Our account is a joint account and both our wages are paid in there. We have both spent too much in the past and have had to borrow quite a bit of money from both of our parents. He is very keen to pay this money back, but none of our parents are really nagging us about it. We agreed this budget a few months ago, he has stuck to it fairly comfortably every week. I have been pushing it and gone very slightly over every week. Last week I bought birthday presents for 2 close friends which pushed me over.
Ok so you jointly accrued the debt, but did you also reach a genuinely mutual agreement about setting repayment amounts, & were they realistic? Or was it imposed upon you in the same autocratic way your credit card was stolen 'confiscated'? Because you clearly don't agree with that, so I have to wonder how much agreement, let alone participation you had in the budgeting.
I see now you have gone over by a few quid every week though.
Of course DH is right to want to prioritise debt.
But how sustainable is his plan if you've been unable rather than unwilling to stick to it?
Is he able to stick to his budget "fairly comfortably" because it's larger than yours, or has fewer demands on it?
Is the figure he wants to repay each month viable long term, or is it too high to allow for mistakes, wriggle room, & unexpected expenses?
Is it usually things like b/day presents which push you over, or household stuff too?
Do b/day presents & household extras get ever get bought on HIS card, or is that all down to you? So the blame falls to you, even though the overspend was for both of you?
Whose card pays for e.g. DC's activities, shoes, toys etc?
Either way, something is going awry. If you have a genuinely fair deal with DH, & are still over budget, clearly you need to cut back.
If not, you need to reassess & devise a new budget which sustains family needs while maintaining a sensible loan repayment schedule. Most people would be happier to be repaid a steady, regular, affordable sum that allows the debt to reduce within a defined timescale, than be promised a larger sum that isn't reliable.
Either way, taking your card off you like he's your Prefect, & doling out cash like a Dickensian paymaster, on his unilateral say so is outrageous. Good budgeting between couples comes from honest discussion, mutual agreement, & realistic outgoings (including debt repayment) - not autocratic diktats.
So give yourself some radical honesty, mull over all those questions in your own mind, & decide whether DH reacted like an arse as a one-off, or whether it's part of a deeper pattern of imposing decisons on you & acting unfairly/obliviously about what your budget needs to be.
And it it's the latter, taking your card away would be as sinister as it felt when you described in in your OP.
Hope it's not, & you & DH can work this out more sensibly.