He still lives with his Mum

[sheilashout]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. All going well but there's one thing that bothers me - he still lives at home with his Mum. We're both mid 30s. Am I just being unfair for thinking this could be a problem if we moved in together eventually? He's never lived on his own!

All these people who stay with mum and dad until they can afford to buy a house- buying a house wasn't even on my agenda when I was young- getting out in the world under my own steam and being independent and free was all I cared about.

My db is 48. Lives at home, but has ended up being dm carer. He moved back after university and never really left. He started saving for a house deposit, then my df fell ill and he never left.
I must say, he does pay his way. He does all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, DIY, gardening and cares for dm. He’s currently WFH which suits him.

My father had been living with his mother for about 7 years when he was in his 40s and met my mother. He was one of the most independent and responsible men I have ever known. He had moved on his own across the Atlantic at the age of 18 and also served in Intelligence behind enemy lines in WW2.
People are complicated.

My DS lives at home he’s 28
I don’t take rent off him as he’s saving
He’s also not NT but he works full time
( 12 hr shifts ) at a UNI earns a decent wage but both him and I see no reason for him to move out and pay rent

It would just be somewhere to sleep
He has his own car and he is in a relationship which suits him
I rarely see him as he is sleeping or working

OP what's your situation?

Sounds like he's also got baggage. If I was just looking to date but not move in with him he might be OK but I couldn't see a future with him.

I’m totally with you on the never running his own house. Paying board and keeping your room tidy is no where near paying bills, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, maintaining a home and garden. Does he do anything around the house, does he look after his son or does his DM, what other responsibilities does he have?

For me, it would be a no go: I want somebody independent. Having a good relationship with his mother is nice but depending on her in his 30s? No thanks

I find it interesting how women manage to move out of their parents and survive but somehow so many men can't.

@sheilashout

To answer a few questions -

He gives his mum money each month to contribute towards bills.
He doesn't seem to cook dinner, just on the odd occasion, his Mum does it mainly.
Cleans his own room but doesn't do the rest of the house.
I think he does his own washing.

He moved out into his ex girlfriend's house for the 2 years they were together but moved back home when they split up. That was 3 years ago. Says he's saving money but doesn't look like he's even attempted to look at renting somewhere of his own.

His 7 year old son has his own room at the house. He does parent his child from what I can tell, he doesn't seem like he's leaving it up to his mum.

It does worry me that he's never had to deal with running a house before.

Run... he is one of those man child people .. Let's his mom cook clean and do his wife work.. and everything else required and part of being a grown up... it doesn't seem very attractive

Grammar typos.... the shame 🤯😅

@Monty27 I bought my house when I was 23, and am still here!

Agree with PPs that say it would depend lots of other factors for me. I'm very independent so it would put me off tbh. But the only man I know that still lives with his parents is nearly 40, unemployed with no desire to change and women still occasionally have sex with him...

My DD and I live with my parents - I'm 37. It isn't forever but it was when I started retraining. It's worked brilliantly, has enabled me to go to university and personally I don't see it as an issue!

Has he only moved out when in a relationship? Has he ever owned a place?

I think you'll have different values longterm.

Each to their own but there's no way I'd even date a man who still lived with his parents.

I'm a single mum so if I can stand on my own two feet and pay rent and bills plus be a parent and provide for my child then at the very least I want a man who lives as an adult.

I Had "one that got away" for this reason. He moved out a year later (at 38), and bought a house mortgage free with all the money he'd saved. I really missed a trick there!

@Fireflygal Yes he's only moved out when been in a relationship and never had his own place, rented or mortgage.