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Original poster

Why can't he just be a friend?

60 replies

breadandshine · 09/07/2021 17:38

Fell in love with a guy had a good time up until it all went to shit.
He wasn't a great boyfriend,many issues,treated me like shit.

We ended it before and said let's be friends,met up as friends and both attracted to each other and slept together and started it up again.
He did something which basically there was no coming back from and we wouldn't work.

I still would loved to have tried a friendship.
He didn't want that.
He was happy to text me and ring me but wouldn't meet me in the flesh (no idea why )
I still had feelings but I knew we couldn't be together (too much water under that bridge )
After 8 months he cut me off no contact at all.
(Bare in mind he is still friends with all of his ex's including fwb)
I'm literally the only one he can't even be friends with now apparently.

I know he is dating other people and so am I (starting early days relationship)
I would have liked a friendship with him.
Why can't he just be my friend ?
We both know we can't ever be together so surely that's better than wasting years of us being close.
I wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't friends with all his ex's

I don't understand it do you?

OP posts:
blissfulllife · 09/07/2021 17:43

He doesn't want to be friends because he's still attracted to you. But you know that don't you

WeatherSystems · 09/07/2021 17:43

You’re asking the wrong question. It’s not that he ‘can’t’ be your friend. He doesn’t want to be your friend.

FunMcCool · 09/07/2021 17:46

He doesn’t owe you anything. You both tried it didn’t work. He doesn’t owe you friendship.

Original poster
breadandshine · 09/07/2021 17:49

He has over 1000 people on his Facebook.
Random folk
Women he has dated/slept with etc etc
Yet deleted me and now apparently can't be friends.
Before he deleted me on fb he told me had hidden my profile so he didn't see me.
It's just hurtful

OP posts:
YarnOver · 09/07/2021 17:53

You're being quite disrespectful tbh. YOU want to be friends and are deciding that because he is friends with other exes and 1000 people on fb then he is somehow required to be your friend.

He doesn't want to be your friend and as much as you understandably may not like that, you cannot make someone be friends with you.

You need to respect his wishes I'm afraid.

Original poster
breadandshine · 09/07/2021 17:56

No
I'm saying we had been "friends " for 8 months after we split then all of a sudden I'm not good enough to be a "friend"
No arguments
No nothing
There was times we would start flirting without even realising and then we would realise then stop talking for a few days etc
Then boom..not even worthy of a friendship

OP posts:
YarnOver · 09/07/2021 17:59

I repeat...

He doesn't want to be you're friend now.

You need to respect that.

Original poster
breadandshine · 09/07/2021 18:00

If you were friends with someone then all of a sudden didn't want to be friends ?
You wouldn't be clueless
You wouldn't wonder what the hell you had done.
There's a reason clearly

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 09/07/2021 18:01

Why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you "like shit"?

blissfulllife · 09/07/2021 18:03

I'm starting to see why he doesn't want to be your friend. You come across as a bit obsessive. Leave him be

blissfulllife · 09/07/2021 18:04

Oh hang on I get it...you want someone to come along and tell you he's actually madly in love with you or finds you too irresistible to just be friends with. There you go.

Umberellatheweatha · 09/07/2021 18:05

Why the fuck would you ever want to be friends with a man who 'treated you like shit' when he was your bf anyway?

Have some standards.

Flugbusterbackagain · 09/07/2021 18:06

Honestly why do you need this man's validation? Like why do you actually care what he thinks?

Like pp said he doesn't want to be your friend, you should respect that. Not respecting that makes you seem needy and desperate.

Concentrate on your new relationship - how would you feel if your new man was obsessing about someone he used to sleep with?

AmandaHugenkiss · 09/07/2021 18:06

He’s decided he doesn’t want to be friends with you. He doesn’t need a reason. You don’t both get it a say in it, it’s his decision.

I get it sucks, especially when still hurting from a breakup. I’d suggest you block him on everything and remember that you don’t need him in your life to validate it. It doesn’t mean your time was wasted if you don’t stay friends. It’s just a bit of your life you move on from.

Original poster
breadandshine · 09/07/2021 18:07

@blissfulllife no I want to know what I did wrong that was so bad... he can be friends with anyone but someone he has spent years with.
He can just discard me like that
It's hurtful
I didn't want to get back with him,I did want his friendship tho.

OP posts:
YarnOver · 09/07/2021 18:08

This is a very pointless thread OP. You are going to argue back with random and unsubstantiated reasons why you think he should be friends with you, until someone tells you that yes he should be friends with you.

I don't know you, I don't know him, but you sound like you're being obsessive and the bottom line is, for whatever reason he doesn't now wish to be friends with you and you need to respect that

xsquared · 09/07/2021 18:08

I asked this very same question many years ago, but realised I was just banging my head against a brick wall.

This guy doesn't want to be your friend. He treated you like shit so the respect part isn't even there and why would you want to be friends with someone like that?

Find your self respect and stop asking why he won't be your friend.

He is not even good enough to be your friend, and you need to respect the fact that he doesn't want to be your friend.

In time you will look back on this episode and wonder what the hell you saw in him.

Original poster
breadandshine · 09/07/2021 18:08

I don't think I'm desperate at all.
It's not like I'm banging on his door asking to be his friend.
I'm just trying to get my head around his thinking.
I would rather have had him in my life in some capacity than nothing

OP posts:
YarnOver · 09/07/2021 18:10

@breadandshine

I don't think I'm desperate at all. It's not like I'm banging on his door asking to be his friend. I'm just trying to get my head around his thinking. I would rather have had him in my life in some capacity than nothing
He doesn't want that though.

You have to respect that.

And as we don't know either of you we can't tell you what he's thinking.

ahoyshipmates · 09/07/2021 18:10

Why do you want to be friends with someone who treated you so badly? Is it simply because he's friends with everybody else and you feel left out?

What on Earth is the point?

Original poster
breadandshine · 09/07/2021 18:10

When I look at his profile and he is friends with the random barmaid he was cheating on me with ..then hiding my profile then finally deleting me.
I don't get it.

OP posts:
YarnOver · 09/07/2021 18:14

I deleted, cut off and blocked two female friends for being obsessive like this.

category12 · 09/07/2021 18:16

How about you stop and ask yourself why the fuck you want to be "friends" with someone who treated you like shit?

Take his decision not to keep in contact with you as a gift.

You aren't friends, you never were friends, and you're better off without him in your life.

Move on.

Flugbusterbackagain · 09/07/2021 18:18

Why do you need him in your life?

I was with my ex for 10 yrs. We don't speak anymore, which I find sad sometimes, but it's for the best.

Just don't really understand why you need him in your life when you presumably have other friends and even a new man?

xsquared · 09/07/2021 18:36

@breadandshine

When I look at his profile and he is friends with the random barmaid he was cheating on me with ..then hiding my profile then finally deleting me. I don't get it.
He is hardly a catch is he? He is playing mind games with you, and keeping you in a state of confusion.

Maybe he likes it that you are trying to chase him to be friends because it gives him an ego boost? Maybe he knows it wouldn't be fair on either of you to remain friends because of your history together.

Does any of this matter really? As for rather having him in your life in some capacity than nothing at all. Ask yourself why? What does this person add to your life? You've already said he treated you like shit, so there is no respect there which means no friendship, at last not a healthy one anyway.

He has 100s of FB friends, which isn't the same as RL friends.