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Original poster

Would you be OK with your husband/wife going on holiday with a female/male friend?

91 replies

mag2305 · 01/07/2021 21:33

This doesn't relate directly to myself and my husband but we were just chatting about our friends. The wife has gone on holiday with a man whilst her husband has stayed at home. This is a friend that she used to date a while ago but they are just friends now. Her husband is OK with it according to my dh (his friend originally).

So I asked my dh if he'd be OK if I went on holiday with a male friend. He said he'd be fine with it because we have children and he knows nothing would happen. He's right, it wouldn't, although I'm not sure what his point is about children. However, I don't think I'd feel OK about it if it was the other way around.

Would you be OK with your other half going on holiday with a male/female friend?

OP posts:
SupermanInk · 02/07/2021 06:58

Imagine a Kevin from Motherland type situation, lol!!

Didn’t Kevin end up shagging Amanda...😬🤣

Original poster
mag2305 · 02/07/2021 08:12

@SupermanInk

Imagine a Kevin from Motherland type situation, lol!!

Didn’t Kevin end up shagging Amanda...😬🤣

Did he?!!! Oooo, I can't of seen that episode yet, Lol!! Grin
OP posts:
bishbashbosh99 · 02/07/2021 08:17

I would but they were friends way before I came along so would be unfair of me not to let him

gannett · 02/07/2021 08:21

I wonder if the posters declaring "absolutely not, no way, there's no possible reason for it" have actually read the many answers where posters have given perfectly normal reasons for this?

DP and I have been on holiday with friends of both sexes, in groups but also with just one other friend, many times. The time we can take off work hasn't always coincided, which has been annoying but why would I want him to sit around and twiddle his thumbs at home instead of waving him off to a nice holiday with a friend? One of his travel buddies is a woman in his industry and they enjoy far more outdoorsy holidays than I would - I'm glad he has someone he can go diving and exploring with, when he goes on holiday with me I just drag him round museums all day.

I often make a holiday out of work travel at the last minute, and often hang out with friends in the various cities I go to. Sometimes male friends! Late-night drinking with them, the horror! One I even slept with many years ago pre-DP.

On which note whether exes are fine is also context-dependent. Ancient school ex or random 20s fling, who cares. If it's someone your partner still holds a flame for, the problem isn't that they're going on holiday together, the problem is that he still holds a flame for someone else, and that's a problem whether he's sat at home with you or on holiday with her.

Strawberryshitfest · 02/07/2021 08:36

I’m fine with holidays with friend of the other sex, I’d probably be fine with an ex too. My view is, if they’re going to cheat they will find a way-you “allowing” them to go on holiday or not will not change the state of your relationship if it’s broken and they are considering cheating. They will just sneak around another way if you don’t allow them to go away together-they will lie and tell you they are going away for work/with someone else. You can’t watch your partner all the time, you just have to trust they won’t cheat on you in any situation.

Strawberryshitfest · 02/07/2021 08:39

I’d think there was a problem if you were living totally separate lives and your partner chose to spend his only holiday/the whole holiday budget going away with another woman doing something you’d enjoy.
But no problem if you spend time together/go away together as well and this is an extra trip you can’t make due to work or is a hobby you don’t enjoy.

CastawayQueen · 02/07/2021 08:47

Hmm depends on the reason.
If there was a specific activity they wanted to do and I didn’t + old friends I wouldn’t mind. DP and I have similar interests though so highly unlikely.
If it was the sort of holiday that I could’ve come along on I’d find it suspicious.
One day is enough to catch up with old friends IMO an entire holiday is a bit excessive.

GooodMythicalMorning · 02/07/2021 08:48

Nope, wouldn't be ok at all.

Sakurami · 02/07/2021 09:05

It depends. If they wanted to go on holiday and I couldn't. Or wanted to do something I'm not interested in and his female friend is.

I wouldn't want to go away with a male friend unless he was gay. But I don't tend to see male friends on their own.

I've not met any of my boyfriend's exes so not sure how I'd feel. Though I trust him.

mindutopia · 02/07/2021 09:39

A one-on-one holiday, no. We so rarely get time alone together that I'd expect him to prioritise us if he had time to take a one-on-one holiday with another woman. Also, dh would think that was super weird and I can't imagine a female friend (he has lots of them) he'd want to go off alone on holiday with. As part of a group though, absolutely fine, wouldn't even give it a second thought.

But a friend he dated, no absolutely not. Dh doesn't have any female friends he previously dated, but I've stayed friends with several of my exes. No, I absolutely would not want to go on holiday with them. That would be weird and inappropriate. They are lovely people and we've been friends for a long time. But that would just be uncomfortable.

Garbagepailgal · 02/07/2021 09:52

No , why invite potential issues and anxiety just to be cool about it. Yes, if a group and my dh has been away with mixed groups of friends, 121 no. Holidays can bring out the romantic in all of us !

VettiyaIruken · 02/07/2021 09:57

No.

Frankly, I don't trust anyone 100%. Not even a partner. seen too many "I never thought he would (until he did)s " to ever have complete faith in anyone.

