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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What has happened here?

68 replies

pangolina · 11/07/2021 01:58

OH and I have just spent a fun night at our BIL and SIL's having dinner and drinks. We decided to walk home. About 2 minutes into our walk he said "why are you walking in the road" (in a completely empty cul de sac at 1am) I said there were no cars coming, what difference does it make. He starts snapping at me to walk faster, I ask him what is wrong, and he starts accusing me of being an aggressive drunk (i've had 3 glasses of wine and am tipsy but in no way drunk). He stops in the street, refuses to tell me why he is so cross insists on calling a taxi. It takes a while to arrive during which time he accuses me of failing to have called ot correctly (?) and saying he doesn't ever want to go out with me if I'm drinking again. When the taxi arrived, he put me in it and then said he was walking home. We literally had no cross words all night, have been drunk together many times in our 20 yrs together...wtf?

OP posts:
pangolina · 11/07/2021 01:59

Eta I am now home in bed and SO angry and confused. He is nof home yet

OP posts:
stellaisabella · 11/07/2021 02:02

In my experience you don't realise how annoying you are when drinking/drunk. Get some sleep and talk tomorrow when you're sober.

Mediumred · 11/07/2021 02:05

Ughhh, that is so weird, dunno OP, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong, had he had a lot to drink, is he controlling, could he be trying to get rid of you so he can go somewhere on his own, or could it just be a total one-off misunderstanding? See if he turns up in the 20 mins, I would be very unhappy about being ‘put in the taxi’, that really does sound controlling.

pangolina · 11/07/2021 02:08

Honestly I am really confused. Maybe I was being annoying but I'm not sure. I'm not drunk, I literally had 3 glasses of wine.
He spent most of the night playing with my nieces and nephews and tbh I have often noticed he gets a bit sniffy if I have more than one drink

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 11/07/2021 02:09

Double bolt the front door. Problem solved. Grin

Carrott21 · 11/07/2021 02:14

You said or did something to piss him off over dinner, or somebody said something? It doesn't matter anyway. Don't engage at all. Especially not tonight.

emptyempire · 11/07/2021 02:22

I think you were drunk!

Carrott21 · 11/07/2021 02:27

The op is allowed to be drunk without this behaviour from him though!

emptyempire · 11/07/2021 02:36

Agreed, but drunk and unreasonable, I'd want to walk home and not have to deal with her too.

chickenyhead · 11/07/2021 02:41

Doesn't seem like a post written by someone drunk.

Hmmmm

pangolina · 11/07/2021 03:01

I don't feel like I was drunk or unreasonable but am perfectly willing to accept that he felt I was. It just seems odd that he couldn't articulate what it was that I said/ did other than walk in the road!
Anyway, I've heard him arrive home and he is downstairs watching a film so I'm going to go to sleep and see what happens in the morning!

OP posts:
avamiah · 11/07/2021 03:20

Carrott21,
Yes you are right and I agree with you.
OP doesn’t come across as drunk in her post but so what if she was a little bit as she isn’t committing a crime or being verbally abusive or throwing up in the street, she was having a family dinner and drinks and is no home in her bed.
In my opinion OH was angry/ pissed off with somebody else or something and was taking it out on OP which she didn’t deserve from what she has told us.
Totally unacceptable in my opinion

Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan · 11/07/2021 03:38

3 glasses is a whole bottle....I'd be drunk

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 11/07/2021 03:41

No it's not. I thought it was 6 glasses in a bottle but Google says 5. Depends how big they are I suppose.

chickenyhead · 11/07/2021 03:42

Even if she was legless and staggering, which she wasn't, his behaviour in trying to shame her is frankly controlling.

A reasonable man would have ordered a cab and made sure she got home fine.

chickenyhead · 11/07/2021 03:43

Not walked off in an immature sulk.

Pathetic.

avamiah · 11/07/2021 03:51

chickenyhead
Yes I agree ,
In my opinion he sounds like a pig but this is just my opinion .

MouldyPotato · 11/07/2021 06:21

I'd talk to him today about it and see what his problem was. Your posting seems very coherent but maybe you get really loud and shouty after 3 glasses? If he'd had a drink too it might also have clouded his judgement.

QueSeraSarah · 11/07/2021 06:26

How bizarre!

Sally2791 · 11/07/2021 06:31

Very odd. Did he have somewhere else he wanted to be?

Eesha · 11/07/2021 06:32

You probably don't realise how bad you come across when drunk and he was embarrassed of you. He clearly doesn't like you drinking. It's up to you whether you are ok with that dynamic.

tintin13 · 11/07/2021 06:40

It could be that he didn't like something you did but he shouldn't react like that ffs.
He should've waited until the next day and tell you then what was it that bothered him and not ruin your evening.

Hope everything works out OP.

tintin13 · 11/07/2021 06:41

Oh and from the way you were writing and answering in this post I also don't think you were drunk.

pangolina · 11/07/2021 07:41

Thank you for all the replies. I will talk to him when he gets up and see what was wrong.

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 11/07/2021 07:48

Is he jealous and controlling in other ways op ? It sounds like you were having a nice time and he didn't like that .

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