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Original poster

Checking partners phone

81 replies

MumsTheWord1010 · 04/07/2021 15:51

I dont always do it but something just came over me and I looked at my partners phone when he was in the shower. There was a message from an unknown number with a local address saying" I'm now here" it was 11 o clock that the message was received on a night he was out at his friend's, He got in about 11.40 that night. I checked the number on Google and it's an escort. I'm currently pregnant with our 2nd baby and we also have a 6 month old, we are very intimate , I have no idea why he would stray.. he says it was just a random message.. but would they send you their address if it was a random message . I've cried my heart out over this , he's completely denied it all. I'd just like to know the truth so I can deal with it but he says he doesn't know how he got the message . I want to believe him but it's just so unbelieve.. what do you think. He's not young , he's in his 50s tia

OP posts:
AbstractEim · 05/07/2021 07:57

Instead of spending the day listening to his lies he needs to look after the toddler while you contact your midwife, speak to friends and family for support and go to a GUM clinic to get tested for STIs.

Ginmonkey84 · 05/07/2021 08:21

I’m so sorry OP but he’s lied from the outset and now he’s trying to minimise what he’s done. I mean if having handjobs with condoms on is something he’s into with you then fair enough but I very much doubt it. He’s a liar.

baileys6904 · 05/07/2021 10:12

Sorry, but why do people think it's OK telling what the OP what to do, and having a dig when she doesn't do it instantly, rather than supporting the OP with what she wants to do, on her timescales. The poor lass is probably still in shock

OP, if or when you leave, you will be OK. You have onky have one life and so be choosy who you allow it to be spent with. Spend it with the person that deserves it

Crikeyalmighty · 05/07/2021 10:22

OP, I think you know this is not a one off sadly— it’s probably something he has always done

Calmyertits · 05/07/2021 10:33

Hes fessed up to something as minimal as he thinks can get away with, hes already lied out of his ass and only said that because he was backed up into a corner caught out. Off he goes!

Mountaingoatling · 05/07/2021 10:39

What do you mean couldn't see anything? If you've turned location history off then it won't log your locations.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 05/07/2021 10:48

He didn’t come clean, he was forced to confess as you had found out the truth for yourself.
These lying cheating wankers just deny deny deny, they don’t have the guts or the decency to come clean. They are totally disgusting.I doubt very much it was a hand job with a Condom , he’s giving you what he perceives to be the easiest to brush off. You know, it wasn’t sex as such , it wasn’t even oral.
He’s going to spend the whole day talking things through with you, aka minimising,twisting the truth , making himself the victim.
It is entirely up to you what you chose to do with the information you have but just know this with 100% certainty- He WILL do it again, they always do , only next time he will be much more careful about deleting any evidence .

girlmom21 · 05/07/2021 10:53

I can't believe any man would pay for a hand job when they're on their way home anyway. Surely you just sort yourself out when you get back if? It'd be more comfortable without a condom anyway wouldn't it?

I'm sorry OP.

WantingToWonder · 05/07/2021 11:09

Unfortunately it will be bullshit. You will never trust this man again.

Honestly, do yourself a favour and just get rid of the disgusting pig now.

'Just' a hand job. Yeah right.

everyonebutme · 05/07/2021 11:22

I really, really feel for you. I've been in a similar situation. I stayed for a long time but could never trust him again. Our relationship was ruined. I stayed for my children really. I'm so sorry for you.

IsItJustMeOrYou · 05/07/2021 11:36

How can you be sure it's not more BS?

If his lips are moving then it's BS

Sakurami · 05/07/2021 11:43

That's awful op. And 'just' a hand job is still a leaving offence isn't it??

Onthedunes · 05/07/2021 12:14

Christ, if he was that desperate to fit this in within a half an hour of getting home what the hell has he been capable of in the past ?

It's truly awful for you, not to mention dangerous for your mental and sexual health. I would seriously think about removing this man from your life, you deserve better, just as his ex wife did.

These men don't change it is engrained in their DNA to use women, he will use you, .... sex, cleaning, housekeeping, the child just keeps you in situ.

This will happen time and time again why put up with that from an aging 50 year old, please find someone who will respect you.

minnimiss · 05/07/2021 12:55

The fact is you only know because you caught him out.... this time! And even then he tried denying it at first. How many others have there been? Or would there have been? What he has done is disgusting, and he has broken the trust in your relationship forever. Please know your worth and leave him. You will be better off without him in your life.

simplelife100 · 05/07/2021 13:08

Your gut was right, you need to get rid of him how many other times has he done this ? He lied so much already to cover himself getting caught you will never trust him. Sadly I wouldn't believe it was just a hand job why would you go to all that trouble arrange to meet at a hotel for a hand job would have been quicker to do it himself I would say it was say oral job. I say that as I happen to know a number of vile men that after a night out go to pay woman for oral I don't get it they all have partners

redhotlillies · 05/07/2021 14:37

why don't you double bluff him and tell him you know everything after looking into it further. By asking him - you give him the choice to lie.

Speaking from experience - I asked if he was having an affair and he was mortified as he was a loyal husband and devoted dad.
2 days later (I had enough evidence but not certain) I just said that I knew everything and asked how many times it happened. He said 'once' which was a lie as it was a lot more, but at least he finally admitted he was a lying knobhead.

Ginmonkey84 · 05/07/2021 21:33

Hope you okay OP Flowers

RosaBaby2 · 05/07/2021 21:42

Not sure what type of Samsung but there's a way you can see numbers of received messages, even if they've been deleted. I know he's already sort of admitted it but it could tell you if it really was a one off, if you wanted to know.

You go on the recent calls and then to the top right hand corner click and then choose 'show messages' this will bring up messages within the call log. Definitely works on S20.

Flowers
oreo2020 · 05/07/2021 21:57

I found from experience that the ones who talk nicely and 'love dearly' are the ones who are able to cover up tracks of serial cheating. OP very unfortunate time for you but you know the truth - get your ducks in a row - no need to panic and rush - but he's got to go.

Imjustsootired · 05/07/2021 22:20

This, I assure you, is the very TIP of a very seedy iceberg.

This will 100% not be the first time. It really does say something about how much he respects you and your relationship. I'm genuinely so sorry OP, straight up divorce if it were me, I'd never be able to look at him let alone touch him, ever again!

GroggyLegs · 05/07/2021 22:29

This is horrible OP, I'm so sorry.

If it were me, I don't think I'd want to waste another 24h on a wanker who thinks it's ok to buy women for 'handjobs' (hmmm) and lie to my face about it, but fidelity is a baseline requirement for me. No second chances.

Please put yourself first & don't let him bluff you with bullshit. He's shown his true colours & it's up to you to decide if you can accept this side of him that you now know about. Fuck his feelings, it's about you.

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 22:31

He has shown you very clearly what he thinks of women and what the word consent means to me.

He would give me the ick.

MadeForThis · 05/07/2021 23:10

He's minimising. You can't trust him. This wasn't the first time.

poeps · 05/07/2021 23:49

get the number, rent a hotel room, ask a guy friend (not one his friends) to phone her make a date, set a trap to get both of them in 1 room together sit them down & ask questions

NCBlossom · 05/07/2021 23:54

@AbstractEim

Instead of spending the day listening to his lies he needs to look after the toddler while you contact your midwife, speak to friends and family for support and go to a GUM clinic to get tested for STIs.
Honestly this is the best advice. Even if you don’t feel like it, please follow it.

I’ve been cheated on whilst pregnant. Only when I was in the GUM clinic did I realise the impact - it’s really important for the baby and you to get checked out. Perhaps phone first or ask your midwife. You will need some serious support, can you speak to your midwife?