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Original poster

He still lives with his Mum

68 replies

sheilashout · 09/07/2021 20:16

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. All going well but there's one thing that bothers me - he still lives at home with his Mum. We're both mid 30s. Am I just being unfair for thinking this could be a problem if we moved in together eventually? He's never lived on his own!

OP posts:
TripleSeptic · 09/07/2021 21:12

It entirely depends on his reasons. Is he an unemployed dope smoker who can't be arsed, or is he a careful saver who paid his mum "keep" to help her pay off the last bit of her mortgage to help her feel secure and independent. My husband was 37 when we married and he left home. He was the second scenario, his dad left when he was a teen, his mum worked 3 jobs to keep 3 kids with no support, and he stayed and helped her and they lived like housemates.

ThePurplePalace · 09/07/2021 23:56

It would bother me but it depends on your type. I find independent men appealing but if you’re the nurturing time then it could be fine.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 09/07/2021 23:59

Agree with @Triplesec

Paddling654 · 10/07/2021 00:01

I wouldn't entertain this.

danadas · 10/07/2021 00:10

I went straight from parents to living with partner BUT I was 18/19. It would bother me for someone in their 30s. I don't know why; it just seems weird.

Pinkchocolate · 10/07/2021 00:18

My DH was living with his mum until we got together in his early thirties, it suited him at the time. It’s never been an issue. He’s always been very independent and self sufficient. If that’s the only thing bothering you then I’d give this guy a chance.

BigBitchyBertha · 10/07/2021 00:22

This reply has been deleted

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Susannahmoody · 10/07/2021 01:13

Does he work off shore of something?

I dated a guy in his 20s who lived with his parents, massive turnoff. We split up. I bumped into him YEARS later and he was still 'at mam and dads'. He was a policeman!

Bottom line, where will you have sex!?

GrimDamnFanjo · 10/07/2021 01:56

It would depend on how self sufficient someone is.
Can he cook, do washing, pay bills and other adult stuff?
Or does his mum still parent him?
I'd just start noting how independent he really is. You don't want to have to train him to adult if you got to the living together stage.

itsme · 10/07/2021 02:07

My ex lived with his parents, he was 31 when we split after a 2 year relationship. It wasn't the be all for me- I lived on my own with my dd. Ex came over a lot, contributed to my food shop and utilities. He was part way through his degree when we met and working full time. I didn't think any less of him, everyone has their own reasons. I'm friends with his sister and he moved out 2 years after we split and in with his current gf.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 10/07/2021 02:54

Just no.
Bin.

rosalie11 · 10/07/2021 04:26

No please I made this mistake and now can’t get rid of it!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2021 04:57

I would run like hell. A man in his thirties still living with mum? Fuck no.

GCAcademic · 10/07/2021 04:58

That would be a no from me,

July2mebabywouldJuly2me · 10/07/2021 05:06

God you lot are weird!
Living with his mum doesn't make him Norman Bates.

CharlieSocial · 10/07/2021 05:13

Loser

strawberrydonuts · 10/07/2021 06:01

In most circumstances yes this would definitely bother me, especially as you say he has never lived on his own, so it's not just a temporary thing.

To me, there is something inherently unattractive about someone who has never had the drive to move out or become independent. There would have to be a very good reason for it for me to find someone like this attractive.

Do you know why he is still living with her?

DukeofEarlGrey · 10/07/2021 06:17

Hmm. I live in a part of the UK with astronomical house prices and know a few people (myself included) who needed a stint at home (paying their way proportionately and living as adults) to stand any chance of ever saving enough to get on the property ladder and out of the terminal renting cycle. Most people I know who went straight from education to financial ‘independence’ were those whose parents gave them handouts! At the same time, he is in his thirties and I’ve also known a few who were definitely questionable in their actual sense of responsibility / drive to be independent. I would be open-minded but ready to move on if he doesn’t seem like an actual grown up.

LittleBlackCat22 · 10/07/2021 06:23

No way. The only person I have ever met who lives with their parents last the age of 22 is my weird uncle who lived with my grandparents until he was 40.

Yummymummy2020 · 10/07/2021 06:27

Without getting handouts as said above if you want to own a home nowadays a lot of people do have to stay home longer. I had to till I was 32 to save and help out with money at home as I couldn’t rent and essentially pay it in two places on my income. I’m out now and renting and very independent although not living alone as such. So I don’t think it’s a necessarily a bad thing to be honest. But it does depend on him if he couldn’t turn a washing machine on and his mum makes his bed that would be very different!

Roblox01 · 10/07/2021 06:30

There's always something. If it's not a red flag then it'll be something more peripheral.
Honestly if you like the guy keep seeing him.

JustAnotherOldMan · 10/07/2021 06:36

What was the reason for not leaving home ?
Or has he left and returned at some point?

Shoxfordian · 10/07/2021 06:52

Does his mum do everything for him? because that’ll be you if you live together

cariadlet · 10/07/2021 06:58

I went to uni when I was 18 and only ever went home for holidays. I was living in shared houses, hundreds of miles from my parents once I graduated.

I met my dp when we were in our late 20s and he still lived at with his parents. I did think it was a bit weird because I didn't know anybody else who did that. Tbh, I think he was a bit of a lazy sod who had a cushy life and didn't see the need to move out.

But we've been together over 20 years with no major problems.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 10/07/2021 07:07

anything else you arent sure about?
his living situation is his living situation, is he saving?