I’m so lonely it is breaking me

[Heytt]

Just that really. I have nobody to share my life with. My job or home worries, nobody to build furniture with, cook with or for, plan a holiday with, share an unexpected bill with, cuddle when I’m feeling unwell, nobody to get me a cup of tea, ever, nobody to spend my money on. I’m just so sad tonight.

Thanks @Puffalicious I’m just so fed up of being single. I’ve done all the single things many times over. If anyone suggests enjoying a nice bath or taking up a new hobby I think I will scream. My friends sometimes say this... ‘I’d do anything to have a night in the bath! You’re so lucky you can do it every night’........ yep. It’s great having endless baths on your own for all of eternity.

I know this probably won't help you but don't assume all couples are blissfully happy, you only have to read the threads on here to realise how many people are in very unhappy/unhealthy relationships. The happiest people I know are those who are single by choice, I know it's not your choice but you can be equally lonely in a long marriage that has run its course.

And your friends don't sound much fun, I am married but always happy to meet up with a friend at weekends and do something interesting (without my DH obviously).

@Heytt
I couldn’t read your post and not say something because I feel exactly the same and it’s my birthday next week too 😅

I’ve been in a long term relationship now, but I’ve struggled with friendships and my family… same as you I always feel like a sidekick to my friends and family but once they don’t need me they just fucking forget about me…

My partner has got loads of friends (most of them with kids and all settled) and always very busy with work, which leaves me very lonely on the weekends and I’m looking at group of friends or couples socialising and my heart sinks a little.
Same as you I feel like what’s the point in earning money… quite often I look at some clothing and think what’s the point in buying that, it’s not like I’m getting invited anywhere and makes me feel even lonelier 😞

Sorry I realise that I totally just moaned about my life on your thread and our situations are slightly different since you have friends… but feel free to drop me a message if you are feeling like having a chat as I feel lonely all the time too

@TigerLils I’m sorry you feel similar definitely would be nice to chat, will DM you.

I agree the weekends are the worst. And looking at clothes etc what’s the point. It’s very hard. You always hear about the elderly being lonely (I know they are), but we are a forgotten group, made all the worse by the expectation that life should be busy and full right now.

I'm the same age and agree we are a forgotten group.

I'm also 36, 37 in a few weeks.....

Would seeing the new guy help you stop feeling lonely..?

Pandemic doesn't help. Desperate to get on a ✈️

I remember this feeling so well! I was on match for 3 years and didn't like anyone I honestly felt like it was all hopeless. I was the friend that others took to the cinema on a Tuesday night- because my friends were in relationships and didn't want to go out for a drink with a single friend on a Saturday night (no chance of meeting a single bloke in a cinema watching a rom com). I felt so bloody lonely. But then one day this man messaged me on match and there was something about his message that just clicked. We met up after a few false starts that very nearly meant it didn't happen. Anyhow we have bought a house and have had two kids in 4/5 years. In some ways it has been like the tortoise and the hare race with mates... I just knew I had met the one for me and got on with life!

So I know you've had all the advice before. So no advice- just hope because life does change and it does get better.

Funny you say that, I’ve been with my partner for 16 years and have two kids......guess what, I feel as lonely as you do, apart from I also have constant rejection thrown in my face and can’t take the opportunity to meet someone new as I’m not single. We love each other but we are no longer in love. It’s lonely too but people don’t see it because we are “together”

I know this is totally left of field, OP, but my close friend made a decision to change her life after a 7 year relationship broke up. At age 38 she decided to give up her job,get on an aeroplane and see where the adventure took her. She's now living on the other side of the world living totally different life, became a mum at 40, single mum at 41 and as much as we miss her dearly she has her dream job and a life she loves.

I know it's not for everyone but...

You should know that most married people feel the same way.
You think finding someone solves the problem. It doesn’t.
The answer is to find happiness in yourself.
Then even if you meet someone and it goes tots up you will still be fine.
Do not look to other people to make you happy.
They will always let you down.
You were born alone, you will die alone,.
That’s it.
Crack on

[quote Heytt]@TigerLils I’m sorry you feel similar definitely would be nice to chat, will DM you.

I agree the weekends are the worst. And looking at clothes etc what’s the point. It’s very hard. You always hear about the elderly being lonely (I know they are), but we are a forgotten group, made all the worse by the expectation that life should be busy and full right now.[/quote]
@Heytt Sounds good, just drop me a DM if you feel like!
We are really a forgotten group aren’t we… I’m a bit younger than you are but I read and not comment as I could have pretty much written the same post 😂
What I also feel shit about that I feel like I can’t talk to anyone in RL about how I feel because I think they would just take pity on me and that’s the last thing I need…

Reading all the comments too, I’m so sad to hear that there are so many of us lonely these days, but what I think is even worse that many of us try to maintain the image that we are not… I wonder where I went wrong to be honest.

