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Relationships

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I’m a straight woman with a huge crush on an older woman - is it real or is it a girl crush?

57 replies

NorthAndSouthern · 01/07/2021 23:23

I’m a woman in my early 40s in a relationship with a man but have developed a huge crush on a woman who is around 10 years older. I thought it was a girl crush at first but now I’m not sure as I just cannot stop thinking about her.

I admire a lot of her qualities but I now think about her constantly and fantasise about kissing her.

Anyone else been in this situation? How did you get over it? Did you get over it? Did you say anything to the woman?

OP posts:
NorthAndSouthern · 07/07/2021 16:55

@Dozer

Unfair to your partner, obviously!

Plain old cheating / threatening to end a relationship unless cheating is tolerated.

Where did I say I was threatening to end it?
OP posts:
NorthAndSouthern · 07/07/2021 16:56

@Hawkins001

All the best op
Thank you
OP posts:
1Wanda1 · 11/07/2021 15:31

Sorry I didn't see your question till now @NorthAndSouthern. My former colleague/now wife was out as a lesbian at the time. I really really liked her as a person but was also very intrigued by her sexuality. I didn't feel like I fancied her (nor consciously anyway) but I wanted to be around her all the time and wanted to impress her. A crush. We kissed one star-crossed night on a boozy night out with friends/colleagues and after that I couldn't stop thinking about her and had to be with her.

We moved in together 6 months later and got married 2 years after that. She's amazing.

Yonkerslopez · 12/07/2021 17:11

OP i'm sorry you've received a few post responses here dismissing the possibility of bisexual feelings. Some of these replies sound like straight women who refuse to acknowledge that women can have genuine romantic and sexual feelings of attraction towards another woman, and why downplaying lesbianism/bisexuality is so dangerous and society doesn't recognise wlw relationships as much as heteronormative ideals.

To suggest you are drawn to the lady because you view her as a mother figure is insulting since you clearly view her in a romantic light, and your feelings are valid.

Your being in a relationship with a man currently, and her being partnered is obviously problematic (but you have already stressed that he is aware of your feelings). No judgement here in that case, who are we to criticise the workings of your relationship.

I think the most important thing is to be honest with yourself and trust your own instincts in your clear attraction to another woman. Yes it may just be the one, but it doesn't make it any less valid. Clearly it is more than platonic admiration since you have thought about being intimate and even having sex with her!

I don't have much to advise in terms of pursuing things, work crushes are always risky and it's not advisable to cross these boundaries where you work....

I don't think anybody should be trying to define your sexuality on here, since it's a very personal and individual thing.

It may well be that you are bi-curious, and you may wish to explore this further (with a single lady/ideally if you're single/with partner's acceptance) with a single lady. Life is too short to be unhappy and wonder 'what if'!

StarlightLady · 13/07/2021 06:22

@1Wanda1 - This is one of the best responses l have seen on MN. 🌈

NorthAndSouthern · 13/07/2021 20:18

@1Wanda1

Sorry I didn't see your question till now *@NorthAndSouthern*. My former colleague/now wife was out as a lesbian at the time. I really really liked her as a person but was also very intrigued by her sexuality. I didn't feel like I fancied her (nor consciously anyway) but I wanted to be around her all the time and wanted to impress her. A crush. We kissed one star-crossed night on a boozy night out with friends/colleagues and after that I couldn't stop thinking about her and had to be with her.

We moved in together 6 months later and got married 2 years after that. She's amazing.

This is lovely.

I feel the same in that I want to be around her (but can’t as we are all wfh) and want to impress her.

OP posts:
LuxuryYacht · 26/07/2021 22:02

I had to chuckle at this last bit:

“I don't think anybody should be trying to define your sexuality on here, since it's a very personal and individual thing.

It may well be that you are bi-curious, and you may wish to explore this further (with a single lady/ideally if you're single/with partner's acceptance) with a single lady....”

Jajaja! Yeah. Dont let anyone define your sexuality for you! But if you ask me, I think you’re pobably ....... lol

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