Taking a holiday with another woman crosses a line for me
If he wanted to go I wouldn't stop him but he'd need to find somewhere else to live when he got back.

Prospering · 02/07/2021 09:58

I've done it I've gone to NY twice with an old male friend, and gone on occasional weekends away with another, who is in fact an ex from aeons ago. DH doesn't go on specific holidays with his female friends, but as he travels a lot for work (or did), he's often met foreign-based friends while away like he was in Andorra for work and went to meet an old friend in Barcelona for dinner while he was there.

The ex thing wouldn't bother me in the slightest. The strongest emotion I feel about my exes (including the one who has remained a friend for decades and of whom I'm very fond) is faint embarrassment that I could ever have regarded him in a sexual light.

HoneyzAiy · 02/07/2021 10:35

I have a very close male friend who I’ve known my whole life as our dads are best friends. We’ve grown up as siblings and nothing’s ever happened between us. Dh would have no problems with me going on holiday with him and we have done weekend Europe trips a few times and went to Ibiza together. Any other male, especially an ex, I’m not sure dh would be comfortable. Like wise for him. I wouldn’t mind him going with his closest female friend as I know it’s purely platonic, but definitely wouldn’t be happy if it was someone he had previously dated.

RainbowMumzy · 02/07/2021 10:40

No.

TedMullins · 02/07/2021 10:47

@Lovelydiscusfish

No - and I don’t consider myself a very jealous person!

My fella is friends with a woman he dated briefly, and o have no problem with that - him seeing her in a group, even him meeting up with her individually for a bit. But if he chose to go away with her, he wouldn’t be coming back to me.

Similarly I have a friend I used to date, who actually recently did offer to take me away with him. If I had accepted, I believe that would have ended my relationship.

And we are what might be considered a very liberal couple, in many ways. But there are still lines, and this would cross one for me…..

I honestly just don’t understand this mindset. If they’re friends why on earth does it matter what genitalia they have or if you’ve even slept together before and there is nothing but a platonic relationship now? Unless you think that once you’re in a couple you should only holiday with your partner? I find that bizarre too!
TedMullins · 02/07/2021 10:49

Again I’m interested to hear people’s answers here - if my partner and I are both bi, are we not allowed to holiday with anyone?

CastawayQueen · 02/07/2021 13:38

@TedMullins I think context is key.
Going on holiday with one other person is a very intimate thing to do IMO. I’d happily go on holiday with a group of strangers but not one other person I didn’t know well enough to be happy with most hours spent in their company. And if you weren’t spending much of your time in their company then why not go on your own (unless there’s a significant financial saving)?
Furthermore it’s a lot of effort for a holiday and if one has a limited budget what’s the justification for going on holiday with one other person? Rather then the spouse? Unless the latter doesn’t like the place and the former wants to go.
having said that I know a handful of people with close friends of the opposite sex (in fact their friend group is balanced or tilted towards the opposite sex) so if my DP was like that I’d have no issue. He however doesn’t have any close female friends so him going on holiday with a woman alone would piss me off. Especially as I like travelling more than him and will go pretty much anywhere - there’s no reason for him to go on holiday without me.

I’m bi but again don’t like doing one on one activities with people anyway. There are only 3 people I’d travel with alone and DP knows all of them so no issue there. So far I haven’t done it, because I see no point in travelling with one other person.

Prospering · 02/07/2021 13:42

@TedMullins

Again I’m interested to hear people’s answers here - if my partner and I are both bi, are we not allowed to holiday with anyone?
No, it is clear from this and other similar threads, that you and your partner must live as recluses, leaving the house only while wearing a chastity belt and with a chaperone, and speak and look only at one another. You can never go on holiday with anyone.
southeastlady · 02/07/2021 13:59

Good Lord no, but my husband is a twat

DK123 · 02/07/2021 14:05

Absolutely not.

isitsummertimeyet · 02/07/2021 14:08

id be asking why isn't she going away with me instead of a male friend first of all.

Second, is it separate rooms, because if it isn't then your just taking the pi55

Prospering · 02/07/2021 14:54

id be asking why isn't she going away with me instead of a male friend first of all.

Lots of possible reasons. You can't get time off work when she can, it's to a place or to do an activity that doesn't appeal to you, you both tend to go away for short periods with your own friends as a regular thing, one of you has to stay at home and look after children who are at school etc etc.

For instance, I have done a couple of long-distance walks with a (male) friend because DH would rather cut off his own arm than walk the Pennine Way. And for years, when DS was small and we had no family in the country who might have had him for the occasional overnight stay, the only way for one of us to go away in order to do anything not child-friendly was to do it separately.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/07/2021 14:56

Nope

bellinisurge · 02/07/2021 15:02

"Again I’m interested to hear people’s answers here - if my partner and I are both bi, are we not allowed to holiday with anyone?"

If you are in a monogamous relationship and plan to have sex with a person not in that relationship then you are cheating on your partner in that monogamous relationship. I wouldn't want my partner going on a trip with anyone other than me or a member of their family. Not because I don't trust them but because we are so short of cash I would resent money spent on a holiday for just them and not for us.

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