I also feel like shooting my colleagues every Monday when they ask me what I did on the weekend… and listening to them telling me about their packed and very social weekends😂 not sure if anyone else feels like that?

Couldn't read and dash. I'm so sorry you feel this way but 36 is so young still and there is so much more life to come. My aunt was desperately lonely, but then joined a walking club, met a lovely man and married him aged 50ish. They have a lovely life now travelling and having adventures together.
So it may feel totally crap now and I get that,id feel exactly the same, but this won't be forever ❤️
Can you find any clubs that do weekends or trips away as part of it?
Wishing you lots of happiness that arrives asap

Also you aren't alone, I can think of two women immediately that feel exactly like you

I been lonely all my life. It’s horrid. I’m planning on getting put to sleep when I’m older and can’t take it anymore

Be thankful. I have 4 people in my house and wish I was alone. People are arseholes

@Heytt lonely is hard!

If you want a partner - have you been actively been looking? What have you done?

Loneliness*

Hi, @Heytt.
I feel your pain. I was married for 14yrs and felt that loneliness you describe from 4 months into my marriage. I felt very lonely and very alone. I had no one to chat with, share good news with, share worries with, sit on the sofa in the evening with etc. I had years of loneliness and I got used to it. A few countable encounters over two periods of a few days 7 years apart resulted in two DC.
For years, keeping busy with DC and work helped pushed down that loneliness. Fast forward to 7 months ago, I met someone online and it awakened something in me. Initially I was happy, fulfilled and excited but now for the past few weeks it is clear that we are not working and I feel this deep overwhelming loneliness. I am already with volunteer groups, active in my community activities, busy or should I say occupied with work, children, friends and family but I am so desperately deeply lonely. I feel like it's going to break me. Nothing seems to fill that yearning.

I just want to tell you that you aren't alone. I hope this guy you are seeing is a right guy for you.
Sending you

[quote Guavafish]@Heytt lonely is hard!

If you want a partner - have you been actively been looking? What have you done?[/quote]
@Guavafish

I do have a partner (mentioned him in my first comment). We have been together for 6/7 years now and I love him to bits, but he is one of those very lucky ones… his job is pretty much his hobby. He loves his work and socialise through it a lot. I’m very happy for him but this means that I’m left on my own for a couple of weekends a month or sometimes a week or 2. And that’s super lonely…

Sorry OP I don’t mean to take over your thread… my bottom line is that it’s so sad feeling like this and I’m gutted that OP and many of other feel the same way. It’s just hard when you can see people around you being busy and social and to be able to share hobbies, chats, drinks with or whatever

[quote Guavafish]**@Heytt lonely is hard!

If you want a partner - have you been actively been looking? What have you done?[/quote]
Oh my God, it totally came up on my screen that you tagged me on this comment @Guavafish

So sorry everyone I’m not so self absorbed but it totally looked like on my phone that you tagged me.

So sorry @Heytt!! I shall bow out of this thread before I make an even bigger fool of myself 😂

@TigerLils

Yes it can be confusing.

Can you travel with you partner on the weekend?

That really made me laugh @TigerLils not self absorbed at all, thanks for sharing and being supportive.

I’m so with you. You are not alone. We’re the same age & I’m also single/living alone.

The truth is (and you don’t want to hear this)… you have the power to change your own life. Rescue yourself.

I used to feel blue on the weekends but I decided to have date night on Saturdays, with myself. Really fancy dinner, good wine, put the phone down & actually watch a film & a luxurious bath. Bath bombs, salts… the works.

You will get through this x

I was single for 7 years too. It’s hard especially when everyone else has close families to spend time with.

I suspect a dog would’ve helped because dog people do tend to talk to each other.

I’m a cat person.

I am so sorry you feel like this - sounds like it is all really piling up right now and you are stuck in a really negative loop. Can you refer for some counselling through your local IAPT service? I feel very down about living by myself at times too, and being so restricted right now has not helped. I am sending you best wishes and hoping you can find some nice things to do for yourself in the next few days.

@Heytt thanks for being so understanding. Sometimes I find Mumsnet quite a weird forum, I feel like others would have chopped my head off for doing that on here. I often choose not to comment on threads or start ones cause for that reason. Nevertheless I didn’t mean to steal your thread.
@Guavafish id rather not travel with him. He is working and it won’t be fun for me. X