel like I'm going mad.
He's such a charmer when out and a sulk when at home, does nothing around the house and moans constantly but everyone loves him so I'm the nightmare.
I'm not sure anyone if I'm going mad, being gaslighted or just been the laughing stock of the pair of them.
I suppose I'm just looking for people's honest opinions as the constant conversations in my head are wearing me out.