Just need to talk

[Malibukev]

Not even sure this is the right place. But it's just after 4.00am and I just need to talk.

I don't want to drip feed but if I post everything relevant in the opener it will be so long but the basics of it are DD 2.5 rolled out of bed and disturbed herself. Unfortunately when this happens, she's up for the day so we have been up since 3.00am. That means we will now both be up until bedtime tonight. DD might sleep at some point, probably in the car but I won't get chance until tonight.

I am annoyed and upset, when this happens rather than persevere getting DD back to sleep I have to bring her downstairs as DP is so moody he will literally huff and puff at every noise and it puts me on edge.

It just makes me feel so shit. I know I am in for an awful day with a two year old as I will be tired as will she. I've also got work to do later which I can't do until DP is in and DD is asleep usually around 8.30 / 9.00pm. Only an hour or so, but by that point I'll be exhausted.

I've not been feeling well lately, I've been really down. I don't want to pinpoint how I feel on anyone else but definitely circumstances at home done help. DP knows this as i have been in contact with the GP about it and now his health anxiety has peaked so it's almost like I have to pull myself together and ignore how I'm feeling as his health anxiety is all consuming.

Honestly as awful and selfish as it sounds I'm just sat here thinking he couldn't give one shit about me. He's managed to make something that has took me 2.5 years to finally accept, open up about and do something about into being all about him. And whilst he's comfortable asleep upstairs, when he wakes I will hear all about how exhausted he is as he has had such a terrible sleep and even though I am tired as I have been up since 3.00am he is much more tired than me as he doesn't sleep properly due to his anxiety which quite frankly I'm sure is massively exaggerated.

As I say, I'm not sure what I'm after, I just need a safe space to talk. I can't open this conversation with in RL. I wouldn't know where to start.

When he huffs bad puffs tell him to bloody grow up. It's hard on both of you. He doesn't have the monopoly on tiredness.

That's great news about the bed guard working.

Get a second hand mattress from gumtree for very little money, lots of them are hardly used. He can sleep on that. Don’t bother waiting for him to allocate money for when he’s ousted from the marital bed!
Having a mental illness is not Carter blanche to behave like a petulant child.

Carte

That is so true and something I need to remember instead of letting things slide because of it.

The only room spare for a bed is DDs actual bedroom so we need to get her her first proper bed and until I decide to move her into it it can act as a spare. Money is tight though and I never actually have any spare so it is on the to do list.