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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What has happened here?

68 replies

pangolina · 11/07/2021 01:58

OH and I have just spent a fun night at our BIL and SIL's having dinner and drinks. We decided to walk home. About 2 minutes into our walk he said "why are you walking in the road" (in a completely empty cul de sac at 1am) I said there were no cars coming, what difference does it make. He starts snapping at me to walk faster, I ask him what is wrong, and he starts accusing me of being an aggressive drunk (i've had 3 glasses of wine and am tipsy but in no way drunk). He stops in the street, refuses to tell me why he is so cross insists on calling a taxi. It takes a while to arrive during which time he accuses me of failing to have called ot correctly (?) and saying he doesn't ever want to go out with me if I'm drinking again. When the taxi arrived, he put me in it and then said he was walking home. We literally had no cross words all night, have been drunk together many times in our 20 yrs together...wtf?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/07/2021 07:51

Why did he take so long to get home? He sounds horrible actually.

Battytwatty · 11/07/2021 07:54

Sounds to me that he was pissed off with you for some reasons and picked a fight.
3 glasses of wine IS NOT a lot at all unless you are an inexperienced drinker.
Perhaps check with the others first to see if they noticed him being ‘off’ during the evening.

snowwhit3 · 11/07/2021 08:00

If he thought she was so drunk she wasn't in a fit state to walk home surely he shouldn't be bundling her in a taxi and bundling her off alone, for him then to walk to that same location. If I was ever that drunk, I'd like to think my DP of 20 years might be a little more caring and want to make sure I was ok.

However , she hardly seems drunk. Maybe she's tipsy but if she can sit and write an articulate post for Mumsnet so doubt she was falling about down the street, embarrassing him etc?

Templetreebloom · 11/07/2021 08:06

Hmmm sounds like he created the situation so he could go off on his own.
Does he do drugs OP ?

ILoveYou3000 · 11/07/2021 08:07

He was quite clearly pissed off because you didn't instantly do what you were told in getting out of the road, instead you dared disagree with him and made him look stupid by pointing out a cul-de-sac at 1am is hardly a dangerous place to walk in the road.

Had he had a drink too @pangolina

pangolina · 11/07/2021 08:09

No, he doesn't do drugs and it took him a while to get home because it's about a 3 mile walk. I've not really slept very much and I just feel horrible.

OP posts:
category12 · 11/07/2021 08:09

If you're a problem drinker(?), maybe he has reason to overreact to you drinking? If you have a history of getting out of hand while drunk, or you have a dependence, I mean.

Otherwise it seems like he was picking a fight and wanted to send you home ahead of him for some reason.

pangolina · 11/07/2021 08:10

He had had maybe 3 beers and one or two cocktails.
It's just baffling that he was so annoyed yet couldn't tell me why.

OP posts:
blackcurrantjam · 11/07/2021 08:15

This is very bizarre. 3 glasses is really not alot. Especially by 1am. It sounds horrible. Maybe you did say something earlier Confused but it's weird that he couldn't just say whatever it was.

pangolina · 11/07/2021 08:17

Yeah, we got there at 6.30pm so this was spread over all that time. Most odd.

OP posts:
blackcurrantjam · 11/07/2021 08:20

How old is he? Ime weird things like this can be the beginning of something

pangolina · 11/07/2021 08:22

He is 41

OP posts:
tanstaafl · 11/07/2021 08:23

Reverse?

category12 · 11/07/2021 08:24

Are you a problem drinker, op?

pangolina · 11/07/2021 08:24

No, not a reverse

OP posts:
pangolina · 11/07/2021 08:25

No i'm not, I rarely drink at all, only when socialising and not very much even then.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 11/07/2021 08:26

If you were really drunk the taxi driver would have refused to take you home no one allows a drunk in there car it is literally there livelihood

category12 · 11/07/2021 08:29

@Theunamedcat

If you were really drunk the taxi driver would have refused to take you home no one allows a drunk in there car it is literally there livelihood
That's clearly nonsense, my dd got poured into a cab only last night, (thank goodness). Getting drunk people home is literally their livelihood.

Not saying op was drunk like that, but taxi drivers not driving drunk people is bollocks.

Doublestar · 11/07/2021 08:29

He wasn't popping to his OW's house on his way home was he?

Sounds like he wanted to get rid of you for some reason...

Does he usually behave like this when you've had a drink? It sounds very controlling.

Cockenspiel · 11/07/2021 08:31

clutching at straws
Did he grow up with any problem drinkers? Have exes who were alcoholics or something along those lines?
Confused

beastlyslumber · 11/07/2021 08:35

Even if you were legless, he's no right to talk to you that way. He is supposed to be your partner and take care of you. Is he like this often, OP? He sounds controlling and unkind.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 11/07/2021 08:36

Even if you were drunk, (and I don’t think you were)a decent man would make sure you got home safe. Something smells here op.

WildfirePonie · 11/07/2021 08:39

Hmmmm..... i bet you're walking on eggshells now and will think twice about having a drink when with him.
Gaslighting, control, abusive.

Journeynotdestination · 11/07/2021 08:40

Weird!! I’d be hugely pissed off that he treated me like that. But sounds like something ticked him off. See what he says when he wakes up. So he didn’t drink anything? Or just has a problem if you do?!

EarringsandLipstick · 11/07/2021 08:43

@category12

Are you a problem drinker, op?
🙄🙄

I mean, seriously.

OP wrote several cogent clear posts so was clearly not drunk.

It is disgraceful that her 'D'P thought it was ok to decide she needed a taxi & put her in it. She's an adult. He doesn't get to instruct her or more or less force her to do something.