Job interview and not telling DH

[DHandInterview]

I have a job interview this week. It's my first real interview in maybe about 11 years and it's for a job I'd really love. I bought an outfit for it and I've done some prep for it and I'm extremely nervous but actually a little bit excited too.

The only thing is, I haven't told DH I have an interview or that I've been applying for jobs. He is controlling, and I work for him. I don't want to go into all the background details of it, if you dont mind. I've been taking things one step at a time and if I get this job, or any of the others that I have applied for recently, then it will give me some options and I can take my next step.

Should I tell him about it or not?

On the one hand, an interview doesn't mean I've got the job and I know I still only have a small chance of getting it really. I don't want to cause any drama where there doesn't need to be any and I don't want him to try and make me doubt myself or talk me out of it beforehand.

On the other, i find it hard to lie, I feel really guilty about what I'm doing and like I might talk myself out of it. He might be begrudgingly accepting, he knows I am unhappy in my job. If I don't tell him, there's a risk he might choose to work from home on the day I have the interview, or he might try ringing me while I'm there. I'm constantly available to him so if I don't answer the phone he'll keep ringing, and it makes me have kind of like a panic reaction, or I won't just be able to leave in the day if he's here.

What should I do?

If he's controlling then no, I wouldn't tell him. He'll only create merry hell for you before the interview and either completely knock your confidence, or you'll cancel it altogether. Tell him if you get the job, or after you've been.

I know it's not great to keep secrets in a relationship, but it sounds like you've got half a foot out the door already and this is something he controls you over anyway.

Good luck with the interview

Same here, I wouldnt say anything until I had a job offer

Good luck!

I'd 'make a dentist appointment' for that time so that you can rightfully ignore your phone without worrying. He's likely to sabotage your interview if you tell him

I'd "make an appointment", OP. Don't tell him until you've got a job offer from one of your applications. If he knows about this interview, even afterwards, he'll be on the lookout for anything that tells him you have another interview. Given his controlling behaviour, don't tell him anytthing until you have a job and a start date.

Definitely do NOT tell him. He will sabotage this for you.

Fuck him - and best of luck to you!

1. Make a pretend appointment for that time

1. If you don't get the job, apply for other stuff and interview until you do

1. Leave your husband if he is controlling and you're scared of his reactions - that's no way to live

I wouldn't tell him. Make up another appointment

Under no circumstances tell him about the interview beforehand. Focus on being prepared and ready

Go into the interview as if for a second one, full of preparation to get going.

Good luck

Agree with something like a dentist appointment because you genuinely can't talk then. You can use that to dismiss any nerves too. Can you also drop your interview outfit at a friend's or somewhere that you can change in case he's working at home?

And good luck!

Don’t tell him - simply say you have a dentist or gyne appointment - something he wouldn’t want to delve into any more.

Remember, you’re interviewing them as much as they’re interviewing you. You don’t have to tell him anything because there is nothing to tell yet.

Good luck - you’re doing the right thing.

Don’t tell him
Good luck

Definitely don't tell him! Not until you have a confirmed offer and start date. And even then, expect a reaction.

Don't tell him, switch your phone off. And if you get offered the job, leave him.

Please don't tell me what a lovely man he is op, he is not, I know it and deep in your heart, so do you. Get free.

Don't tell him. Make up a medical appointment, and don't tell him about it until as late as you can (say it was a cancellation and they gave you the option of going last minute)

Take your clothes in a bag, put them somewhere he can't find them (in your car, at a friend's ?) in advance, so you won't arouse his suspicion by being "dressed up"
(unless you usually go to medical appts dressed for an interview)

Good luck!

Will he be your professional reference?
If so, I would tell him afterwards and say something like ‘a last minute decision’ to go to it.
If not, then I wouldn’t tell him at all.

Good luck. I really hope you're the poster I think you are. Getting an interview is great. Hope it goes well :)

Don't tell him. He's controlling. He might be begrudgingly accepting, he knows I am unhappy in my job. This is so chilling. He doesn't get to decide where you work or what you do.

Good luck with the interview. And turn your damn phone off for the day.

Don't tell him and turn your phone to silent or off when you are leaving the house for the interview. If you have a missed call when you're finished you can then contact him when you get home and just say the phone was on silent or out of charge.

Don't tell him.

If you get the job, then cross that bridge of telling him. If you don't get the job, keep applying.

Don't give him the opportunity to sabotage you beforehand.

Do not tell him. It’s not lying, it’s keeping yourself safe. It’s totally different. He’ll just sabotage it for you.

Tell him you are going for your smear test .. that'll shut him up
Very very good luck at interview
Don't say anything until you are sure it's yours 💐

You're working towards exiting an abusive situation.

Of course you do not tell him. To do so would be sabotaging yourself.

It's not about lying, it's about protecting yourself from his abuse.

When someone abuses you they train you to feel guilty for anything that might enable you to break free of their control. That is a perversion.

The purpose of guilt as an emotion is to stop us from doing things that harm others. You are not doing anything harmful - quite the opposite. You should not feel guilty.

There is nothing to feel guilty about, and if he hadn't chosen to be an abuser you would be free to be open. But he has taken that freedom away from you. Which is what's wrong here.

I hope you stay strong, keep it to yourself, attend the interview and keep moving towards freedom from your abuser.

Good luck.

Good luck x

Thank you for your replies. I had the interview today but didn't get the job. I've been applying for others as well, so fingers crossed I will get something soon.

Ah their loss ! Just see it as interview experience , maybe ask them for some feedback just to help you next time ..
good luck with the others 💐