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Original poster

Would you be OK with your husband/wife going on holiday with a female/male friend?

91 replies

mag2305 · 01/07/2021 21:33

This doesn't relate directly to myself and my husband but we were just chatting about our friends. The wife has gone on holiday with a man whilst her husband has stayed at home. This is a friend that she used to date a while ago but they are just friends now. Her husband is OK with it according to my dh (his friend originally).

So I asked my dh if he'd be OK if I went on holiday with a male friend. He said he'd be fine with it because we have children and he knows nothing would happen. He's right, it wouldn't, although I'm not sure what his point is about children. However, I don't think I'd feel OK about it if it was the other way around.

Would you be OK with your other half going on holiday with a male/female friend?

OP posts:
Parky04 · 02/07/2021 15:08

No way!

Lovelydiscusfish · 02/07/2021 15:48

It’s interesting reading so many responses saying it’s fine, because I normally see much more of the opposite mindset on here - that friendships between men and women are always open to suspicion, etc etc.

I don’t consider myself an especially jealous person AT ALL, but reading this, maybe I am? For me the problem wouldn’t be torturing myself with the image of them shagging, but more that it would unsettle me to think of him spending days and days away with someone he once had romantic feelings for and who (for all I know) still has them for him. It would make me unhappy. I can’t justify this rationally especially, but the feeling would definitely be there…..

TedMullins · 02/07/2021 15:52

@bellinisurge

"Again I’m interested to hear people’s answers here - if my partner and I are both bi, are we not allowed to holiday with anyone?"

If you are in a monogamous relationship and plan to have sex with a person not in that relationship then you are cheating on your partner in that monogamous relationship. I wouldn't want my partner going on a trip with anyone other than me or a member of their family. Not because I don't trust them but because we are so short of cash I would resent money spent on a holiday for just them and not for us.

I didn’t ask about having sex with other people. I asked about going on holiday with them. Last time I checked those are two very different things Hmm
TedMullins · 02/07/2021 15:54

I have a male friend who lives in Canada. I’ll be visiting him as soon as restrictions allow, alone. If I have a partner by then, I’ll still visit him alone. He has a one-bed flat so I’ll be either sharing his bed or on the sofa if it’s big enough. Ive known him nearly 10 years now and we actually met on tinder although never dated (never even kissed) and if a partner expressed any thoughts along the lines of not wanting me to go id dump the partner tbh. Friends and spending time alone with them are really important to me

BrightShark · 02/07/2021 15:55

@GirlAloud I bet that’s what Matt Hancock’s poor wife thought!

I would be if part of a group. But if just the two of them, no way!

CastawayQueen · 02/07/2021 16:22

@TedMullins

I have a male friend who lives in Canada. I’ll be visiting him as soon as restrictions allow, alone. If I have a partner by then, I’ll still visit him alone. He has a one-bed flat so I’ll be either sharing his bed or on the sofa if it’s big enough. Ive known him nearly 10 years now and we actually met on tinder although never dated (never even kissed) and if a partner expressed any thoughts along the lines of not wanting me to go id dump the partner tbh. Friends and spending time alone with them are really important to me
If you were the sort of person to make that much effort for friends (and did so for several male friends) your partner would know that you’re that kind of person. Presumably they’d be U to prevent it. Also am I right in guessing that you’ve been single for a long time or had long bouts of being single?
TedMullins · 02/07/2021 17:16

Yep, I have been single for a while. My friends are really important to me and we all make effort for each other (including the ones in relationships). I'd never drop friends for a partner, otherwise who'll be there if you break up? I had big issues with a previous partner about him not liking me even hanging out with my male colleagues for an after-work drink. It was a big factor in me dumping him.

ginbramble · 02/07/2021 20:06

I'm genuinely shocked at how many people wouldn't want their partner going on holiday with a friend of opposite sex... friends are friends 🤷‍♀️ if they're the type to cheat they'd do it on holiday or not.

minipie · 02/07/2021 20:11

No. But not really because of the risk of cheating, more because he doesn’t have much holiday, so I’d like him to use his holiday with his family (ie me and the dc). I wouldn’t be happy about him going on holiday with a male friend, for the same reason.

Amotherlife · 02/07/2021 20:18

It's quite intimate to go on holiday with just one friend. I've done it with female friends before I was married but mainly been away with partners and family. I can't say how I'd feel really as neither DH or I have a very close opposite sex friend. We either have joint friends (mixed) , friends of our own sex or work colleagues (mixed). The only male in my life I might consider going on holiday with alone would be my brother, and for DH his sister. But in 30 years we have pretty much always holidayed together. Also our exes are from 30 years ago!

LemonRoses · 02/07/2021 20:26

Just the two of them? Why are they going together? I can’t imagine my husband wanting go on holiday without me.

A holiday in a group connected to, say, skiing or surfing, possibly but even then I’d be a bit put out, I think.

freeandfierce · 02/07/2021 22:10

My bf is male (I'm female) we go away together all the time whilst our partners stay at home. We were away last weekend and we have a couple of weekly holidays. We both get long holidays so if not we would be at home whilst our partners work. We book Airbnb with two bedrooms or separate hotel rooms. He's like my brother so there's no possibility of anything other that a platonic relationship.

notacooldad · 02/07/2021 22:15

I wouldn't be happy in the situation you have described op.

Original poster
mag2305 · 02/07/2021 22:24

It's really interesting how it seems pretty 50 50 with people's feelings on this so far. It's been good to read everyone's different viewpoints.

OP posts:
VienettaCake · 02/07/2021 22:30

Not exactly the same, but my DH has flown long haul to visit a female friend abroad twice now. I was invited both times but didn’t fancy it. The last time he went they travelled around the country a bit together. One day he called me and said that they had napped in the same room earlier during the day. I didn’t mind. I trust him 100% and tbh he doesn’t have the ability to cheat and hide it from me.

jozipozi31 · 02/07/2021 23:03

No way Jose.

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