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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

getting desperate. husband not talking to me and seems to hate my guts. Sorry long!

79 replies

weakandpathetic · 22/11/2007 22:10

Things have been getting steadily worse between us over the last few years. Seem to boil down to one thing.
I am over weight. Not enormously but need to lose 3 stone. He hates it and has become more and more acrymonious about it. Mostly he doesn't tell me to my face. I have had times where his feelings are made known to me through text messages.

He was on garden leave in the summer and went to do some sailing in the algarve for a week. He kept telling me about this german woman who was gorgeous (he often goes on about beautiful women on tv/ in magazines to wind me up)
We had an text argument and he wouldn't talk to me for four days, in fact he wouldn't even talk to the dds who were very upset. Just before he came home he told me that he had tried to change his flights as he thought he was in with a "good chance of a fuck" but he couldn't change them.

Also said that if I didn't lose weight quickly he would leave. I did try but emotionally I am so fucked up that diets are v. hard to stick to. (I lost nearly a stone but he didn't notice- it obviously wasn't enough for him.)
Now he just simply won't talk to me. I find out about his plans through my dd who he adores.
He is never here. Leaves for work at 6 and rarely gets home before 9. Spends all his time at home on his computer in the study. Does absolutely and I mean absolutely nothing in the home.
I told him the other day that in his desperation to stay away from me he was neglecting the dds too. He said he knew but it seemed the better option. Everyone thinks he is the perfect husband and father. They have no idea
I am now sitting at home waiting for him to come home from a client dinner. Both his phones are switched off and I am thinking the worst. Don't know what to do any more. I don't want our family to split up. I have been with him since my teens.Spend all my alone times crying.
Sorry I know I am pathetic.about long intro but need to get it all down on paper.

OP posts:
wooga · 23/11/2007 21:37

My Dad used to call my mum 'fatty' and other stuff all the time to put her down - i grew up hearing what he said to her and will never forget it .
My Mum was miserable when she was with him, lost weight and just looked ill and unhappy.
He was a nasty bully to her and not a good example of a man to grow up around.
She left him in the end (years later than she should have but I suppose she hoped that if she was the right weight, had her hair how he liked, did what he wanted, things would work out)and met a good man who loves her (and who was brave enough to take on two teenage girls!).
They've been together 15 years and my Mum is so different to the person married to my Dad - happy, confident and content.
He has been a great support to me over the years too and I think of him as Dad as he's been there for half my life and never let me down.

Hekate · 23/11/2007 22:08

can I ask what your dad's life is like now, wooga? Does he regret?

alittleone2 · 23/11/2007 22:23

Message withdrawn

wooga · 23/11/2007 22:35

Dad had lots of relationships that didn't work out.
Very bitter man-I feel sorry for him but also know he's not an easy person (!) and I limit time with him as he is very critical and draining.
He has suffered with depression most of his life but 'deals' with it through alcohol- didn't like idea of taking pills!.

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